OH not ready....ruining our relationship :(

[Niamh]

Just wondering if anyone else is in the same situation?
I am desperate to try for a baby...I had a MMC in April at 10 weeks since this I've been desperate to start TTC. My OH was happy when I was pregnant but now he doesn't want to try for another
I feel ready and hearing him say he isn't is so hard! It's putting such a strain on our relationship.
I am 30 and feel time is running short for me. I have spoken many times to him trying to get some reasons why but he just says he's scared....I guess we are all a little scared it's normal to be but it hasn't put me off! Don't know what to do....I love him but if he isn't ready do I just wait and hope one day he'll be ready before my clock runs out? Gosh what a horrible feeling it's totally consuming me....anyone else having similar problems with their
OH and if so how are you coping with it? I would love to hear your stories and any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated xxx just to hear I am not the only one in this boat would help! Thanks xx

 

[beccad]

Have you asked him what he's actually scared about? You've likely got quite a few years yet before your clock runs out so don't get too manic about it. Perhaps sit down and discuss his fears calmly, and try and see it from his POV - if you're anything like me you struggle to see beyond the "I WANT A BABY" that's resounding in every fibre of your being!

I think it's reasonable to be scared, but it's also reasonable to put the fear into context and know that you can never be 100% ready for this sort of thing.

 

[Niamh]

Thank you for your reply...good advice I realise I need to see his point of view but it's hard like you say we just focus on I WANT A BABY lol!! It's so hard i feel like a women possessed about babies lol...wish I could hide my feelings a little better as I know I sound crazy, maybe the fact I know it sounds crazy means I am not lol!!!
Thank you xx

 

[anniepie]

Hi Niamh

Firstly sorry to hear about your MMC

I was in a very similar situation to you- lost a baby early on about 3 1/2 years ago. It wasn't planned, and far from ideal at the time as I'd just started seeing my OH at the time. But ever since then the 'need' for a baby has consumed me. OH wouldn't talk about it. We talked about having kids in the future, but he wouldn't get into discussion about when or anything, so I left it, and didn't try to talk about it with him much. I'm now 32, and OH has suddenly got totally on board, which is wonderful. Infact, it's him who's now worrying about time (he's 36 this year).

It's a really nice feeling that I feel he's come to the decision himself that he's ready for a baby, rather than feeling he's forced into it.

you're still in early days following your MMC, and I'm sure your OH is probably still trying to get over that himself, as you will be. He's probably scared about going through it again too. As much as you want to push on now, perhaps try giving it a few months so that you both have time to heal, and he has time to try and work out those fears in his head. Don't try and push him into it, as you'll probably push him away. Talk to him about what has happened, and what he's scared of, but do so in an open way that isn't needy, if that makes sense.

Hope you're ok...happy to chat if it helps...

 

[Niamh]

Thank you anniepie...made me shed a tear (not hard to do at the minute lol) so happy for
you that your time has come thank you for sharing your
story with me gives me hope xxx

 

[anniepie]

Happy to chat if you want to- feel free to pm me or other

 

[odd_socks]

Completely in the same situation, the only reason im waiting is because my OH doesnt feel ready for it, hes given me a rough ttc date but even now i dont see him sticking to that one either its certainly made me question our relationship but i couldnt imagine my life without him or having kids with someone else, i really want them with him Annie gave u perfect advice, just wanted u to know im in the same boat

 

[Niamh]

Yes I'd love to anniepie thank you...lovely to hear from someone that's had a similar experience. Not too sure how to personally message yet lol should learn!!! But it would be
great to keep in touch xx

 

[Niamh]

Hey odd socks lol I always have odd socks.... I am sure the washing machine eats them thanks for the reply sooo glad to see someone else in the same boat! Hey maybe we should be WTC buddies (but OH doesn't want to buddies lol not seen that group yet lol) !! Xxx

 

[odd_socks]

Hey odd socks lol I always have odd socks.... I am sure the washing machine eats them thanks for the reply sooo glad to see someone else in the same boat! Hey maybe we should be WTC buddies (but OH doesn't want to buddies lol not seen that group yet lol) !! Xxx

sounds right to me wtt buddies it is yea thats why i always have odd socks too seem's bad luck to have them matching now