oh performance anxiety?

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by celine, Oct 6, 2008.

  1. celine

    celine Well-Known Member

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    Well this is embarressing to say but does antone else's oh fail to launch at times because he feels the pressure to do so?
    Had a fab weekend with my mom away and lots of romps in the hay ;) but oh spotted my opks and wanted to see my chart and after that it all went a little odd.
    We tried again this morning a few times and a few places but he couldnt. He feels all sad because he wants to.
    Please tell me Im not the only one!

    EDITEd to say he doesnt fail to launch, he fails to 'finish'
     
  2. Alexas Mommy

    Alexas Mommy Well-Known Member

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    i have read that when ttc, men need to feel like they are more than just a walking sperm, so sometimes when they are quite aware that you are trying for a baby, they feel as though its only to make a baby, not feeling wanted for anything more, so maybe try to keep him away from your charts and opks. and make sure you add some bonus romps just for the two of you.
     
  3. celine

    celine Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Alexas mommy. :)
     
  4. Peanut78

    Peanut78 Mum of 2

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    My OH wasn't unable to finish per se, but it became really strained and a bit awkward. He told me he didn't want to know about O'ing as he felt too much pressure.... So now I keep it to myself and sometimes tell him after...
     
  5. loopylew

    loopylew Well-Known Member

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    My DH has this problem and has had for a few months on and off, i try not to say when im ovulating but its not an easy task as it actually adds pressure onto you rather than anything else. This problem will go away hun but it will take time and it might come back then go, come back then go but you will hopefully break the cycle x
     
  6. doc123

    doc123 pregnant first tri

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    hiya- think my oh is feeling pressure not to finish so much as start! He hates thinking about it in a functional way and ttc.. hes asked that i dont mention the process or what its for and that everything 'just happens'! If only they knew how much planning and watching and waiting it needs to get the right information so you know when to focus on it!!!!
    I need to hide all the paraphenalia from my other half too!!!! Last night he wasnt really in the mood and i had to try to gently suggest it was a good time to do it.. i'm cd12 and trying to wind up to lots of action over the next week...i tried to be subtle but in the end was fairly blunt we kinda needed to- and he was ok with it. Men are so funny!!!!!!

    I think there is so much pressure on men when it comes to ttc in some ways too... my hubby was worried about performance anxiety big time.. we havent had any issues so far but i suppose he might at some point....

    hoping this is just a short phase for you guys... its likely it will pass for sure and he'll get over the mental block of allowing himself to finish....wishing you good luck! Talk it over and i'm sure it will work out for you both.. goog luck for your bfp!
     
  7. Peanut78

    Peanut78 Mum of 2

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    OH and I have an agreement that I won't "advertise" when I am o'ing, but if he doesn't pick up on what he needs to do - then I tell it to him straight:blush: He also seems to be OK with that - tue men are so funny! :dohh:
     
  8. doc123

    doc123 pregnant first tri

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    I know they are totally crazy!!!!! And they say us girls are nuts...
     
  9. Annaspanna

    Annaspanna Mummy2Lyla x

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    I have had this a couple of times, don't worry ur not alone hun!! It seems that he so desperately wants to but gets all anxious and worried making him unable to finish, so yeah I keep all my baby making bits hidden away from him!! Bless them!
    It seems that when we don't need to do it he is always up and raring to go tho!! hehe! xx
     
  10. sandrass

    sandrass Beautiful daughter Alessa

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    my OH has been having this problem on occassion...

    What I have taken to doing is just kinda crawling all over him (sorry tmi) and just acting like I want it...instead of saying "we need to BD today I am ovulating!"

    Just makes it more fun and less stress for him I think.

    Just wanted to edit in...I DO want it btw the "acting like I want it" part sounds cruel lol.
     
  11. Omi

    Omi A Mummy At Last!

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    Hiya Celine,

    no you're not alone. And since we've been trying for a long time with a mc in the middle of it im afraid i cannot do the hiding stuff from him cause he's as anxious as me to get pg and asks when the optimum time is etc. Bless, lol!

    What i do is not to get upset about it. Never, ever, ever!! I think its stressful enough as it is and i just move on and try not to make a big deal about it. Whats else can you do?

    I'd also like to add thats its mostly oh being tired and thus not feeling up for it (pardon the pun, lol) so finnishing is not a problem but starting. I just overlook it and focus on us being a couple period, cuddeling etc and not so much on us being a couple ttc as its not gonna work otherwise-at all. I know it can be frustrating but i look at it as all part and parcel of ttc. After all- i could, if i so chose- just lie there and think of Scotland! :rofl: Alas, thats not an option for him, lol!

    So, again, in aswer to your question- you are most defenitely not alone!! :)

    :hug:, Omi xxx
     
  12. bebe

    bebe Well-Known Member

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    My DH occasionally has the same problem I too try and keep OPK's and things out of the way and use gentle persuasion!
     
  13. Kimberly28

    Kimberly28 HappyMum-2boys1girl <3

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    :rofl::rofl: too funny!!
     
  14. nikkip19

    nikkip19 expecting #1 :)

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    Thank God you wrote this!!! I was so tempted to write the same thread!! My husband is going crazy over this process.... he said hes so stressed out and that the whole time hes only thinking about making a baby!! hahah I understand .. but its very frustrating!:rofl:
     
  15. honey08

    honey08 mum2two boys/2mc

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    OMG ....this is like readin a post i cud of wrote a couple of mth ago !! after mc in mar08, i went all out with the opk's for starters, well that was enough,it was like a mega count down, and i thought gary wud want 2be a part of this...uknow neg cd12-13 and a pos cd14-15,so i showed him, c'mon we need2:sex::sex: asap, first time he cudnt get erection...next day he cudnt finish, and that was it game over 4me that mth already ! so now, he knows NOTHING:) sure of course in his head he might think "yeh uv 2lines on 1of them stick thingys" but i dont say it, and my gosh if just showin him a pos opk did that2him that mth,imagine wot a peak on my monitor..pos opk..charts and temp wud do2him!! LOL
    it gets better hun,and i know we girls get all excited when we get a pos opk...low temp...ewcm but ive learnt2use this forum only and never let it pass my lips at home!:) maybe the odd man wudnt feel the pressure of havin to perform NOW, but most do hun and it wont be like this4eva, good luck FX for u x x x
     
  16. Sombra

    Sombra Guest

    I wish I would have read this earlier...foolish me. My husband was asking questions about my cycle, days that were the best chance, etc. he even asked me to draw pictures on the calendar so that he knew what days to gear up for.

    HUGE mistake that I will not make again. He knows we are down to O time and hasn't been able to get it "started" two nights in a row. He had a complete breakdown about it because he wants a baby as badly as I do and after 7 months of trying we haven't been able to make it happen. Here it is, month 8, and we are out of the game before it even begins.

    I told him I thought we needed to stop TTC for awhile....which really just means I'm not going to mention ANYTHING about ANYTHING and just try to be super sexy when I know need to be.

    AHHH! Yet another hurdle in this process that is turning out to be way more complicated than I expected it to be. Why am I so stupid?
     
  17. dizzy65

    dizzy65 Prego w/ #3!! Its a Boy!!

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    i've herd that is common... mine isnt like that thou because we take a more laid back sort of way to ttc so there isnt all that "pressure"
     
  18. L.E.

    L.E. Mom of 1, TTC #2

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    Now that I'm finally Oing after all these years, I think that my DH is feeling the pressure, even if it is subconsciously.
     
  19. wishfulmom2b

    wishfulmom2b mommy

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    my hubby has it bad. even if i hide my charts, tests, etc. he knows. he just knows its been a few weeks since my period and such and gets so anxious. i was trying to be very understanding but it was making us both so emotional. what we decided to do was at home insemination. we have "normal" intercourse at other times of the month but when its time to try and make a bbaby he goes in a cup and i insert with a syringe. i then make myself orgasm (tmi) and lay down for a bit. took the pressure off. actually my cercix is a little off to the left so i think it helps if anything. it wont work for everyone but has for us. hoping for a BFP this week! testing on tuesday!
     
  20. daddiesgift

    daddiesgift Mom of Two

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    Just dont tell him! EVER :haha: When ttc our son the pressure was on! My husband is in the military so every other year since we married he has deployed somewhere for a year. Years went by, I got older,felt more alone, clock was ticking. We tried everything, all fertility tests, opks, clomid and some times my husband would have problems finishing or even getting "hard" it took a toll on our relationship then cause I thought he didnt want me or didnt want to have kids and just didnt want to tell me. Which he swore was not it he just kept saying "I dont know whats wrong with me!!"

    Well every month it was "Im getting older! I cant wait another year while you are gone! Im ovulating, lets have sex NOW! Doctor said I have x amount of eggs ready we HAVE TO have sex NOW!! RAWR RAWR RAWR" Looking back that wouldve freaked anyone out!! So I stopped telling him and stopped pressuring him. The month I got pregnant with our son I took clomid..but didnt mention when I did, I didnt mention doctor said I was ovulating, I just dressed up sexy and waited for him to come home for work and we had sex THREE times!! And with him more relaxed and myself I see why we might have finally got that BFP!

    Since we have decided to ttc again im smarter this time around. Yesterday I had egg white cm and l light opk line but I threw the test away under more trash so he didnt see..I seduced him all day instead of making it seem dire and like a "job" and he keeps asking when im going to ovulate and when we need to try and as bad as it is I lie and say "Oh I think the week of..." when that is the week after or before I actually do.
     

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