OH played me

[Kiki1993]

OH use to be the one making me wait for a little one. But last year I said he was right and i waned to wait too, to which he said well he wants a baby now and will wait for whenever i am ready. So ive been thinking he is ready now and its my choice when we try.
Well over the past few weeks i have been wanting to just try, so i spoke to OH again, at xmas we had a convo but it was mainly me trying to work through the pros and cons and OH nodded along until i said maybe we should just keep waiting. Well now im thinking we should have just tried, we are in a 3 bedroom, fair enough ide like to move but at the same time why should i let new neighbours run me out of a house ive been in for 5 years?! And we would have baby at wedding but who cares? So I had made my mind up and told OH I was ready to try now, he said he didn't actually want to. I said why and he said he wants to wait and has always wanted to wait... so why tell me it was my choice? I know i cant be mad at him for wanting to wait, but its the fact he made it out that he was ready and i was the one dragging my feet

 

[Eskimobabys]

that sucks but it's best to get married first that way your not fighting to get baby weight off before the wedding or stressing about planning while pregnant or with a newborn.also if something goes wrong and your unable to make medical decisions for yourself your husband can and he'll be considered family and not left out in the waiting room etc

 

[Kiki1993]

Logically i know hes right, and i do want to wait, but i hate knwoing its completely off the table for two years... since writing this i have been in tears, my dad planted flowers before he died, they strated growing in.... and someone has went and picked them.... not just one ... every single flower picked and dropped on the ground. my heart feels broken.

 

[callmedan]

it sucks having to be so logical and sensible about these things but also if you are hoping to get married, i am planning my wedding at the minute and it is SO stressful! and im not even bridezilla at all it just does take a lot, i cant imagine doing it with a LO
people are b£$%tards!!!! i hope your dads flowers grow again

 

[Sakura15]

Sorry, Kiki! I'd be quite ticked off! I don't think it matters so much whether you TTC before or after the wedding or moving, what matters most is you both being on the same page. It's been quite frustrating for me having something so important being so dependent on someone else as well, but I've sucked it up, cried it out when necessary, and tried to focus on my financial and career goals in the meantime. I know that the time spent waiting is not wasted, but that hasn't made it easy.

...and what kind of sad person messes with flowers??!! Feel as heartbroken as you need to. But know that you will feel happier again

 

[annio84]

That sounds like a horrible thing to do. I'm sure he didn't mean it to be mean but I would make sure he undertands how upset it makes you being messed around like that. It almost sounds like he was relieved at not being the one making you wait and it just backfired on him.

As to the flowers, you really have to wonder about some people. Are they a type that can grow back?

 

[Kiki1993]

They can grow again because they werent ripped at the root but its the fact he planted them for mum to cheer her up when he was gone and then someone just rips them apart, i wouldnt mind if it was a kid taking one to give to their mum or something, but they just ripped every single flower off squashed them up and dumped them on the ground. Who does that? My brother went mental at me for being annoyed saying "kids will be kids" ... yeah asbo kids.
Yeah thats all i want to be on the same page, im starting to really question my OH and his stand on kids, he always says he wants them but ive noticed at baby aisles he always pulls me away jokingly, he listens to me baby talk and stuff and smiles and says yeah thats cute and stuff, like when i was brainstorming about names and he says yeah i like them but he doesnt offer suggestions etc... the fact he kept saying he wants kids now, and now says he wants to wait until at least after the wedding and now maybe moving and he has also added another holiday to our list. It's making me worry that he will be one of those guys that just say "next year" forever, i dont mind if i have to wait 5 more years if thats what he wants but i need to know now so i can stop getting hopes up etc.

 

[LucyLadyBug]

Basically lying and saying he is ready for kids when he's not is not cool.

It is okay for him to be not ready and nervous about setting a future date. But it would be good for you two to have a conversation where he is honest with you about why he doesn't feel ready yet, and how/when/why he might be later.

Waiting because of wedding or moving house can be reasons to logically wait. But goals for why you are waiting is not the same as being ready or not ready to be a parent when the time comes.

I've been ready to be a mum for years, my partner L has felt emotionally ready to be a dad for about a year and a half (just asked him). But my other partner TG whilst warming a lot to the idea and joining in with baby name discussions and happily discussing parenting ideas is open that he isn't ready to start trying just yet.

Which is okay, don't get me wrong, I'd be excited if all 3 of us were ready now, but there are other goals we are waiting for in the meantime. (Modernising house a little, TG moving in with us, commitment ceremony/name change next year, etc...).

 

[busytulip]

I don't have much to add that others haven't already said. I think an open, honest discussion would be ideal. Offering up big