OH rant! Somethings you just don't say to a pregnant female...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by MsLaura, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. MsLaura

    MsLaura First trimester!

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2011
    Messages:
    140
    Likes Received:
    0
    So... OH is drinking tonight and he comes to me saying I don't show his son as much love as I show my daughter. My daughter is a cling on and his son is distant. Kira talks about EVERYTHiNG and Brenden not so much. Justin (OH) had the audacity to tell me he guarantees that his son doesn't love me and if he asked him if he did he would say no! Maybe I do show Kira a little more attention because she's an attention hog. Brenden just plays his video games all the time or is yelling at Kira for everything she says. They fight and argue about everything. They would argue over what color the sky is. Brenden is 12 and Kira is 6 so there is a significant age difference and Kira just doesn't see things like brenden does. I just can't believe Justin would say that to me and I know he wouldn't have if he was sober! He would've worded it differently but afterwards I got in the bathtub and cried the whole time because I do love brenden I just don't know exactly how to show it. My family is very distant and doesn't say I love you all the time. I say it to Kira because all of a sudden when I got pregnant she's says it every 10 minutes and I tell her I love her too. I just needed to get this out and it's pointless talking to OH right now it would just turn into an argument and me running to my room crying. I'm so depressed right now and OH doesn't even notice he's outside drunk dialing his friends oblivious to the tears running down my face right now. Anyways thank you ladies for taking the time to read this. I hope everyone has a H&H pregnancy!
     
  2. AngelUK

    AngelUK Mummy of twin boys

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2011
    Messages:
    20,357
    Likes Received:
    2,414
    :hugs: I am so sorry he was so insensitive to say such things to you! I wish I could offer you advice but I have no step kids or even kids of my own yet. The only thing I can think of to suggest is to maybe wait till OH is sober again tomorrow (unless he is hung-over) and calmly address the issue. It has to be an issue for your OH and maybe for your boy or it wouldn't have come up. Possibly you and your OH together can come up with bondy things you and your boy could do together so he knows that he is loved too?
     
  3. luckybreak

    luckybreak Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    1,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    A drunken man words are a sober man thoughts....this is something that has been bothering him for a while and alcohol just gave him the "power" in reading your daughter vs your step son it seems like good vs detached. If you don't really know how to relate perhaps once OH comes down from alcohol heaven you have a serious talk about his "speech" and tell him what you told us, you really don't know how to reach a tween young boy and you need him to help you. Tell him you love his son but you don't really know how to get there and ask for his opinion it will show him you really do care and want to get to know him better. Good luck :hugs:
     
  4. KendraNoell

    KendraNoell Mother to Jackson :)

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2011
    Messages:
    3,113
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't necessarily believe the "drunken words are sober thoughts". I have lied my butt off to people when not sober. He could have just been trying to stir the pot as well.
     
  5. luckybreak

    luckybreak Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    1,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    have you ever lied about your children? stir the pot about not loving his child? you can lie, steal and cheat drunk but when it comes to children I think there is a history here and he is just now voicing it. This is more common that one might think when you have a couple with children that they are not their own..very hard to make a one rule for all and show them all one love specially with an age difference.
     
  6. sandilion

    sandilion Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2011
    Messages:
    4,665
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree that this is definitely an issue that needs to be addressed once he sobers up ...I don't think it's right that he lashed out like that but i can understand why he is upset or frustrated if he is feeling that his son is being left out... He's just being a protective father, sure he should have gone about it differently but alas it's out in the open now so it really needs to be talked about.

    Does he give your daughter as much love as he does his son? It has to go both ways.
     
  7. kate1984

    kate1984 Expecting a Princess

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2,089
    Likes Received:
    0
  8. Mabythistime

    Mabythistime Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2011
    Messages:
    715
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well, in my opinion, when a boy is 12, they are really not like a 6 year old girl. Lovy dovy is the last thing they want to be. Yes, a quiet moment or so they like, but they tend to want to be left alone and play their games. Depending on what kind of child he is, but from what you described, I think he is one of the boys who likes being on his own with his stuff. That makes some of them happiest., I have a 14 year old foster child that lives with us, and that is what I have experienced. Nothing do do with how much he love or dont love.

    Sometimes OH's (both ways) just have a completey wrong impression of something. Who knows, maybe your OH noticed his son becoming distant and is taking it a bit personally (not realising that it is totally normal) and somehow wants his son to be the same as your daughter with the i loves you's etc? Going from the little boy to medium boy ... there are bound to be some changes.

    Good luck and I hope the situation sorts itself out very quickly.

    :hugs:
     
  9. KendraNoell

    KendraNoell Mother to Jackson :)

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2011
    Messages:
    3,113
    Likes Received:
    0
    I do believe that people who are low enough lie about their children, yes.
     
  10. luckybreak

    luckybreak Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    1,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    I give you that for sure.
     
  11. KendraNoell

    KendraNoell Mother to Jackson :)

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2011
    Messages:
    3,113
    Likes Received:
    0
    MsLaura, have you had a chance to talk to him?
     
  12. fairy3853

    fairy3853 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    527
    Likes Received:
    0
    cross posted, sorry
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice