OH's non-reaction to pregnancy?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by surprisebaby, Aug 31, 2009.

  1. surprisebaby

    surprisebaby Guest

    Basically my situation is that I have been dating this guy for about ten months and then a couple of months ago we decided to make it exclusive (not see anyone else). Anyway a month ago I went to see him for the weekend. He's a uni student and stays at his parent's house over the summer cos he was working there. When I visited him for the weekend there we stayed at a hotel and ended up having sex for the first time with each other (used withdrawal method cos unprepared). Anyway I found out 2 weeks later I was pregnant and tried to tell him by phone (no answr) so I texted the news and also emailed him and have not heard anything at all for almost three weeks now! I have no idea what he thinks about it all at all. I told him in messages that I am keeping the baby. Has anyone had this kind of experience before where basically u are ignored?

    I know he is due back next week at uni, but can't believe he has not contacted me at all. Any thoughts?
     
  2. BBonBoard

    BBonBoard Proud Mommy of 2 girls

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    sorry no experience. but wanted to send you some HUGS.
     
  3. EternalRose

    EternalRose Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun, just want to say really sorry this has happened to you cant imagine how you must be feeling :hugs: I have not had this happened to me, but I would be angry as hell with him to just ignore you like this. I mean you both decided to use the withdrawal method and i believe it takes two to tango so he couldnt be blaming you. I would politely send him an email saying " this baby is not going to just disappear " and things can be put in place to make sure he keeps up his end of the bargain. Im sorry but it took two of you to make this baby and i feel so bad for you that he thinks he can just pretend its not happening. :growlmad:
     
  4. busybuzybee

    busybuzybee Well-Known Member

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    I am thinking of you xxx
     
  5. Seity

    Seity Mom to Gabriel and Samuel

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    Maybe it's that I'm an old fogey, but texting or emailing that kind of news to someone seems wrong. I mean, in person is preferred though sometimes not possible, in which case phoning would be acceptable. I'll go back in my cave now. :flower:
    But in any case, he really should have got back to you by now. Not giving any kind of response is pretty sad.
    I imagine he's been a bit thrown for a loop by the news. Hopefully, he comes around soon and gets in contact with you. Good luck.
     
  6. gnomette

    gnomette mummy of 2 an 2 angels x

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    hi yeh i had a simillar experiance with the father of my son! it was easier for me to find him for a start hes always been a big drinker! so i went to his local hunt really early (an sat with a coke of course) an i managed to catch him befor he'd had a skin full. anyway i took him to one side an told him. he said nothin apart from what do you want me to do about it? well to cut a very long storie short he didnt get in contact again until i was about 6months preg an he asked if i had decided to keep it an if i did what did i want from him i told him i wanted nothin from him an he was totaly shocked he has never seen my son an it has suited me down to the ground my son cant miss something hes never had an he is a wel rounded polite an happy little 5 year old now dont get me wrong it was hard work but i dont regrett any part of it i have loved being a single mum an in some ways its been easier cause my mates always moan bout how their husbands/partners never do anything there was only me so i knew i had to do everything an i had no one to worry about apart from me an my lil man! i met up with an old school friend 2years ago an we are now married an expectin another lil one (i have to share this time) but you r jus need to concentrate on you an your lil one an tell him if he wants to see you or bab then he can but its his loss if he doesnt! my son has never to this day met his father but its not affected him in anyway. i jus told him he was special cause he only had a mummy an that i love him more than anything an hes ok!
    if you need any help or support then feel free to message me or i am around the chat room alot you may have to remind me who you are as i have scrambled eggs for brains
    i hope this helps you
    take care lovely
    :hugs::hugs:
     
  7. 1st_timer

    1st_timer Pregnant with number 1!

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    I think he's probably really scared... as must you be. If he's at uni he's probably freaking out about what effect this is going to have on his life. However, that's no excuse because as Eternal Flame says it take two..

    Are you at uni together? If so, maybe it's best to wait until you are both back there and try and talk to him in person about the whole thing?

    Bigs higs sweetie - this is a horrible situation for you to be in...do you have supportive friends and family who you can turn to?

    xx
     
  8. dali

    dali Well-Known Member

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    have you made it clear that you want him to call you ?
    is it possible that he thinks you having texed and emailed him means that you dont want to talk to him ?
    not making excuses but just wondering if there has been a missunderstanding or if he didnt get your messages somehow?
    if this isnt the case then he may just be scared of what it means for the two of you... keep trying to call and leaving messages for a bit , but if he wont respond then i would take you baby and move on hun :(
    good luck with everything
     
  9. surprisebaby

    surprisebaby Guest

    Thanks. I can't email him anymore, because I deleted his email address and mobile number after he just kept ignoring me, but I think that would have been good thing to say. x
     
  10. surprisebaby

    surprisebaby Guest

    To me it seems wrong too. I could have waited till he came back here for uni, he lives in a different country,but that would have meant waiting a month more. So thats why I decided to phone, but when he didn't answer the phone (perhaps I should have kept trying to phone), I thought if I text the news then he knows straight away. But now I wish I had told him more directly so he could know his reaction! x
     
  11. surprisebaby

    surprisebaby Guest

    Thanks. I would find that strange to deal with. Having a child and the father never seeing the child ever. I would be really shocked if that what eventually happens to me and my "b/f" never sees our baby, cos it will look like him in some way. But it's nice to hear you dealt with situation so well. I think the worst thing is not knowing what he wants. x
     
  12. surprisebaby

    surprisebaby Guest

    I am not that scared because I have two children already (14) and (10). I know what to expect, but have never been without the father of child during my pregnancy. i am not at uni. I was doing a masters which is how I met baby's father (at a uni club which I am not at anymore). I think it is best to speak to him when he gets back, but I have no idea if he will ever contact me again, and worry about bumping into him in the future and it being very awkward.
    Yes I do have supportive friends and my sister is great, but i dunno sometimes its better speaking on this forum cos I don't really know anyone on here. I just can't believe he is completely ignoring such important news. x
     
  13. surprisebaby

    surprisebaby Guest

    I think I made it very clear I wanted him to contact me especially at the start. Then after about four days of nothing, I got really angry about him ignoring me and texted him that "I assume since you are ignoring my calls and texts that you don't want anything to do with me or our baby which is fine. I won't contact you again"

    Still no reply and then about 5 days later I realised my phone had started not to work at all so I emailed him the pregnancy news also and said that he could email me or phone my house cos my mobile was not working any more. I said in the email that even if he didn't want to be with me it was his baby too and we could at least be friends.

    A week ago I deleted all contact, because I realised I had phoned twice, texted 4 times and emailed twice, whereas he hasn't contacted me even once and I want to give him time to think if he needs it, but I just wish he could say something like " I can't speak to you just now, but I'll phone you when I'm ready to", but there's just nothing.

    I think I could accept whatever he wants as long as I know what he wants. i just hope he contacts me soon so I can just move on to the appropriate stage. x
     
  14. lanaross

    lanaross Mom to Bella and Greyson

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    Long shot but you've mentioned he's in another country right now? I usually turn off all my roaming not to pay insane charges. I disappeared for two weeks just recently only to find over 200 worried txt/emais waiting for me. Could this be the case?
    Absolutely agree with Seity - this kind of news are not txt or email conversation, but what's done is done, don't worry. Talk to him in person when you see him. If he's resistant, move on and don't look back.
     
  15. surprisebaby

    surprisebaby Guest

    Actually now that I think about he said something about going to travel in Europe in August so maybe he did that and so didn't get messages? I don't know, but I know where he lives he does get my messages because the two places are not that far away. We both live in UK. But yeah I am kind of waiting to speak to him in person. And once i know what he is doing I will move on in which ever direction happens. I.e If he doesn't want anything to do with me and baby I will just leave him be and forget about him.
     
  16. glowbabe

    glowbabe Well-Known Member

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    Sorry this is happening to you. It must really be hard to feel like you don't have the support of the father right now. Right when your hormones are getting all wacky and you're having physical and emotional ups + downs, this is probably the very last thing you need to worry about right now. Some men are just plain jerks. Hopefully you have a good support system, like family members and/or close friends that you can rely on right now. Wishing you and your baby the very best.
     
  17. Seity

    Seity Mom to Gabriel and Samuel

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    Hopefully, its just that he's out of country and hasn't got the info yet. I hope that's all it is and he gets in touch with you soon.
     
  18. JennTheMomma

    JennTheMomma Mommy of 1 & Expecting #2

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    Never been in that situation. But maybe he thinks its way too soon, maybe he's not ready or even wants to be a father, maybe he thinks that you cheated if you found out only after 2 weeks from intercourse, maybe he's scared, maybe he's nervous, etc, etc, etc. There is probably a lot going in his mind at the moment and he's trying to wrap his head around the whole situation. Give it time, and hopefully he'll talk to you. Good luck to you!
     
  19. gnomette

    gnomette mummy of 2 an 2 angels x

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    yeh there is that but at the same time its never really made me think bout my ex my son jus looks like my son it doesnt really click cause the two of them have never been side by side or even in the same room! we will let you know soon enough what he wants so try not to worry about it jus concentrate on what you need to do for you an bab!
    i know its easier said than done believe me but you will be fine i promise xx
    :hugs::hugs:
     

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