okay I dont think i could be hurting anymore right now :'(

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by JustMe., Jan 27, 2011.

  1. JustMe.

    JustMe. Well-Known Member

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    please someone tell me if i am just being stupid. Well here goes - yesterday, i hacked my boyfriends facebook account. i know it was probly a silly thing to do but i couldnt help it. Since last july he told me and swore on my life that he doesnt go on it anymore cause he forgot his password. Which yesterday i found out is aload of crap cause he has been emailing people this month. And so i went through all his emails and found emails to girls from july and august (we had just got back together towards the end of july as over the summer we were on a break) and to this 1 girl called amber he had been saying stuff like how badly he wants to "shag" her and they were planning to meet up and get drunk together and have sex. I wont go into details cause some of the stuff they were sayin 2 eachother is disgusting, it made me want to be sick. Anyway i found out that in the end they didnt have sex but he kept trying it on with her and he fingered her. We werent together at ths point (i dont think) but we were talking and in the process of sorting things out. Plus he has sworn on my life that he has never done anything with another girl apart from kiss. Finding this out has actually teared me apart, i dont know why cause its not as if ive never done anything with another boy. I just hate the thought of him touching someone else like that, it makes me feel sick. And also, that girl is only 15 and he is 19. There was emails to two more girls that were sent in august, when we were together and a few days before we found out i was pregnant. They werent as bad but he was asking them to come and meet him and for their numbers. Why would he do this. He has lied to me. We had a big argument last nite and now i really dont no what to do. He said he loves me and wants to spend the rest of hs life with me and baby. But how am i meant to trust him?
     
  2. poppy144

    poppy144 Well-Known Member

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    oh hun, not really sure what to say. Has he sent any other emails since you found out you are pregnant? Maybe now that the baby is on her way he has manned up and become the responsible father-to-be and not emailing these or any other girls.

    I'd feel as torn as you but if he hasn't contacted anyone for a while maybe he really has turned over a new leaf.
    Big hugs X
     
  3. camerashy

    camerashy Well-Known Member

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    oh hun :( sounds like theres no trust there and tbh i dont blame u not trusting him............dont really know what to advise hun........perhaps alot of talking ....but as they say "actions speak louder than words!" really hope u can sort things out with him but dont stay with him just for the sake of baby ....u desrve to be happy and feel loved and sucure too!!! dont just settle hun xxxx
     
  4. JustMe.

    JustMe. Well-Known Member

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    thanks x from what I could see no he hasnt spoke to any1 else like that since we found out im pregnant. Ive barely managed 2 eat anythin yesterday and this mornin, i keep feelin sick and only had 4 hours sleep last nite. I dont know if its cos of all the stress and hurt or a bug :( x
     
  5. minkymoo

    minkymoo Well-Known Member

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    The sickness and loss of appetite will no doubt be the hurt (been there done that) but it will pass. You're still in shock hun. There is no real advice I can give as any decision has to be yours alone but perhaps a couple of days apart so you can get your head together wouldn't be a bad thing?

    It is incredibly hard to get trust back once it has gone, but some people manage it and I know you probably feel like ripping your eyeballs out as all you can see is those emails at the moment? You sensed something was amiss and you were right though.

    As another poster said, perhaps since the BFP he has grown up and been faithful etc. It will take time to get over this hun, I won't lie, but it is possible.

    Good Luck xxx
     
  6. starlight2801

    starlight2801 Well-Known Member

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    Oh honey I'm so, so sorry to hear this. I have been here too and I know how much it hurts.

    As the other ladies have said where you take it from here only you can decide. There is a chance that he will have decided to grow up since he found out that he was going to become a father but it can be really hard to rebuild trust after something like this and ultimately you can't have a relationship without trust.

    My advice is not to make any speedy decisions, talk to him, take some head space if you need it and think about what you want. Don't let anyone rush you, even though you have a LO on the way.

    As I mentioned before it will be hard to get though this but if you feel the relationship is worth fighting for sometimes it can still work out - me and my OH got through (6 years ago now) and although it hurt so much at the time I'm so glad that we did as I love him with all my heart and there's no one else I would rather be having this baby with.

    Take care of yourself and huge hugs :hugs: xxxxx
     
  7. JustMe.

    JustMe. Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou everyone :hugs: I know i love him, and i cant imagin being with anyone else. Anyone else ive ever been with has never felt the same as with my bf, but we've been through so much and im so used to hurting like this i thought i would have been able to cope with it by now lol. But yeah i need a real big think and maybe a few days away. Xx
     
  8. Mini_Me_x

    Mini_Me_x Well-Known Member

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    Goodluck Sweetie,

    I've been through this too - and it hurts like no one can even begin to describe.

    Hopefully he realised what you meant to him when you found out you were pregnant, and if no more messages have been found..the only thing you can do is listen to what he has to say and how he feels. Trust your instinct hun, you know him better than anyone.

    Take some time to think, give him time to himself to think about things. And then set some ground rules. The funny thing about facebook and things for men is that it makes it easy for them to flirt etc. Half the time its not like its reality. He shouldnt have kept the fact that he is still on facebook if he said he wasnt. So now he will have to be totally transparent with you. You dont trust him right now, so he will have to tell you what he is thinking and how he is feeling to gain YOUR trust.

    And like Starlight said, these things can be resolved, and as much as every little word he wrote makes your heart ache. It DOES get easier - its been a year and a half for me and my hubby. And i can honestly say I am glad to still be here with him, and having his baby is the best decision i've ever made.

    Goodluck huni xxxx
     
  9. newmommy23

    newmommy23 Mommy to Mollymaia

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    my fob and i were together 4 years. in oct 2009 he cheated on me with a girl, fingered her. sadly he continued that relationship until feb 2010..while we were dating. I tried to forgive...but honestly its hard. we aren't together now because he broke up with me to "work out ewhat he wants"
    good luck honey. I understand how you feel...
     
  10. lilacmonkey87

    lilacmonkey87 Well-Known Member

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    Hey,

    I know how you feel, i caught my at the time boyfriend doing all manner of things like the filthy texts, msn msgs and on faceparty, he would even disapear at the weekends sometimes and not come home at night, he would go and pick up girls in his car etc and then come home with a bunch of flowers. i used to check his hotmail, go through his phone, any social networking account that he had, i would go through his msn chatlogs the lot. i remember how it always seemed like a good idea at the time and how i just couldnt help myself. when i think back now i wonder why i wasted my time, i mean in sneaking around checking up on him and hacking his accounts i was an enemy unto myself. Even though i knew how much it would hurt if i found something...i still went looking for it. In the end i black bagged him and sent him on his way cause i just didnt want to live in fear wondering if he was upto something.

    It seems quite alot of girls exhaust themselves by spying on their bfs and facebook seems to cause problems for a lot of couples. My cousins bf slept with his ex behind her back and she found out by going through his facebook account, now she signs into his account on her blackberry on a regular basis. She hasnt found anything since and they are getting a mortgage soon but that doesnt stop her from keeping tabs on him. This is what she feels she has to do now cause of what he has done. My concern of course is what happens the next time she finds something? I try and tell her to not go snooping around and that it is best to forgive and move on but seems like she is unable.

    Ultimately it is your decision, im sure you will make the right choice for you, it is harder in your situation cause you have this little person to think about as well now and he/she will be affected by your choice. i would suggest like some of the other women have said that maybe a few days or a week apart will help you clear your mind a little, dont make a speedy decision, take off the rose tints and weigh things up properly and be 100% confident in whatever path you choose to go down.

    Take care!

    x
     
  11. welshprincess

    welshprincess mum of 3 handsome boys

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    well i am sorry to b blunt here but what he as done is against the law. its classed as peodophillia (excuse spellin) and i for one would not want a man any where near me if he as a thing for minors
     
  12. JustMe.

    JustMe. Well-Known Member

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    How come its classed as that if they didnt have sex?x
     
  13. lilacmonkey87

    lilacmonkey87 Well-Known Member

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    He can hardly be classed as a man at 19, granted that its unlawful the fact that he is of legal age and the girl in question isnt. i do think using a word like paedophilia is a bit strong. when i was growing up it was a common occurance for lads at the arse end of adolescence to show an interest in girls classed as minors or girls that were only just barely legal. the reason being in my opinion that girls in this age group are more easily led than say a girl who has a higher sexual maturity.

    i went to school with a lad years ago that started dating a girl who could at the time be classed as a minor, they are still together now and have settled down with a kiddi but i never would have associated him with the word paedophile.

    Perhaps people will disagree but thats my personal opinion and also people can make mistakes it might be like the other ladies have said that becoming a father has made him grow up. No offence to welshprincess i do understand the statement about minors and the legalities but the issue isnt to do with a difference in age its about where you are going to go from this point onwards in regards to your relationship and what is best for you and baby.

    xx
     
  14. newmommy23

    newmommy23 Mommy to Mollymaia

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    Minors cannot consent to any sexual act.
     
  15. storm4mozza

    storm4mozza Mom of 3 :)

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    sorry no advice but didnt want to read and run :hugs:
     
  16. lulu35

    lulu35 Well-Known Member

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  17. welshprincess

    welshprincess mum of 3 handsome boys

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    sorry for my harsh opinion but its just how i feel. if the 15 year old was my daughter i would be informing the relevant authorities. i feel very strong about any sexual act toward a minor no matter the age and any one who is old enough to consent doin anythin with anyone who is too young should sign a child protection register and be known to all the public for what they have done. its wrong its dirty and i just dont agree with it
     
  18. welshprincess

    welshprincess mum of 3 handsome boys

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    regarding where to go in the relationship that is entirely up to u hunny. What ever u decide he needs to work hard at gaining your trust all over again. He was probably feelin a little insecure himself but he should not of done or be doin what he did. If u do decide to stick and try again the best advice i can give is forgive and forget, dont bring up the past up in future arguments, it will only hurt u in the lomg run and bring ur trust insecurities to the surface again. Good luck with whatever u decide and always know the girls on bnb will always b here for a shoulder to cry on or just to have a good ole moan too :hugs:
     
  19. KatieB

    KatieB Well-Known Member

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    Like Welsh Princess says above, if you do decide to stay with him you can't keep bringing up the past as you will only end up hating him and feeling resentful towards him. I suppose it depends on whether or not you can ultimately forgive him for such behaviour - if you can you are certainly a more forgiving person that me. You've got to do what is right for you, but can you see this happening again? Best of luck with making your decision and make it for yourself not what others tell you to do x
     
  20. donna-c-86

    donna-c-86 Well-Known Member

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    i know if it was me i wouldnt b able to 4get something like that and therefore it wouldnt b fair on the child cuz i wouldnt b able to trust fob. but its ur decision only u know how far ur willing to b pushed x
     

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