older children not new partners - hope that makes sense!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by MummyMummy, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. MummyMummy

    MummyMummy Well-Known Member

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    i really don't know how to word/ask my question so please do bare with me...

    my partner isn't my 3year olds daddy as you know, but does everything his real dad should do (including being there on first day of nursery school! don't even get me started about that!!!). 3year old knows he has two daddys and infact told his real daddy this when he seen him a week or so ago, this according to real dad isn't a problem. don't want to cut my ex out of childs life(nor does new partner), that isn't my place. don't want to replace 'real' daddy with 'new', just want 3year old to have a chance to bond with both and share his life with both, kwim? tbh im very thankful for 'new' daddy as he is alot more help and support than 'real' daddy.

    3year old sometimes calls new partner daddy (aswell as daddy *insert what ever animal hes liking atm here* ie. daddy pig/daddy cat... no we haven't a clue either appart from peppa pig says 'daddy *insert animal*' and he likes peppa pig?)and sometimes by his name, which again is fine as HE decided that, not us. kwim? we've never forced it upon him and never would, all we've tried to do is explain that he has 2daddys to look after him and love him and two daddys he can go to if there's something he needs to tell, not that 'new' daddy IS daddy.kwim? and would never say anything bad about his real daddy. partner doesn't mind either way and ex doesn't have a problem with it he 'gets' that my new partner has a say/imput etc and is an influence in 3year olds life, so long as 'my' son is happy then whatever he decides is right for all of us. so as you can probally tell 3year old seems ok with things, as does ex and current partner. so we are allhappy with names/rolls atm.

    now my problem.

    new baby will hear 3year old saying partners name aswell as daddy to my new partner/new babys daddy and i'm worried it will confuse the NEW baby. does that make sense? any tips/advice?

    anybody any experience with children not to same partner? was the above a problem? did it cause confusion for new baby (and older child for that matter)? should we agree on one name and stick to it that both babys use? i'm worrying myself silly thinking that the babys will be very confused. god i'm confused. i don't want to make it seem like new baby sees his daddy all the time but that 3year old doesn't and that makes him different kwim? 3year old has noticed latly that his daddy hasn't been around much (not down to us, i've phoned/seen ex several times about 3year old but nothing ever comes of it! same old story)

    when we told 3year we were having a baby we said new partner is our new babys daddy and he was like 'noooo mummy that's *insert name*' but of course several months have passed since then and we have been living together for several months on our own too and 3year old seems to 'get' now that we are a family like peppa pig again, he's told us several times about peppa and george and new baby. peppa pig has alot to answer for i tell you!! lol!

    xXx
     
  2. Jkelmum

    Jkelmum Well-Known Member

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    My 2 older kids call my hubby chris and Ethan calls him daddy it has never been a problem Ethan just exepts this IYKWIM ? My 2 older kids will never call him dad but due to being a lot older then your lo ...I would say just go with the flow and if new baby calls daddy by his name then correct him/her by sayyin its daddy sorry i wasnt much help x
     
  3. MummyMummy

    MummyMummy Well-Known Member

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    thanks for the advice! :D

    we thought just go along with it but then thought if i said no that's daddy that 3year old will then think new partnersto be called daddy and we wouldhave forced it on him which obv isn't what wewant to do at all!this whole 2 kids thing seems like hard work! :lol:

    has there ever been a divide between 'em? not to sound rude, but did your husband spend as much time with new baby as older children?

    asi said mr.manand 3year old get on great, really adore eachother, but i still keep thinking it's human nature to be drawn to your own although partner assures metime and time again he isn't that kind ofperson and he loves 3year old so much.

    xXx
     
  4. 2nd time mum

    2nd time mum Well-Known Member

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    I would think your partner and 3 year old already have their own wee relationship going that the new baby shouldn't come between them. We have a 13 year old and OH and I separated and he whad another child who is also 3 and I won't be treating her any different once our new baby comes along. LIke that my stepdaughter and I have a fantastic relationship and I would never jeopardise that.

    Can't answer your other question as both my kids are to same dad but I would just go with it and deal with the problem when it happens.

    Good luck
     
  5. Jkelmum

    Jkelmum Well-Known Member

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    He treats them all the same although we do argue he can be a bit hard on my 13 yr old but he states thats cos he cares and doesnt want him to end up in dead end job like himself ....My position is different due to my lo being older they was 12 and 8 when i had ethan so old enough to understand xxx
     
  6. Pink_Witch

    Pink_Witch proud mummy of 6

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    I already had 4 kids when i met my hubby. They were aged- 9,7,3 and 18months. They still saw their bio dad quite regularly, but after i had been with hubby for about 8 months the eldest had grown quite close to him and asked me if he would mind if she called him 'dad', which she did and he said he didnt mind. Because she was calling him that all the others started to as well.

    Of course when the ex found this out he went mental saying to them "hes not your dad-im your only dad" but that didnt stop them calling hubby it-they just never mentioned it in front of the ex.

    Since then contact between them and the ex has ceased and they have nothing to do with him or his family-that was the kids choice-and i have a court order preventing him coming anywhere near them (long story!), so in fact hubby has been a big part of their lives for the last 8 years-and seeing as the youngest girl is only 9 and the last contact she had with the ex were 3x1hour supervised sessions back in 2003- hubby has been the bigger part of her life than the ex has.

    Their ages now are almost 17 ( she actually legally changed her surname to hubbys last year) 15,10 and 9 and they know that hubby isnt their bio dad, they know how to contact him if they ever wanted to-but they chose that they wanted nothing to do with him.

    They adore their dad and they know they can trust him 100%,he loves them to bits too and he is very close to them all-even though now we have a 6 year old of our own and another baby on the way, he thinks of them all as his own, and when people ask him how many kids he has he says 5 and one on the way!!

    I think if the child choses to call him dad then that obviously shows that they feel happy around that person!!
     

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