Ok so my husband and I can't agree on another baby. This has been going on for months and tonight I brought it up again and I said I'm willing to split up the family over it (we already have a 2 year old). Nothing has been finalised but it sounds like that's the only compromise.
Omg think I'm seperating with my husband over this
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littlesteph
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If you love each other you can make it work with or without another child, he might not be ready for another, some prefer big age gaps, don't spilt over something like that, your 2 year old will one day ask why you spilt.
Iveneverseen
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Wow Really you are willing to leave your husband and split up your family why?!
If you are willing to go to such dramatic lengths because he doesn't want a baby right now maybe marriage and babies isn't for you. when you get married and have kids it isn't just about you!
If you are willing to go to such dramatic lengths because he doesn't want a baby right now maybe marriage and babies isn't for you. when you get married and have kids it isn't just about you!
AJCart
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Your first little one is only 2, so you have plenty of time left for another baby.
Compromise isn't a case of "you won't do what I want so I'm leaving." Compromise is a matter of "I can see that at this point in time you are uncomfortable with another baby. How about we agree to leave it alone for now and revisit the issue in 6 months/a year/2 years."
Compromise isn't a case of "you won't do what I want so I'm leaving." Compromise is a matter of "I can see that at this point in time you are uncomfortable with another baby. How about we agree to leave it alone for now and revisit the issue in 6 months/a year/2 years."
staralfur
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Exactly this. Saying you're leaving isn't a compromise at all.
Please think really hard about the effect a separation/divorce would have on your 2 year old. It is HUGE.
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Did you ask him why he doesn't want another child right now? I think it's a cop out to say you'll leave him because of that. I can understand leaving him if he was abusive to you or your child but I think you're being selfish.
Angel_blues
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I think you have every right to feel that way. I know I've felt that way before (we have no children yet) and ladies on here would be lying if you ALL said none of you have ever felt this way too. (I'm not saying all of you)
If you need to talk, vent or cry over the internet; I'll be here to listen
If you need to talk, vent or cry over the internet; I'll be here to listen
staralfur
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I have to say that I think it's MUCH different in a situation where you haven't had children yet.
It would take A LOT for me to consider putting my daughter through that. The separate houses, going back and forth, going days without seeing one of her parents, spending holidays away from each other, dealing with step-parents, step-siblings... there are very few things that would make me choose that life for her. It would be an absolute last resort.
I have always wanted 2 kids, I'm an only child and I hated it growing up. I still hate it now. I would be devastated if my husband told me he didn't want another (and I know he'd be fine with just one and doesn't want another right now). But ultimately, is it worth bringing another child into the world at the expense of the child I already have? I really can't see how. My little one's happiness and stability comes first. I suppose if I felt I couldn't love my husband anymore if he didn't give me another baby then I wouldn't stay with him, but that would make me question how much I loved him in the first place.
If my husband had said, only 2 years after having our daughter, and after only discussing it for a few months, that he was willing to split our family up over it... I would be livid and extremely hurt.
It would take A LOT for me to consider putting my daughter through that. The separate houses, going back and forth, going days without seeing one of her parents, spending holidays away from each other, dealing with step-parents, step-siblings... there are very few things that would make me choose that life for her. It would be an absolute last resort.
I have always wanted 2 kids, I'm an only child and I hated it growing up. I still hate it now. I would be devastated if my husband told me he didn't want another (and I know he'd be fine with just one and doesn't want another right now). But ultimately, is it worth bringing another child into the world at the expense of the child I already have? I really can't see how. My little one's happiness and stability comes first. I suppose if I felt I couldn't love my husband anymore if he didn't give me another baby then I wouldn't stay with him, but that would make me question how much I loved him in the first place.
If my husband had said, only 2 years after having our daughter, and after only discussing it for a few months, that he was willing to split our family up over it... I would be livid and extremely hurt.
Thatnks all for your comments, but it's not quite a simple as me saying I'm leaving him over it. We have been discussing this for several months and can't seem to come to a decision. He's keeps agreeing that we will have another in the future but never wants to talk about it when I bring it up. Last night I got it out of him that he's pretty sure hell never want another, he did say who knows what he'll want in a few years or so but as I'm 32 that might be too late. I've said to him in the past that I'd deeply regret not having another and may end up resentful. He said that would be no way to live happily. I don't see any other way out for us. I'm trying not to be selfish but I think he is also being selfish.
Iveneverseen
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I don't think he is selfish for wanting to wait.
It isn't right to tell your husband to have another when he is not ready or you will divorse and take his child away from him.
It isn't right to tell your husband to have another when he is not ready or you will divorse and take his child away from him.
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Give it time, at least allow him the chance to come round to the idea of another. You need to work at this together, it's not fair of either of you to put the other in a position they're not happy with...one will always end up resentful. But give it a chance.
This is a complicated situation, especially since you already have a little one.
I just turned 32 and we are going to wait at least a year before we try for #1, so I really hope 32 + a few years is not too late to have children. My husband is also 7 years older meaning he will be over 40 when we have children. I am hoping for 2, but we have to see about #1 first.
I hope you and your husband are able to reach a compromise and stay together.
I just turned 32 and we are going to wait at least a year before we try for #1, so I really hope 32 + a few years is not too late to have children. My husband is also 7 years older meaning he will be over 40 when we have children. I am hoping for 2, but we have to see about #1 first.
I hope you and your husband are able to reach a compromise and stay together.
I think you should just give him time maybe he just want to wait and enjoy the one you got instead of rushing into another one,
everyone different when it comes to how long they want to wait for another
Hope you two can work it out
everyone different when it comes to how long they want to wait for another
Hope you two can work it out
Eleanor ace
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I would look into couples counselling, see if you guys can reach a solution with the help of someone who can guide you to talk about this issue without it turning into an ultimatum situation. Perhaps there are things which could be put into place to help your OH feel happier to have another LO- better financial security, your LO being a little older, a stronger marriage. If not and neither of you is willing to compromise and you do choose to separate then it would be good to ave help to keep things civil for your LO's sake
cherrylips100
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I think you should give him more time. Your daughter is at the probably most difficult age and it might seem overwhelming for him right now. Agree to discuss it again in a few months or a year and in the meantime enjoy your daughter, you still have plenty of time.
The thing is he's not saying he wants to wait, he's saying he doesn't think he'll ever want another one.
aidensxmomma
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Sorry for butting in here, but I figured I would share my two cents on the issue.
First and foremost, maybe give it some more time before you decide to separate over it. I know that a lot of men just need time to come around and feel ready for the decision to have a child (or a second child in your case).
Also, as another poster suggested, maybe seeing a counselor would be a good idea for the two of you. You can get another opinion or even just a trustworthy place for you both to get your feelings out without worrying about it turning into an argument. I would definitely suggest seeing a counselor before deciding to separate.
All that being said, I can see why you would consider leaving your husband over the issue of another child. If it's something you definitely want and you don't have another, there could be resentment on your part which could destroy your relationship. But it's going to take some soul searching from you to decide whether or not you can live your life without another child and whether or not you will harbor resent towards him if he refuses to have one.
So my biggest suggestion for this tough situation that you are in is to give it some time, do a lot of thinking, and go see a counselor to help you both work through it.
I understand what a tough situation you are in and am wishing you all the best.
First and foremost, maybe give it some more time before you decide to separate over it. I know that a lot of men just need time to come around and feel ready for the decision to have a child (or a second child in your case).
Also, as another poster suggested, maybe seeing a counselor would be a good idea for the two of you. You can get another opinion or even just a trustworthy place for you both to get your feelings out without worrying about it turning into an argument. I would definitely suggest seeing a counselor before deciding to separate.
All that being said, I can see why you would consider leaving your husband over the issue of another child. If it's something you definitely want and you don't have another, there could be resentment on your part which could destroy your relationship. But it's going to take some soul searching from you to decide whether or not you can live your life without another child and whether or not you will harbor resent towards him if he refuses to have one.
So my biggest suggestion for this tough situation that you are in is to give it some time, do a lot of thinking, and go see a counselor to help you both work through it.
I understand what a tough situation you are in and am wishing you all the best.
CandiceSj
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It's definitely a tough situation because you simply can't force a person to accept having another child. It's such a huge decision. It's lifelong and envolves a lot of sacrifices and effort to raise a child. So you knowing you want another, and knowing that there is no compromise to be made about the desire to not have children - it's like you've automatically "lost" this battle. And separating over it when you already have a young child... it also seems like something that you simply can't do. You're in a corner and you either accept that you can only have another if he changes his mind OR you accept what you'll cause for your child if you decided to split up to have your second child with someone else. This is a bit of a lose-lose situation.
BUT...
People change their minds. I did. My husband always knew he wanted more kids and I told him many times I thought I was a one-child person but then, when my daughter turned 3, a second child was suddenly "on the table". Now, my son is 3, and a 3rd child is "on the table" (haven't decided though). It took the change of age, and some improvement in our marraige around this time to be able to imagine another child and then want one really badly - and here we are!
I think that you could have EVERYTHING you want by waiting a little. 2 is still young to want to start over the baby phase. It's not a guarantee, but if it has a chance of happening it's worth it for everyone's sakes I think.
BUT...
People change their minds. I did. My husband always knew he wanted more kids and I told him many times I thought I was a one-child person but then, when my daughter turned 3, a second child was suddenly "on the table". Now, my son is 3, and a 3rd child is "on the table" (haven't decided though). It took the change of age, and some improvement in our marraige around this time to be able to imagine another child and then want one really badly - and here we are!
I think that you could have EVERYTHING you want by waiting a little. 2 is still young to want to start over the baby phase. It's not a guarantee, but if it has a chance of happening it's worth it for everyone's sakes I think.
Blob
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I could totally understand that, although I wouldn't split up with my husband (I don't think) I would find it very very hard to feel like a proper relationship when I resented his obvious refusal to try to talk about it.
I really would second the thought about counciling, sometimes it takes a stranger to get out what it is that is wrong. It could be just pure stubbornness or he could genuinely be worried about something or that he really doesn't want anymore. But it might be worthwhile.
Trying or wanting a baby is such a massively emotional time it's no wonder you feel like you do
I really would second the thought about counciling, sometimes it takes a stranger to get out what it is that is wrong. It could be just pure stubbornness or he could genuinely be worried about something or that he really doesn't want anymore. But it might be worthwhile.
Trying or wanting a baby is such a massively emotional time it's no wonder you feel like you do
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