Omg think I'm seperating with my husband over this

I think you need to give him more time,
my hubby said a few months ago that he was happy with just 2, I told him I've always wanted more then that, we left it at that, he now wouldn't mind another but wants to wait a year or 2. fair enough we are 26 and 25 but men broody clock kicks in a lot later then ours.
 
So if you split... How would you have your second child? Would you have another on your own with a donor? Or wait until you find the right person... Who might not want children!
 
So if you split... How would you have your second child? Would you have another on your own with a donor? Or wait until you find the right person... Who might not want children!

Those are some really good points.
 
I know how upsetting waiting can be, but I will give you my side as I'm similar to your husband. My OH is okay to try now, but I think two steps ahead and even though I want to, I know it isn't the right time. To say you are willing to break up your family is extreme and it will just be coming from desperation for another child, you probably do not actually mean it. Take a breath and remember he will let you know when he is ready. You can't give someone an ultimatum like that, it just isn't fair on either of you. Say he gives in to your demands and then you have another baby ... you will always think "does he want this baby" ... and he may grow to resent you for forcing his hand etc. Not to mention your marriage can't be very strong if you are willing to break up with him over this just so you can go get another guys sperm... maybe work on that BEFORE trying for another child. Furthermore think about what the split would do to your actual child that is here... and how he/she will feel when he/she finds out the reason you split was so you could have another child.. basically saying "you weren't good enough for me" ....
sorry to come off rude but I can't tell if you are trolling or serious.
 
I agree with Kiki.

Sorry op if it sounds harsh, But i am shocked that someone would leave the person they promised to spend their life with and one person they are supposed to love more than anything, and split up a family have your child without their daddy for such a reason. i think you really need to sort your head and priories out.

Plus if you husband wants to wait why can't you? it is very damaging what you would do ie either force your husband to have a baby or split up your family. i think you need to sort yourself out because this is not healthy for any of you.
 
Kiki1993 and Iveneverseen, I agree with what you both say, but FlipFlop tried to emphasize that her husband has now said that he will NEVER want another child.

FlipFlop as you also said, he may change his mind as who knows what he wants in a few years. Maybe he felt/feels very pressured to pick a date, so he said "never" that way the discussion would be over (at least in his opinion).

As others have said you need to talk, with or without a mediator/ counselor. Maybe you should both reflect why you are together. Correct me if I am wrong, but I doubt you and your husband married solely for the purpose of having children.
 
I personally couldn't break up my family and a marriage for that reason.
do you not talk about these things before marriage?

You will both need some help, i honestly can't get breaking up a family for that reason.
 
OP, you've mentioned that you have been talking about it for months, maybe now it's time to stop that talk for a while. I'm not the one in the situation, but personally if someone had come to me day and night with the exact same subject for months, especially one I'm not yet ready to discuss, surely I would get sick of hearing it as well and give a rash answer such as "Never."

I know how hard waiting can be, but I think for the sake of your family and your marriage, you may want to shift your focus elsewhere for a bit, give your DH a break from all the baby talk, and maybe revisit the idea in a few months.
 
OP, you've mentioned that you have been talking about it for months, maybe now it's time to stop that talk for a while. I'm not the one in the situation, but personally if someone had come to me day and night with the exact same subject for months, especially one I'm not yet ready to discuss, surely I would get sick of hearing it as well and give a rash answer such as "Never."

I know how hard waiting can be, but I think for the sake of your family and your marriage, you may want to shift your focus elsewhere for a bit, give your DH a break from all the baby talk, and maybe revisit the idea in a few months.

I would get sick of being asked the same thing too 24/7. Hopefully OP has thought it through and won't separate from her husband.
 
Thanks for all your posts. I think that night I just let my maternal feelings get the better of me. After having had time think it through I no longer want to split the family up over this.

It is however something that is extremely important to me and I have managed to get husband to agree that we will have another In future even if it's a few years away.

I know it sounded harsh that I thought I was willing to break up the family over it but it was also about whether I felt we were compatible anymore and I was beginning think we weren't. I want a family life whereas he wants more of a life of freedom to do what he wants whenever he wants. I think me and our son already suffer as a result.

But I think I'm ok now, there was one morning last week I burst into tears in the street on the way to work about the things I had said to him and the thought that I might never be having any more babies.

Also just to add that I hadnt actually thought that my son would be upset and think he wasn't good enough, that was an eye opener.
 
so glad to read that your not splitting over this and that you got him to agree to another even if it is a few years away
 
Thanks, I just hope he means it as he's said that before and then gone back on it, but that might just be (as someone said) because I was putting too much pressure on him.
 
I'm glad you've decided to stay with your husband.
 
Sorry you and hubby have had a rough time of it, glad to hear you had another talk, just keep the lines of communication open, no pressure and see what happens. Marriage can be difficult, pleasing two people all of the time takes hard work and we all go through our rough spots. Now you've talked and its possible you'll have another a few years down the line, why don't you concentrate on really building a great relationship with your husband. Use this time to enjoy each other again and it will probably help him want another one!!!

Wishing you loads of luck :)
 
You never know whats round the corner. :hugs: We always swore never to have any more but we have changed our minds this year with a maybe, we've planned to review it in a few years. Sometimes life has a funny way of working out.
 
Thanks everyone. I see now I've been laying the pressure on too strong and I had cornered him.

It's going to be hard not thinking about it anymore. I'm filled with a deep sadness at the moment. Just hope I can manage ok with the new long wait ahead.
 
I defo don't think putting pressure on him is the answer, ask yourself how would you feel if you didn't want or wasn't ready to have another baby and your husband was putting a lot of pressure on you and saying he was willing to leave you if you didn't give him what he wanted. how would you feel and what would you think?

I don't mean this to sound mean but if you are saying your husband keeps putting it off and wants his freedom and you and your son are suffering as a result why have another baby with him?
 
I see now that the pressure has been putting him off the idea even more.

He is my husband and we already haves child together. Sometimes he spends a bit too much time at the pub etc. Doesn't mean I don't want another child with him.


I defo don't think putting pressure on him is the answer, ask yourself how would you feel if you didn't want or wasn't ready to have another baby and your husband was putting a lot of pressure on you and saying he was willing to leave you if you didn't give him what he wanted. how would you feel and what would you think?

I don't mean this to sound mean but if you are saying your husband keeps putting it off and wants his freedom and you and your son are suffering as a result why have another baby with him?
 
I see now that the pressure has been putting him off the idea even more.

He is my husband and we already haves child together. Sometimes he spends a bit too much time at the pub etc. Doesn't mean I don't want another child with him.


But you are saying he doesn't want another (yet?)
and that he likes to do as he wishes and you and your child suffers because of this, I'm not sure why you would want another child with him if this is the case?! do you think having another will change that?
 

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