on the fence about having children

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by l00zrr, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. l00zrr

    l00zrr Member

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    hey everyone,

    first post and thread here. :] I joined because I wanted to ask all of you, why do you want kids? and are/were you on the fence at one point? How sure are you?

    When my husband and I first married we really wanted to have children someday. But as time has gone by we have become more and more unsure, to the point where I could actually live without ever having kids and be completely okay with that. I never thought I'd be that person, the person who chooses or wants a childfree life. I've tried to find information online about pros and cons, but I'd rather hear it from you guys.

    thanks

    -l00zrr
     
  2. mom2pne

    mom2pne Well-Known Member

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    Well, I know from my dh's cousin that she has a busy wonderful life and adding a child to it would alter her plans that she has set up for herself. She can come and go as she pleases, she loves to travel with her bf and she has no regrets about her decision . Her and her BF are in their mid- 40's.

    As for me. I have always wanted children. Yes, I get stressed from time to time, but I feel it is so worth it.

    If you feel that you do not want children there is nothing wrong with that at all. I wish you the best!
     
  3. Court28

    Court28 Well-Known Member

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    For me its just something I've always known I will do. I can't wait to have a baby to love and nuture and watch it grow up and know that me and my OH MADE that and feel so proud. Its just a part of me I guess!
     
  4. angiepie

    angiepie Well-Known Member

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    Yep, I've always known I'd have kids. Same with my OH. Cons I guess are being time poor and no solo time, but if you're organised that's a lot less of a problem. I'm biased thought, so I can only think of pros! Having someone to love and to be loved by them unconditionally. To watch a piece of you grow up in another body. And most importantly to me, to create something with my OH to show how much we love each other.
     
  5. rubydoo1

    rubydoo1 Well-Known Member

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    Ive always known I have wanted kids, there was never a moment when I suddenly realised its just something Ive always known I wanted to do :flower:
     
  6. nickibrum

    nickibrum Pregnant #1 - 3rd Tri

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    Ive always wanted children- even said that i would be a SAHM. But thats changed as I now have a job I love and wouldnt want to give up- plus I dont think we could afford to now to be honest. Were too set in our ways- e.g. how we spend our money.

    nothing wrong with not wanting children at all. Its all about priorities. That may change/compromise like mine have.

    I want to go back to work 3 days a week for the first 3-6 months after ML and then back to being full time. depends on child care really i guess. but I love my job now and i want to be able to spoil LO!
     
  7. Pearls18

    Pearls18 Well-Known Member

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    For me I've just always known, even as a teenager I didn't think 'ergh babies' or anything, I wanted to be a mum, I wanted to be pregnant, I wanted to love and neuture a child and I wanted a family life with a husband and 2/3 children, I thought about holidays, Christmas, school days, grandchildren- everything! So when I fell pregnant unexpectantly it was more an issue of inappropriate timing rather than eek do I want a child.

    Give it lots of thought but don't feel pressured by society if you don't want children!x
     
  8. Liesje

    Liesje Well-Known Member

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    I never disliked children, but never thought we would actually have any of our own just due to our lifestyle... then one day (while on birth control) I discovered I was pregnant LOL
    At first I felt really stupid and irresponsible and that I screwed up our relationship but over the past couple of months it's gotten a lot less scary and now it almost feels like it was meant to happen :)
     
  9. Mom2mmcjg

    Mom2mmcjg Mother of 5 boys 3 losses

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    I never saw the point of life without children. They are the next generation. I know some people are very happy without children, but for me I couldn't do it. I can't imagine having Christmases without children, being old without having grandchildren, my life ending without a legacy of children/grandchildren/great-grandchildren to carry on.
     
  10. Quackquack99

    Quackquack99 Well-Known Member

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    I come from a massive extended family so it was just the norm. In my eyes, I found the right man to start my family with. Its weird during my pregnancy I had some doubts whether I was ready to be a parent but now I am a parent, I knew that I was ready if that makes any sense.
     
  11. comotion89

    comotion89 Me,DH&bubba

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    I never wanted kids before but for the past year I have especially working in a nursing home talking to people who wish they had kids now because they're alone no family to look after them it's abit sad, not sayig have kids to look after u when your old lol but its a pro!! plus I need some mini mes running round in the future as I'm
    hooing that what they do will be of benefit for the world :D
     
  12. bornthiswayxo

    bornthiswayxo Well-Known Member

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    I want kids so bad - but not yet. The reason I want them is because I have felt this way since I was about 14... And after becoming pregnant, especially the last time when OH & I tried for the baby, it's hard to accept and come to terms with. I know now that one day I will become a mother to a successfully born baby who's happy and healthy. I feel I am a real family person, so I've always had the family idea in my head. It is something I want more than anything (aside from becoming the wife of my OH), but I am pacing myself and waiting for the ideal time to come about - or close enough lol!
     
  13. babyblog

    babyblog Well-Known Member

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    I have felt broody my entire life practically and felt it was the only thing i truly wanted to do in life, so i never had to think about it. I don't people can tell you the pro's and cons, just wait and see how you feel and if it changes x
     
  14. chickenchaser

    chickenchaser trying to hatch her egg!!

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    Hi Hun, Before we got married we planned to have children within a couple of years, as the time went by it never really seemed to be the right time and that never really bothered me. We happily spent our time together and never really felt the need for anything else. However as I got older (now 35) and my career/home/holidays etc all got ticked off I started to feel the need again. Now we are frantically trying to sort things out to we can TTC ASAP.

    How old are you hun?
    If you are still young leave it for a while, you don't have to rush, see how you feel in a couple of years time, and until then have some fun.
    Big Hugs to you.
     
  15. EmilyCJ

    EmilyCJ Well-Known Member

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    i too have always known i need to have children. i feel like a mum without a baby, as good as my life is i know that i'll never be totally complete until i'm a mother. all of it, the pregnancy, the baby, the child and the adult.

    having said this, as this is a forum for ladies waiting to try for their babies we are all going to be keen on the idea of children!! it is a very personal choice and if you and your partner dont feel the need for children then dont have them for the sake of it because people think you should. take your time it doesnt have to be an instant decision, just dont be scared to do what feels right for you.

    good luck and best wishes whatever you decide to do :flower:
     
  16. mamaphdtobe

    mamaphdtobe Member

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    Hi l00zrr, I completely understand where you are coming from. I spent most of my twenties on the fence and weighed the pros and cons until my head spun. I was really unsure, flipping back and forth from wanting to not wanting kids. At one point i was convinced i just didnt have apmaternal instinct and really wasnt a big fan of kids and babies Then about 6 months ago I was late, which was unusual since i was on the pill. When I tested negative I was really surprised at how disappointed I was - I even cried! Since then I've been sure I want kids.

    Why not try flipping a coin? It works not because it settles the question for you but because in the brief moment when the coin is in the air you suddenly know what you are hoping for.

    All the best!
     
  17. OliviaRae

    OliviaRae Well-Known Member

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    Yes I know exactly what you mean. When we first were married, we were to the point where we thought we would never have kids. Maybe because we married so young? (I was 18, DH was 21) I am an only child, and DH has 4 sisters and a brother. It wasn't until recently that I caught "baby fever" :haha: DH has come a long way too. When I first mentioned it to him, (3 months ago now) he was being more than difficult about it. At least lately he's been saying things like "when we have kids..." which is hopefully not too misleading! :blush:

    Anyway, we went from completely not wanting kids at all, to probably wanting kids and I'm fine with where we are now. We still have our days where I'm super broody and he's 'un-broody'? :shrug: lol but we still have a couple years to go so maybe by then we'll be desperate to have kids :happydance:

    Good luck!
     
  18. l00zrr

    l00zrr Member

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    MarineWAG & Mom2mmcjg - you're absolutely right about holidays. It is hard to imagine them without a child. But how do you know YOU'RE children will have children? Grandchildren may never happen. Are you ok with that?

    comotion89 - One of my worries would be having one of my offspring not benefiting the world, but in reality being a great disservice to the world. Does that worry you? Or are you confident enough in your parenting skills that you know you'll have (had) awesome kids? My parents did a good job, my husband's parents did a... so-so job (to be nice) and he turned out marvelously. But I know other kids who had a similar upbringing to his that did not turn out so well. My aunt and uncle's daughter had a very rough rebellious adolescence and she had a VERY similar upbringing to my own. It feels like there is no guarantee...

    chickenchaser - my husband and I are very young. We got married a little over two years ago. Currently I am barely 21, and he's younger than I. So maybe it is our age? We're just so young, it's hard enough just taking care of each other. One of the reasons we are talking about this now is because we wanted to be young parents (before 25).

    mamaphdtobe - Flipping a coin really depends on the day, haha. Some days I can see myself having babies, being a mom, and other days it's like my gawd I should get my tubes tied just in case this BC fails.

    OliviaRae - With my husband and I it's flipped. he's more keen on the idea than I am. But maybe I should be comfortable at where we are and then worry about it later...

    Thank you all for replying. I appreciate it greatly.

    -l00zrr
     
  19. goddess25

    goddess25 Well-Known Member

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    I never wanted children ever. I was very happy with my life, holidays and having money and doing whatever I wanted when I wanted with my husband.

    The inevitable happened I woke up one morning and my biological clock had started ticking... it was the oddest thing. Never believed that it actually happened for some women. I thought about it for a few months before talking to my husband about it as I was secretly hoping that the feeling and the overwhelming need would leave, it didn't.

    Its been a hard journey, I have 2 children a almost 3 year old and almost 1 year old and have had 2 losses which was very hard.

    I cannot imagine my life without my babies and I now feel that my life is utterly complete. I have never experienced the bond, the love and the absolute joy that I have with my children. I have lots of friends who have chosen not to have kids and its right for them, but I wish they could feel what I do and now I totally think they are missing out and I want to shout it from the rooftops. Even though I feel that this is my most rewarding and challenging role in life, I would change nothing but its very very hard work. The first time you look at that little face and fully realise that it is you that has to raise them with manners, ethics and turn them into a independent functioning member of society is quite something.

    Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you ;)
     
  20. ZubZub

    ZubZub Well-Known Member

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    Hey hun

    I think you are still very young and no ways should you be forcing a decision on yourselves now. Remember that, as wonderful as children are (I have two), they turn your life completely upside down. So enjoy life a bit, enjoy being with your man and doing stuff that you definitely won't be doing for a long while if & when you have kids. I was married for 5 years before we had our first (I was 28 when ds arrived) and that was a great decision. I don't feel resentment that my "partying days" were cut short, I'm more settled in who I am and more mature in the decisions I make. Don't rush it. A couple more years won't make a difference and you might feel more certain (not that I think you're ever properly ready!!)

    Good luck!
     

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