One and done?

[jinxii]

Anyone else out there planning on one and done? We had a hard time getting this one (15 years of trying) and I am not willing to go through it again. My husband is also quite a bit older than me at 45 and I think it's a little late to be planning to have more than one. What I hate is how everyone reacts to that. I've heard "your kid is going to be so spoiled", "It's cruel not to give them siblings", "why even have one?", and so many other mean things. And why do people always ask if you're going to have more when they find out you're pregnant??! Let me get done with this one first!! My mom was kind of snarky about me being one and done and I told her I wanted to enjoy my child and being a mom without the stress of having more than one to focus on. That shut her right up.. she had four and practically lost the plot because she couldn't handle it. Some women are great at having lots of kids... I know I wouldn't be one of them!

 

[laila 44]

Was supposed to be us! We are on number 3 lol... Don't ask...

 

[MrsWhite]

I am not in that boat, I am freshly pregnant with #3 (hopefully this one sticks), but I have to say you need to do what is best for your family. Kids get spoiled because of their parents, not because of lack of siblings. I know a few people who just have one child and actually I think they are able to give their kids more in time and resources because they only have one. And I really don't think their kids are spoiled, and I've never heard any of them say their kids complain about not having a sibling. There are people that will try to tell you that you are spoiling your baby by holding him/her too much so you may as well get used to stupid unsolicited advice! I admire you for making a decision about your family that is not necessarily mainstream but is best for you. It is frustrating to hear other people judge you, but they will judge you no matter what you do. Congrats and you just enjoy this baby and don't worry about those people!

 

[winterbabies3]

Working on 3 as well but I see your situation and would completely agree!! My son is only 2 when this one will be born and I agree I won't be able to enjoy him as much as I did with DS1 when he was 4 when ds2 was born. Even at 4yrs old there was still plenty of time I could have had with just him! You do what is best for you 2! What does dh think?

 

[jenmcn1]

I have respect for a decision like that, there's nothing wrong with having one child and being done!!
However what I will say is you might change your mind once baby is born. For me I wanted two kids max...well I'm now pregnant with baby #4 !
One kid at a time. That's how I've approached it at least.

 

[jinxii]

He is happy with whatever I want to do. He's the kind of guy that if I say I want something he will do his absolute best to get it for me.

I am amazed at the unsolicited comments you receive when pregnant! It's like all of a sudden you and your life are public property to be poked at by anyone who wishes to.

Everyone does tell me that I'll change my mind as well, but my husband will be about 64 when this one graduates high school. That's retirement age... we are running out of time!

 

[Scout]

I have one and I'm done. She's 2 and a half now and the only time I wish she had a sibling is when I want to get some things done around the house and she wants me to play with her. Though at 2 and a half it'd still be me as a sibling would probably either not be here yet or too young unless I got on it as soon as I had her! I am older too, so that was a big reason for not having another. Most of the time I'm glad I just have the one. I'm thinking of schools already and I really want her in private school and they are expensive. It's more feasible, for me anyway, with just one child. I think there are pros and cons, just like with most any big life changing decision, and doing what you feel is best for you and your family is always the right choice regardless of what anyone else says.

 

[Cmzae]

Honestly, I and my husband are planning for this to be our only child; we're both older, and we would prefer to be able to retire without a child in the house. Also, like you said, we want to be sure to be able to let our kid have the resources we want to be able to give them without stretching ourselves thin. I think it's a perfectly valid choice (saying that as a woman who initially wasn't sure about having any children!) to only have one, and naysayers can go jump in the creek.

 

[Laroawan]

Don't listen to the people pressuring you have to have more than one. Just do whatever is right for you and your family.

I'm an only child, my parents had me at 36 and 39. One and done worked just fine for them.

Maybe I was a bit spoiled in that I had a lot of great toys as a child but I don't think it went to my head as I was a pretty easy kid, well behaved, did well in school etc. I got my parents full attention when it came to things like homework assistance and exploring my interests. It also meant my parents could help me fully with the cost of University. I had a lot of good close friends as a child that I am friends with still today and they are my "siblings" so I never missed or wanted blood related siblings.

 

[jessmke]

We are planning on one and done! My hubby is also older, will be 42 by the time this baby is born, which has factored into our decision. We also like to travel a lot and it is much easier and more affordable to travel with just one child (we already have our first trip booked for when the baby is two months old!). It also means we can afford to help our child pay for university, and not be constantly worried about money or living paycheque to paycheque. I also get a lot of the negative comments about how it's "cruel" to a child to make them live without siblings, which I think is an unbelievably rude thing to say to someone - to accuse them of being a cruel mother before their child is even born. Everyone also tells me that once I have one I will want another one, but honestly I like my "me" time and I really think I will be content with just one child. We will see what happens in the future though!

 

[Qmama79]

I totally agree with your decision. Nobody has the right to tell you what to do. 15 years of TTC is straining! Having 1 child has many advantages as well. I always wanted two & done. Working on nr 2 now which is another boy. So people ask me all the time if I don't want to try again fr a girl. Euhm...NO!!! I have a friend with one & done and now she just says she's had a hysterectomy. No more questions & people realize it's rude to suggest.

 

[jinxii]

Everyone knows we both want a girl (but of course we are going to be incredibly happy with either!!) so they say things like if this one is a boy we'll be having another. Ridiculous... like I need a replacement kid if it isn't the gender I was hoping for?! I am more familiar with little girls, but I would adjust to a boy without any problem. We were at the toy store yesterday and my husband may be changing his mind about wanting a girl though.. he was having fun with all the boy toys

 

[Rei]

That's what my husband wants XD I want two, but who knows how i'll feel after this one. I had a horrible miscarriage with my first pregnancy, so this is my second pregnancy. If I lose this one as well I think I'll just want the one instead of going through multiple losses before I finally have a healthy baby.

 

[SaraVO]

I've already spoken to my doctor about a tubal after this baby. We aren't terribly old. 33 and 35. But I want to give him all the advantages that neither of our parents could give us as the older out of four. Neither of us had financial support through education or were given much in the way of time and attention due to younger more needier siblings. My brother and sister five and twelve years younger than me had so many more advantages. I don't begrudge them at all but I would rather have one child and do everything I can to educate and prepare him for the world than have two or three that have to fend for themselves. I've had miscarriages that also factor into consideration. I feel lucky that he is going to be healthy and I'm grateful but I feel so confident that being a family of three is the right decision for us. It's not something I discuss with people around me. Neither are our losses but we are a very private couple and our family have learned that some questions won't be answered.