One and Done?

[CloverMouse]

Anyone else considering having an only child? I thought I'd want at least two while I was growing up, but now I'm starting to think about the amount of time and attention I could give to my child if I just had the one. I would also like to be able to send my kid/kids to private school and pay for them to go to college so they don't graduate with a ton of debt.

I don't know what is making me feel this way (maybe because it was not easy to concieve lil'fathead) but I was wondering if I am alone?

Anyone else thinking about an only child?

 

[NuKe]

well obviously I don't feel the same but I know where you're coming from. You may feel differently down the line though! Never say never!

 

[lisab1986]

One was never an option for us, i have always wanted a big family and my oh's cousin being an only child she was spoilt rotten and handed everything on a plate and now in her 30's is still the same!

Were now having our third and after our scan yesterday and the excitement of having another member of the family we have decided that we will never say never to another..unless i turn 30 and we aint had another

 

[Vicky1982]

I did say this during my first pregnancy and after the birth of my little girl, however when she turned about 2 1/2 year, I felt I was ready for another and it would be good for little girl. So never say never. I also know people who have said they are only having one, but fall pregnant straight after baby and dont regret it

 

[jocie]

well, i am pregnant with #4 so i am obviously past that point, lol. i cant imagine any of them not being here.
its wonderful that you are thinking and planning ahead for you baby's future.

my sister has one son, and no desire to have more, but she is a great mom and he is a very happy little boy, not spoiled or entitled.
i think you and your OH will know the right number when you reach it, be that one...or five!
just dont do anything permanent for birth control until you know for SURE, beyond a doubt, 100%, that you are done. its much harder to undo that than get it done.

 

[CloverMouse]

I'm definately not thinking of doing anything permanent! LOL, I'm not THAT sure. I have just been surprised to feel this way. We waited a long time (I'm 27,he's 29 and we've been together 10 years) I guess I always figured I'd have a bunch of kids by now, and be done anyway, but starting later has made me wonder. I figure whatever God has planned will happen anyway, every plan I've ever made has not turned out the way I thought, and almost always for the better, so I guess we'll see!

 

[Joeyzgirl]

I think baby fever strikes again usually. I never wanted that loneliness for my daughter, and I think that only children have a completely difference relationship with their parents, it works for some, but we always wanted more than one and once DD turned 3, we were more than ready to try again.

 

[bumpycat]

I wonder sometimes if this is going to be an only child. Child care and housing are so expensive, and career breaks are particularly damaging in my field of work. It's also not been much fun being pregnant. I'm already 32 and I'm finding it physically more difficult than I expected, what would it be like at 35 or 36? (Not to knock any of you lovely ladies who are already older than me - everyone's different and I'm just not sure I could handle it again!)

Then I think, kids can share a room, we don't really need more than a 2 bedroom house for 2 kids, OH and I can always try to go part time for a while to cut the nursery costs, I don't have to go off more than 6 months for each baby, OH can take the other 6 months, we can save enough to get through those first tough years, 36 is NOT old ... If we want to make it work I bet we could.

We're not closing any doors yet, but it's certainly something OH and I have discussed. At the very least, I'll be getting an IUD after baby is born so that there's minimal worry about a surprise addition.

 

[stickylizard]

I am completely the opposite. Since I was about 14 I knew I wanted loads of kids. I wanted to settle down and while some seek a career and money, some seek travel etc, I wanted love and children. When I was pregnant with Ella and was sick well into third trimester I did think "maybe not RIGHT away" because it was horrible... Plus when I told people we wanted them close together they were like ooh you'll change your mind once this one is born and your hands are full! Did I? Nope. I mean it made me wanna try soon even more because of how long it took to conceive Ella - I thought as a woman is most fertile after having a baby, I'd take the opportunity in case I didn't get it again. Plus after Ella was born, no it wasn't easy but honestly I was waiting for it to get horrific like I'd been told it would! So here I am at 22 with no2 on the way.

I want 5. But I am starting younger, if I were 30 that's be a big rush to get them all done ya know? But if we can aim to be done by the time we reach 30 then we'll only be 50 when they're all grown up. I grew up with one sister and we are 7 years apart (she's older) and that wasn't the best gap because by the time I was mature enough for us to get along, she had moved out! So I think the both of us felt quite lonely despite having each other because we couldn't connect.

Aaaaand I'll shut up now! Each to their own, but when your LO is a bit older you may well miss having your tiny baby and want to add to your family! My old manager had a huge struggle, one tube and ovary, tried for ages to fall with her son, now almost 3, and she is pretty much now saying never again ever though at first she wanted lots! But then... He was the most difficult baby I can ever describe! xxx

 

[Noelle610]

I won't make a final decision right now, but I have thought about having only one child very seriously. You wouldn't believe the judgement people throw my way. There are so many misconceptions about only children. I know many happy, well-adjusted only children and many spoiled children with siblings. I think every child/parent is different. Do what's right for you!

 

[Blizzard]

One isn't an option for us. I have a brother and sister but I'm six years older than my sister and twelve years older than my brother. I only lived with my brother for a year when I was 16 and moved back in with my mum, and with my sister till she was two before I moved in with my gran. I may as well have been an only child and I was often quite lonely. Whereas my hubby and his brother have always been close.

Conversely I did go to a nice private school which may not have been an option if my dad had more than one child, so I see where you are coming from there . I guess you'll just have to wait and see!

 

[NewMummyTurne]

I feel like this!

Although I actually had an order;

If 1st a Girl then no others

Or
If 1st a boy Boy and then 2nd a Girl then no others

Or
Boy... Boy... Girl..then stop,

Or
boy... boy.. boy.. and stop.


I've been told I'm having a girl, and although it matches the list I don't feel like I want another on after her...

I love her dad so much and I love her so much already and the though of dividing my time/money between any more people I love feels impossible...well not impossible, but not to the 'standard' I want to be with them/teach them/love them at if that makes sense?

So I think this is it for me, but then I'm young and life changes so much, who knows...

 

[Sunshine12]

I think we will just have one but my reason is age rather than anything else. We are in a very good financial position and I would love to have more than one but I dont think I have enough time left to have any more. Quite sad really as I always wanted two. x

 

[orangeapple]

I have two sisters myself and I feel like I am denying my kids of something important if I don't also give them at least 2 siblings. Personally, I think having siblings is more important than the material stuff I can provide to one child. Yes - he will have karate, painting, hockey lessons - but that is different from playing with your brothers and sisters at home. And after they grew up, they will have each other to talk to ...

What's swaying my decision now is knowing how sick I get when I am pregnant ... don't know if I can go through it TWICE more!

https://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt10fcc1.aspx

 

[minimoo90]

I've said one, OH has other ideas. I'll see how I get on once bubs is born, and how the rest of the pregnancy treats me.

 

[socitycourty]

I am 99% sure we are one and done. We own a really small house, I want to be a SAHM and we won't be able to do that if we need to buy a bigger house and have the expense of more kids, etc.

Only children aren't always bratty or strange, spoiled, whatever people say. That is completely down to the parents.

Plus I have not done well with pregnancy. My extremely anxious personality just doesn't do well with it, although physically I have felt great nearly the entire time. Go figure!

 

[RedRose19]

altho i dont want one baby i always did want two babies close in ages like have one and try right away.. but pregnancy has changed my thought.. so i can empathise with how pregnancy changes your thought on these sort of things, i know just want this baby and wait 1-2 years before we try.. (altho my oh seems to be very broody and wants to try right away when baby is here

 

[Mosnippy]

I know I will diff be having only one, well with my OH anyway haha its #1 for me but #5 for him, so he doesnt want anymore after this little one, which is fine, cause not sure i want to go through this again haha

 

[stellargaze]

I used to think 2, but pregnancy has changed my mind. My current plan is to cherish this one, and then adopt a second one when this little girl gets into primary school. I don't think my body could handle another pregnancy. Everyone tells me I'll change my mind, which is why I want to make sure I don't forget how hard this is!

 

[okmomma]

We always said 2 (3 years apart), even though both of us are not close with our other sibling. Our son was born almost 9 years ago. There was no way I could have handled taking care of more than one child. He was always on the go, way more than most kids his age. I was content with only having one. Now I am almsot 37 and pg with #2. As our son got older I started to feel our family wasn't complete so we tried for #2. This is our last. We will be taking permanent measures after the birth. I think sometimes you just don't know ahead of time.