Only two options: "Single" or "Legally Married" (Social Criticism)

[Heather212]

I've been noticing this since I registered for my prenatal visits. I guess it's not a huge deal. I never really commented on it until this week when I saw my latest chart, but I do remember thinking that there ought to be a third option for those of us who DO have a partner but are cohabiting or in an otherwise long term relationship.

I don't really consider myself "single" and I doubt most ladies here in serious relationships or who are living with their partners think of themselves that way!

Certainly, I don't judge anyone who is actually single and having a baby on their own (I was considering a sperm bank/friend donor before I met my current partner!). I believe that single women (and men) should have the right to reproduce if they so choose and have the means to raise a child.

However, I don't believe it would be accurate for me to describe myself as a "single woman" right now!

"Single" to me means WITHOUT A PARTNER.

And I believe that's the definition that most people use nowadays. Go on any networking or dating website and you will see the word "single" being used as a synonym to "romantically available/unattached"

"Sign up and meet other singles!" is usually the standard greeting on matchmaking sites.

Are we supposed to believe that the above message is intended for us ladies who are cohabiting or otherwise partnered? Not at all, because it's not for us. It's for ACTUAL singles lol.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I feel as though giving us only two options in the form of "single" vs "legally married" is a little bit arbitrary and socially retrograde.

I was raised in the Catholic faith so I respect the religious point of view (cohabitation is not really accepted or encouraged), but I am now an agnostic and so is my partner. So I don't believe that the whole world should be held to religiously based definitions of what constitutes a partnership.

I feel the Single/Legally Married dichotomy is as obsolete as some of those laws against oral sex

Is anyone else bothered by this?

 

[aidensxmomma]

I'm a little bothered by it, too. Especially since I put down single on my paperwork for my OB and they automatically assumed that I wasn't with the baby's father. It's a little irritating for me because I'm young and have two kids already and just by looking at my paperwork everyone assumes they all have no dad or they all have different dads. I've been filling out a bunch of apartment applications, too, and I have to fill them out in my OH's name so that there's no misunderstanding about the kids and that he's their dad (since they have my last name).

It would definitely be nice if they added in another option for those of us who are cohabiting/in a relationship. I always feel like a liar when I fill out paperwork.

 

[Heather212]

Hi Aidenxmomma

Aww yeah the same happens to me. Everyone keeps assuming I'm not seeing anyone because my chart says "single." They give you just these two frigging options, then they get confused themselves because they assume you're all alone or even that you don't know who the father of the baby is

It really wouldn't be hard to produce a form with an LTR/Cohabiting option, especially when it's SOOOOO prevalent nowadays. I mean as many as half the couples I know are cohabiting

 

[aley28]

It was frustrating to me, too, back before I got married. I see it from the legal side... if you're cohabiting, the government still sees you as single and you fill out your taxes separately. But even so... I felt like a liar marking 'single' on paperwork when I was very much unavailable on the dating market!

It was actually a relief to get married, because now I don't feel like I'm lying to anybody. Married or single? Well, some days I wish I was single, but check! I'm married.

 

[OctBebe]

I get mad at that too because im not single! Why dont they have more options.

 

[fides]

maybe they're only interested in legal status?

i know what you mean, though - i always considered "single" just to mean someone who hasn't been married or isn't married yet, so after i was divorced, it felt weird to mark single again, but that was just my pride, i guess, lol... sometimes simplicity is best, even when i don't like it!

 

[kiki04]

Here we have an option called common-law. Not married but cohabitating past 1 yr of duration.

 

[Heather212]

maybe they're only interested in legal status?

i know what you mean, though - i always considered "single" just to mean someone who hasn't been married or isn't married yet, so after i was divorced, it felt weird to mark single again, but that was just my pride, i guess, lol... sometimes simplicity is best, even when i don't like it!

Hehe I know. I wouldn't really consider someone divorced to be "single." When I hear of someone being single I tend to imagine "never married" in addition to lacking a current partner.

I had that conversation with my mom once because she's Eastern European and when her and my dad separated, someone in the United States mentioned something about her being a "single mom" (I was in my teens then).

Well, it offended her (she's way more conservative than I am and also quite religious) because in Eastern Europe "single mother" means that you were single when you had the child. My mom says it also has connotations of not knowing the father well (e.g. she wouldn't use it to describe a woman who's cohabitating because it's not like she was unattached when she had the child).

But I know people weren't trying to offend her. I realize that here in the U.S. single mom can mean anyone who is raising a child on her own, even if she just happened to get divorced.

Here we have an option called common-law. Not married but cohabitating past 1 yr of duration.

I guess that's a bit better I think there should be the option of "ïn a relationship/partnered" as well but that's definitely a step in the right direction.

 

[traceyann1980]

on forms in the UK we have a few options to tick...

single
married
divorced
widowed
civil partnership
co-habiting

I assumed US would be the same??

 

[sam1984]

it is very dated.
is it something to do with next of kin rights if something were to happen to you?

 

[3boys]

its defo not fair but it is probably just the legal side of things because when you are married you have to give the date of marriage so im not sure but i think it has something to do with registering the baby so your records match. Well thats my understanding anyway. But definitely not fair.

 

[Ol1vertwist]

I think times are changing as a few times recently when filling out on line forms the options have been:

Married/Living with Partner/Common Law partners/Civil partners
Single

And that really makes my day as it puts me in the same category as Married people.