OT - I need your advice girls

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Lara310809, Dec 24, 2009.

  1. Lara310809

    Lara310809 Mum of 3 girls

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    My husband works with my SIL, and he heard from her that my brother doesn't want to go to my dad for Christmas this year.

    He was a bit of a troublemaker in his youth, and my dad/stepmum constantly remind him of this by teasing him about what happened in the past (crime etc) and poor grades in school. They do this with elements of my past too, and although I don't like it, I know that that's how they deal with the past; they insist that you should be able to look back and laugh at yourself.

    But in my brother's case they don't focus on any of his achievements and it wears him down. Last time we went round there for Sunday lunch, he walked out in a stress, and he hasn't been back since. Now obviously he thinks it's going to be the same, and it probably is, because that's just what they do.

    My hubby told me that my brother said if they go on about his past again, he's going to walk out on Christmas day and never see my dad/stepmum again :shock:

    This is the first I've heard about it, and I'm not even supposed to know. My mum brought us up to never let a family bust-up happen, and with this baby, I'm moving abroad in February. I'm so worried that once I go, my family will fall apart, and I will be 2000 miles away and unable to do anything about it :cry:

    But if I'm not supposed to know, then what am I supposed to do? I don't think a quiet word with my dad/stepmum will work, because they don't seem to understand people who don't have a sense of humour, and once my brother's made his mind up, he's sticking to it. I can talk to my mum, but she will start to worry and she can't do much either.

    It's just that my brother has never told my dad/stepmum how it effects him, so how do they know how serious the situation is? I knew it bothered him, but not to this extent. If he doesn't talk to them, then it's hardly fair to just give up on them.

    Trouble is, there was so much chaos in the past between my dad and brother, that my dad already feels like a failure (even though he's an incredible father, he just doesn't know how to express himself), and my brother thinks our dad doesn't love him (but I know he does, so much). It would ruin my dad to have his son walk out of his life, especially if there was no discussion about it.

    Please, any advice would be amazing. I'm just in tears all the time, when only 2 days ago everything in my life was going really well :cry:
     
  2. maybebaby3

    maybebaby3 Proud mum of 4!

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    maybe it's all just hot air. i can imagine that he is fed up of being made to feel bad about the past. i would talk to your dad and step mum really serously. maybe they will realise how awful they are making him feel. i am sure that is not their intention. they should realise that not every1 has the same sense of humour and what they think is a joke is not a joke 2 some1 else. i hope u have a lovely and peaceful christmas :hugs:
     
  3. Lara310809

    Lara310809 Mum of 3 girls

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    Thanks for your advice. Unfortunately I've never known my brother to say something like that and not go through with it. He often acts without taking other people into consideration, and he doesn't have a lot of patience, so I kinda think he will walk out.
     
  4. maybebaby3

    maybebaby3 Proud mum of 4!

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    oh dear cant u. i really think your dad/step mum should know he feels so strongly abt this. maybe they just dont realise?
     
  5. Lara310809

    Lara310809 Mum of 3 girls

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    I hope so. I will either talk to them about it tonight (my husband and I are staying over tonight and my brother and SIL are following tomorrow), or I will politely urge them to stop if I see it happening again.
     

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