OT - Infuriated by Ex!!!!!

carlyjade86

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My sons father is a complete jerk. He always has been and always will be. We do not get on in the slightest after years of him lying to the courts about me not allowing him contact with my son when he was havin contact all along! It's as though he just used the Family Court as a way to try and hurt/annoy/control?? I dunno... And expensive way to get my attention but that's what he did until the courts wised up to it last yr and told him to grow up!

Everything with him is for show! He has my son every other weekend and by "has" I mean picks up and drops to his mothers on a Friday. Sisters on a Saturday and brings him home on a Sunday.
He gives me £28 a week which covers Elliot's petrol too and from school.
I used to send him up in his nice clothes and trainers and they used to come back purposely ruined... As if becoz he had new trainers on, my ex would take him puddle jumpin! Now i send Elliot up with clothes that are tidy, but not tidy enough that he would wear them when with me. And he wears his "out playing trainers". At one point my ex said to Elliot "it's about time ur mum bought u new trainers" and Elliot told him straight "i got 4 pairs of new trainers I'm not allowed to wear to urs" - he even sent him to a christening in those scruffy trainers - is it really that hard to go an buy him some nice ones to keep at his house, even if they are just £6 dappers from asda?!?

Bit of background to what hes like but... Anyways... In our order it states that I am to allow my EX to take my son abroad for one week during the summer holidays and hand over his passport etc... Not happy about it but I accepted Elliot is growin up and I have to deal with that.
His girlfriend, who I do get on with fine, called me on Wednesday and said they've booked a caravan holiday in March half term and can elliot go. It's not in the "summer" as the order stipulats but it's during a break in school so I'm fine with it. She then goes on to say that they are lookin to book Turkey for the beginning of May and could Elliot go. I said his school doesn't allow children to be taken out during term time unless a valid reason but i would spk to them when he goes back and think about it in the mean time.

I explained to Elliot about this possible turkey holiday. Told him I'd rather he didn't go on that one and that we will take him away in the summer so he isn't missing out. His reply "that's ok mum. I'd rather go with u anyway"

I had a txt off the Ex this morning to say His GF was going to book today. Elliot was cryin last night because he wants to go and I won't let him... He pure slated me for being selfish and spoiling it for him by not letting him go!

So I phoned my mum to spk to Elliot (he wanted to sleep there after tea with his 'dad') and my mam said Elliot had come back and mentioned it. He said it would be nice to go but he don't care if he don't. He's rather stay home with me and that my ex made him watch a video on the computer of the hotel an the holiday which, Elliot stated "he only did it to make me want to go more but I don't care. I want to do what my mum wants. And she said I can go to the caravan and I like caravans more"

His constant game playing winds me up so much!! If my 8yr old is starting to see thru his actions, then surely that comes to something?! Elliot already told him i didn't want him to go yet he had to try and make Elliot feel worse about it and make me out to be the baddie?! Maybe if for the other 51 weeks of the yr he stepped up and showed he can provide an look after him maybe I would be more comfortable with him going but he can't and never has done that!
Lucky for me Elliot is MY boy and will not have anyone say anything bad about me, not even my mum, but the fact he still tries to poison my son against me makes me want to punch him in the face!!!

Elliot will never miss out of be begrudged of anything so long as I live. How dare he call ME selfish while all MY money goes on feeding, clothing, entertaining and loving Elliot and all he spares is £28 a week! He works in London mind so pretty sure he's earning more than minimum wage...

Sorry about the long rant... I'm just so sick of him tryin to look like number 1 dad and totally messing with my sons head!!
 
Sorry your son has to put up with that jerk, but it sounds like you have done a very good job of raising him and he has his head screwed on,
It's a shame courts and the right people don't see what he's actually up to in terms of making you look like the baddie and using him as leverage. It's a shame your ex can't be as grown up as his own son and do things to actually help him and make him feel special when he's with him,
I'm just glad he's got a brilliant mum like you that can provide the care he needs as it sounds like he'd get no where with his dad as his main career.
So well done you for all of your hard work you deserve a pat on the back for raising him as you do with still incorporating the excuse for a man as his 'dad' xx
 
What a complete arsehole!!

U shud be so proud for bringing up such a bright young boy xxxx
 
Argh men like this anger me so bloody much! I have all this to come with my ex fiance. He left me when I'd found out I was pregnant. Why don't you go to CSA? I'm pretty sure they'd look into his wages and you'd get closer to what you should x
 
Thanks girls... it's just so hard to find that balance. I want Elliot to make his own mind up about his 'father' which does seem to be happening, slowly. And some people say "u should be grateful he wants to be involved" but he's involved for the wrong reason! On the surface it might look like hes bothered about Elliot but if u scratch away at it, it's clear it's all bullshit. Wen I introduced Elliot to my OH wen he was 5, a few weeks later we took him to a party togetha, and of course all Elliot's friends who had never seen him with a man asked if Tom was his dad. The next day Elliot asked y his friends asked him that. I said "I suppose it's becoz he's a bit like a dad. And Elliot said "he's not like my dad! He's better than my dad!!" and to be fair, the pair of them are thick as thieves. My OH taught him to swim, ride his 2 wheeler, fish, play football... All the things a 'dad' is supposed to do...

I tried the CSA when elliot was a baby and they used to hold the money for 6mths at a time - they were hopeless! And now they are disbanding and for a report I watched, they are going to start charging the mother for use of the service. He can stick his money anyways. Elliot does alright out of me and my OH. He can stick his money where the sun don't shine

I've just spoke to Elliot and he's fine. He said the pictures and video look lush but he's ok that he can't go... And he's just said its for 13sleeps! I wasn't told that by the dickhead!
 
We've got a similar situation but my OH is one of the decent dads who unfortunately gets everything thrown back in his face. OH dd will come over telling us her mums booking a holiday to Cyprus/Disney land and then when we've asked for the dates it turns out that they're not even going away. It's so unfair on the children. By the sounds
Of it though your son already knows what his dads like and one day it'll be his dad who ends up worse off :hugs:
 
What a nasty piece of work :nope: xxx
 
See that riles me! It's spiteful women like that who make it look like I'm the one who lies as "all women use their children as weapons" so annoying. I can't stand the thought of my baby being so far away without me too... Which is a pretty selfish reason I suppose, but he wont miss out as he'll get a week with his father at the caravan, and we'll take him away for a week in the sun too.
God his head games r working on me never mind Elliot! He didn't text back after I said Elliot couldn't go so to me that says he didn't really want him to go anyways, or he'd at Least try to argue his case?
 
See that riles me! It's spiteful women like that who make it look like I'm the one who lies as "all women use their children as weapons" so annoying. I can't stand the thought of my baby being so far away without me too... Which is a pretty selfish reason I suppose, but he wont miss out as he'll get a week with his father at the caravan, and we'll take him away for a week in the sun too.
God his head games r working on me never mind Elliot! He didn't text back after I said Elliot couldn't go so to me that says he didn't really want him to go anyways, or he'd at Least try to argue his case?

No I don't think all women use their kids, I believe it can be largely dads who do that. It's just such a shame. She comes to us saying 'I couldnt do such and such cause you won't pick me up' -when we have no idea about what she's telling us cause her mum doesn't inform us! Unfortunately it's got to the stage now where OH has pretty much given in cause it's not fair that his dd is missing
Out/being told untrue things etc. kids wise up really quick though cx
 
I don't believe that either but that is the general opinion when you are going through family court. "she's bitter that they aren't together so is using the kid against him" - that has never been the case for me. I left him becoz I knew I would have a dogs life with him if I stayed!
It is spiteful telling a kid something and going back on it... I try my best to always be as honest as I can with Elliot and put my point across to him in a non biased way. This yr they booked a week in the caravan during the week of my birthday which my ex knows i always book off work that week to do something with Elliot myself and my OH booked it off so I had to explain to Elliot why he couldn't go to that. And they've booked a week away during the week of my EDD! Now Elliot said himself he doesn't want to go to that one... Can't help but think he's going out of his way to make me look a monster!
 
I just dont understand the point of it. Oh has tried mediation and she's refused to attend. He cant afford to take her to court and she knows it. Best thing is, we also have her first born an a weekend and she isn't even OH daughter! Yet she still takes the mick :( I feel really awful for you and my OH, it's just completely uneccessary cx
 
I don't know how my ex afforded it to be honest... There must be a way as I'm sure it was about £150 a time based on what he tried to claim back off me after on time when I never recieved the date from the courts. I didn't have to pay it in the end, but to think if he spent that money on his kid rather than for pointless court dates... I make sure i keep a diary of every contact he has with Elliot. Every txt message, phone call so when we did go back, I had it all documented and was able to call his lies out.

My sister is going through the same thing now with her ex, and my OHs friends ex GF is refusing to let him see his baby and not showing up at mediation.
Such a shame that its only the children that suffers and not everyone can see that... People r too busy 'scoring points' on a game that they are normally playin with themselves!
 

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