OT-Relationship advice please!

[PAgal]

(un-baby-related) I hate to lay my personal problems out here like a big whiner, but I would truly like your thoughts here...

OH and I were so madly in love when we met, he was the one I had been searching for for soooo long (we didn't meet until 35yo). And he just adored me But it all changed after 6 months! I love him to death but just don't understand it, how he could just turn it off so soon. We have been together over 2 years, this started way before baby, so that's not an excuse. And I look great, even better than I did before baby. And I can honestly say I haven't changed, so it's not me. Is this normal for men?? I visited a friend of mine today whose husband still adores her and does soooo much for her that I am just so depressed about it all. It's so frustrating knowing that we could be so good together but instead I feel like furniture to him, very underappreciated. He used to be so attentive and affectionate and verbally appreciative! Yes, I have talked to him about it before but he says he feels the same as he did--but he obviously doesn't! He really is a good guy, and we get along, there just is NO spark from him anymore.

Can anyone relate? Or offer any advice on how I can really get him to see this? I don't want to give up on us but I cannot live life feeling so sad forever, it's like I am in mourning every day for the way he used to be with me--and it was so shortlived! It's not like we have been together forever, it was only 6 months!! (we are not married btw)

 

[Braven05]

I wish I had some advice for you...but I'm useless there...just wanted to send you some I'm sorry you're so sad. Talking honestly is really the first step, but you said you've already talked to him...he needs to tell you what he wants though...you can't go on feeling like this.

 

[Sarah24]

I can totally relate. Me and OH are still very close but I feel more like a business partner than the love of his life anymore. Ive tried talking to him too but get a similar answer to you.

If you can, take it into your own hands. I've insisted on a night out every month without LO - anything that reminds him of what things were like before. Don't give up : ) xxx

 

[Geek]

*Hugs*
Maybe he does still feel the same way about you and it's just the relationship that's changed. Maybe before it seemed like you were dating (I know you were just can't think of another way to put it) and things were still 'new' and exciting so he made more of an effort? Maybe now you're settled down he doesn't feel the need to try and make everything special.
I hope that made sense, I think this is kind of how things are with me and my OH. I know he still loves me and feels the same way about me as he always did but now were living together and have got LO we don't have much chance to go out etc. Wheras before we were always going out, going for meals, days out etc.

 

[vintage67]

Some couples seem to stay in a "dating" kind of relationship forever, but I think this is rare. I think you are just experiencing the comfortable normalcy that many relationships fall into over time.

The problem is that your idea of comfortable isn't the same as his.

Many couples become "buddies" that have sex sometimes, and both are happy with it.

All you can do is talk to him about it, which you've said you've done.

Have you considered doing some "romantic type" gestures his way in order to
"teach" him the kind of stuff you'd like reciprocated? Hide a love note for him or surprise him with a gift or something?

In my experience, the whole poetry reading by the fire and flowers burns out quickly, but comfortable in PJ's on the couch lasts and lasts! But to each his own, of course!

 

[PAgal]

yea as always I guess communication is the key. He was just sooooo into me before that I am having a tough time accepting such a drastic change so soon. I guess I just loved being his "dream girl" I do a lot of sweet things for him, set up date nights for us, etc., but maybe he is just too "comfy" the way it is.

 

[Sarah24]

Maybe he's finding it hard enough adjusting to the role of daddy as well as trying to keep up with the romance. My OH didn't even realise he was being distant, he was struggling with the fact that his life changed so suddenly. Give it time hun x

 

[vintage67]

Also, beware the "grass is always greener syndrome!" I noticed one of my facebook friend's husband was always posting notes of adoration on his wifes facebook page and they've been together a very long time. I mentioned this to her and she said "Don't be impressed! He only posts that stuff when he's really something up!" (he has a drinking problem)