Our mums looking after LO

[Lisa1302]

I am hoping someone can help, I need ideas to get around this but no idea how to start!

Basically I went back to work and my mum was having Izzy Mondays, my MIL on Thursdays and the nursery on Fridays.

My MIL and nursery stick to her routine, and she goes to bed has her milk at the same time and sleeps perfectly that night!

My mum just can not see the importance of her routine. Two weeks ago she messed it all up, she didn't get her lunch at 3pm...she had it at 5pm. She was then all messed up and ended up waking for milk at midnight. (this is a baby who sleeps 8-8 no problem)

We ended up rowing because my mum says I am wrong to want to know when she napped, when she ate, how much she ate - and I am wrong to expect the routine to be kept.
In her words, I must 'trust her to do her best as I see fit''...and that she is going to refuse to tell me when and what she has eaten if she has her again.

So Izzy hasn't been there for 2 weeks, and my mum has ignored me. So yesterday I ask her in a message to go for lunch and she ignores me, so I ask why and she says to go round there today at 4. SO I did...I tried to say lets just forget that and move forward sticking to the routine.
She says she can only do her best and that of that isnt fitting in the routine then tough and maybe I shouldn't take Izzy there until she is no longer in a routine!

Argghhh I don't want to upset her, but i cant seem to get her to understand why its important. She seems to think (even though I have said its not many times) that I am questioning her efforts to care for Izzy..as in I do not trust her to look after her..I do, but that doesnt mean I can just allow her to be fed and napped willy nilly.

Has anyone had this problem with their mum/MIL? Did you get around it? I just cant get my head around allowing her to do as she pleases (as she said 'if I need to go shopping and she needs her breakfast then that's tough..arrghhhh my baby should be the priority over everything!)

 

[Boony]

sorry i cant help my mum and MIL always ask what my son has/does and when and they do try to stick to it as best they can. However my son always has been a very easy child and so even if hes not had his routine that day he still sleeps really well so when my mum/MIL havent managed to stick to the routine i havent minded so much.

If your mum isnt prepared to compromise maybe you should consider having her in nursery for that day? Even a childminder?

sorry i cant be more help hope you manage to sort something out

 

[Kayleigh09]

Hmm, sounds like an extremely common problem. I dont think you can get around it without hurting her feelings or having to lay down the law. I think this is also a respect problem, she isnt respecting that you are an adult and this is your baby and you want her looked after a certain way.

My mum has lets just say a dirty house, its below most normal person's standards! She kept asking to look after summer and would get really stroppy if i told her of anyone else watching her for a few hours. I was trying to avoid the house keeping lecture seeing as i dont live there and it doesnt bother me until it involves my daughter being there. So, i eventually had to bite the bullet and say no, this is why. She (predictably) got on her high horse and acted all hurt and upset like i'd said something totally out of line. I'm talking about non hoovered (for months!) carpets, cat poo (from months ago) stained flooring and food thats been there for months on the floor, this is possibly a house you would find in ''how clean is your house''. Ok, maybe a little less worse than that programme but you get the jist. So now she's stroppy and continually tells my daughter that i dont let her see her. Needless to say i see yet another agruement brewing on the horizon.... lol

This is always going to happen to be honest with you unless you have quite a laid back and understanding mother. Which it looks like we dont, she seems to be extremely stubborn aswell, i would try and skirt around it just one more time and if she still wont listen then bring out the big guns and no more ''miss nice girl'' lol. Something needs to be said about it as your baby is going to suffer in the long run with a routine being disrupted! Also, you could say to her that is isnt her who has to get out of her nice warm cosy bed at midnight when she's underfed her during the day!

Ok, essay done lol. Hope this helps hun xx

 

[kiki]

Hmmm, this is a tricky one I think. On one hand, yes, a baby has a routine, but dont YOU break it sometimes???
This is MY personal opinion, I am not saying you are wrong or anything like that, but, for me, if I am asking my mum to look after Caidan, then as long as she doesnt do anything stupid and obviously wrong, then I am happy for her to do as she sees fit with him. I dont believe for one minute that one day a week out of their routine is going to make much difference and I think it is a bit of a cheek expecting my mum to look after him under strict rules. After all, she is doing me the favour, not the other way round.

Like I say, that's my feeling on it, doesn't make it right or wrong!

xxx

 

[faille]

It's always difficult when someone who has completely different parenting views looks after your LO.

I know my mum is completely of the approach that a baby has to fit around me and not the other way around, so if she was about to go shopping and it just so happened to be when LO usually has her breakie then I think she'd probably still go.

I on the other hand would make sure she's happy and fed first because it's so much easier doing things with a content baby then a hungry baby.

I think the only way to get around something like this is for both of you to compromise. You don't need to know the full details of what/how much she's eaten or slept (to make your mum think you're questioning/doubting her) and as long as your mum isn't letting LO get overtired or go hungry then I agree with the above poster who said that one day a week where the routine isn't 100% perfect isn't going to hurt.

But that's just my opinion too, doesn't mean it's right for you

 

[Kayleigh09]

Hmmm, this is a tricky one I think. On one hand, yes, a baby has a routine, but dont YOU break it sometimes???
This is MY personal opinion, I am not saying you are wrong or anything like that, but, for me, if I am asking my mum to look after Caidan, then as long as she doesnt do anything stupid and obviously wrong, then I am happy for her to do as she sees fit with him. I dont believe for one minute that one day a week out of their routine is going to make much difference and I think it is a bit of a cheek expecting my mum to look after him under strict rules. After all, she is doing me the favour, not the other way round.

Like I say, that's my feeling on it, doesn't make it right or wrong!

xxx

I see what you're saying hun but the routine is like this so the baby sleeps through the night no problems, when the op's mother looks after her she wakes in the night. That isnt really nice for the op and its not fair for her mother to completely disregard it and it would be fair for the op to stop her looking after her daughter if she cant atleast stick to a routine which is there for good reason.

If there wasnt much of a big reason for a strict routine then fair enough but there is a good reason in this case and i think its fair to ask someone to stick to it. Just my opinion

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Personally I think your mum is being unreasonable, sounds like she is trying to have the control instead of letting you dictate how your own daughter is looked after. My mum wouldn't dream of disregarding Ruby's routine if she had her for a day, we don't have much of a routine really but what we do have, does need to be followed. When you're working, LO not sleeping through is hardly ideal and your mum should not be looking after LO in a manner which causes her to wake in the night. When a routine works, it is in EVERYONE'S interest that it is maintained and your mum needs to realise this!

 

[DolceBella]

I agree with Mum2b_Claire!

 

[Rachel_C]

Have you explained to your mum that the person who suffers most when the routine isn't kept is your daughter? It isn't nice for you having to wake up in the night but I bet it makes Izzy feel worse!

I can understand why your mum wouldn't be keen on telling you all the times of everything she did etc, BUT she should be willing to at least try. Okay so everybody has days when things don't go to plan, but I think it's important to make the effort. If your mum can't commit to making it work at least most of the time, I don't think I'd be leaving my daughter with her as clearly she has more important things to do. Sorry, I didn't mean that to sound harsh, I just mean that she should be making Izzy her priority, or at least I would want her to anyway.

 

[tinkerbellita]

Hmm, sounds like an extremely common problem. I dont think you can get around it without hurting her feelings or having to lay down the law. I think this is also a respect problem, she isnt respecting that you are an adult and this is your baby and you want her looked after a certain way.

My mum has lets just say a dirty house, its below most normal person's standards! She kept asking to look after summer and would get really stroppy if i told her of anyone else watching her for a few hours. I was trying to avoid the house keeping lecture seeing as i dont live there and it doesnt bother me until it involves my daughter being there. So, i eventually had to bite the bullet and say no, this is why. She (predictably) got on her high horse and acted all hurt and upset like i'd said something totally out of line. I'm talking about non hoovered (for months!) carpets, cat poo (from months ago) stained flooring and food thats been there for months on the floor, this is possibly a house you would find in ''how clean is your house''. Ok, maybe a little less worse than that programme but you get the jist. So now she's stroppy and continually tells my daughter that i dont let her see her. Needless to say i see yet another agruement brewing on the horizon.... lol

This is always going to happen to be honest with you unless you have quite a laid back and understanding mother. Which it looks like we dont, she seems to be extremely stubborn aswell, i would try and skirt around it just one more time and if she still wont listen then bring out the big guns and no more ''miss nice girl'' lol. Something needs to be said about it as your baby is going to suffer in the long run with a routine being disrupted! Also, you could say to her that is isnt her who has to get out of her nice warm cosy bed at midnight when she's underfed her during the day!

Ok, essay done lol. Hope this helps hun xx

I think we have the same mother. Mine's an alcoholic also...