Our new reality, male factor our options and adoption?

[Jsjskanamks]

I’m not even sure where to post this, but I thought here would be best.
Two days ago my fiancé and I got the devastating news that he may not produce sperm meaning we will never be able to conceive her own child. The past two days have been filled with crying and screaming and every emotion you could think of.
I had a post coital test done and the doctor was shocked to see there were no sperm. Going into the appointment I knew there was a possibility something could be wrong. We have been ttc for almost 9 months now but I thought maybe it would be something that was fixable, maybe he had a low sperm count or there was a problem with mobility but I was in complete shock when he couldn’t even find one. My fiance talked to his mother who told him he had two surgerys for undescended testicles when he was 1 and another when he was 6. Looking online the numbers are not good.
I cried and called my fiancé who was at work, I spent the rest of the day until he got home in my bed crying. The doctor ordered a Semen analysis which we will be doing in the next few weeks. Not knowing for the next week weeks what the fate of our life is, is killing me.
There’s nothing more in this world than we want them to be able to have our own baby and the fact that that’s possibly not an option anymore is absolutely terrifying. I wanted to make a place where I can share my journey, get some feelings out and hopefully get some support and create some friendships along the way. My fiancé is totally against using donor sperm so if he cannot produce sperm we will be going down the road of adoption which we don’t have money for to begin with. I understand his view on the donor sperm and the feeling that the child would not be his but I don’t want to miss the opportunity of being pregnant and the experience. But I love him and if this is our reality it will be a long and expensive road but I know in the end it will be worth it when we have our baby in our arms.
If you have adopted or know someone who has what are ways of raising money for it or loans/ programs, any information will help me so much.
I would love to hear your stories.

 

[Emmymommy]

I know I've said this before, but I wanted to extend my heartfelt sympathy once again. I am so sorry that you are going through this and will be dealing with this life changing news going forward. Of course the desire to conceive and carry your own beautiful child with the person you love is completely overwhelming and terrifying to let go of, and that feeling may never go away. You are allowed to feel whatever this experience brings your way as it comes, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are grieving, and you can take your sweet time.

Adoption can be such a beautiful thing and my hope for you in this moment is that your journey will end up being more amazing then you could ever imagine in someday nurturing a life - be it one you've created or one you've chosen as yours to protect and love.
As hard as it may be to hold on to each other and turn away the desire to place blame (I know I would want to), I encourage you to support one another where you can and allow this to grow your relationship.

I wish I could give you a big hug in real life!!

 

[Jsjskanamks]

Thank you so much, you have no idea how much that truly means to me.