Out of control!

[Connah'sMommy]

Connah is completely out of control. Im ashamed to say that iv lost control over my child...im really struggling!

Im sure his behaviour is a little worse with the arrival of Jack, thats attention seeking obviously but he is slowly just getting more and more uncontrollable!

Example of a typical day...

Get up with both kids, Come down and make Connah's breakfast, sit him down and then sort Jack. During this time, usually when im feeding Jack he will throw a fit over something.

I try to tell him off but im a bit busy by then so after iv told him off he will either smack himself in the head or bang it on the floor!
I cant always get to him in time to stop him

Going to nursery...I have Jack in the pram and Connah on his reins. If he isnt 100% happy that day its a nightmare! He will sit on the floor and not move,throw a paddy and scream. This is usually if he doesnt get something he wants. He is really strong and i cant always control him This week he has stayed at MIL's the night before nursery so she could take him...this is because the trip where i took him upset me so much I dont want him to have to stay at MILs because of this, its killing me

We dont have a very consistent method of discipline and i know we should as he will just get worse.

What can i do? What method of discipline will work best?

Im at my witts end with everything just now, i feel like i cant cope.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

First of all

Ruby's a bit older and I still can't rely on her walking. When number comes along (if she is still unreliable for walking) the baby will be in a carrier and Ruby will be in the buggy. Otherwise if she stopped walking then I'd be screwed. So do you have a sling? That might help you feel more in control.

Is there any way C can be busied with his breakfast and maybe some telly while you feed J? Or does he still look for attention?

We don't really do a discipline method as such, we just explain things and carry out logical consequences but also try our best to prevent the situations arising where undesirable behavior happens.

 

[sausages]

Oh honey i just want to reach in here and give you massive hugs because i have been there and done it only a year ago (just under). DD was 21 months old when DS was born and we had a couple of weeks of "oh, this isn't so hard with two kids" followed by a couple of months of nightmarish, uncontrollable behaviour. She did everything she possibly could do to be naughty. She stopped sleeping properly in the night and stopped her naps. She went hungry at tea time for two weeks solid because she refused to eat her meals. She started having massive tantrums and just generally being really, really hard work.

Thankfully it did only seem to last a couple of months, and i know that's not really appealing to you, being only a couple of weeks in, but for us at least it was just something to ride out.

The things that worked for us were making sure we both spent one on one time with her. The things she was doing (and what your LO could be doing) were mainly about attention seeking. Spending one on one time didn't solve the issue completely, as she is the kind of child who is never happy unless you spend every waking moment 100% fixated on whatever she wants, however, it did make us feel better knowing that we did spend time with her one on one and she was being naughty out of her percieved lack of attention, rather than an actual one - if that makes any sense?!

DD went through all the usual attention seeking naughtiness - wetting herself, banging her head in the floor etc. With the head banging i literally just moved her to a carpeted area and left her to it. We do this with most tantrums anyway - just ignore them.

Unfortunately, i am no angel and although i never smacked DD (not something i would personally ever do) i have shouted at her out of anger. This only served to make me feel guilty and terrible.

Like i said though, as much as it felt like it was never going to end it has done and she is now a moderately naughty little bugger!!

 

[Connah'sMommy]

First of all

Ruby's a bit older and I still can't rely on her walking. When number comes along (if she is still unreliable for walking) the baby will be in a carrier and Ruby will be in the buggy. Otherwise if she stopped walking then I'd be screwed. So do you have a sling? That might help you feel more in control.

Is there any way C can be busied with his breakfast and maybe some telly while you feed J? Or does he still look for attention?

We don't really do a discipline method as such, we just explain things and carry out logical consequences but also try our best to prevent the situations arising where undesirable behavior happens.

I have a sling but i cant work it im thinking of trying another if i dont have any luck with the one i have. Gonna try it out again today.

At the moment he is still looking for attention, he will sit for a bit but then he is climbing allover me.

Maybe i should be looking to distract him rathe that discipline, it would be worth a try x

 

[Hannah]

I am having the same issues, our babies are about the same age and Addy has been getting more and more uncontrollable since Jemima arrived. I am using time out and it is quite effective, I ask her to stop or she will go in timeout, if she doesn't then I put her in a timeout for a minute or two, I make sure there are no toys etc there and no dummy, then after I explain she was naughty for not listening to mummy, hitting etc and ask her to say sorry, hugs and kisses.

With the walking, we bought a double buggy second hand for £75 and it is a godsend. When we walk anywhere from our house we have to walk for 10-15 mins over paths and fields so no cars, I let her run around to her hearts content, then put her in the buggy. That seems to work quite well. Is that something you could try? If I am just popping from the car to the shops or something I often put the car seat on our single buggy then ask Addison if she wants to walk (the answer is always yes) so I tell her she must hold mummy's hand or hold on to the buggy or I will carry her. It has only happened once where I had to actually pick her up, full tantrum and lug her back to the car, screaming! Since then she has not bothered with the tantrum again, I think because I carries out the 'threat' of carrying her, she realises that I am not joking when I remind her to hold on.

I have also, at other people's suggestions got a box of toys now that only comes out when I am feeding Jemima, which I make a big deal out of and generally this gets her excited enough for the 10-20mins I am feeding to stop and attention seeking tantrums.

We are also making sure that I have something to do outside if the house with Addy everyday. Mondays is breastfeeding drop in, there are loads if toddlers there for her to play with, Tuesday is toddler group at our church hall, wednesday is a gardening an craft club at the children's centre, Thursday is swimming lesson and Friday a stay and play group. All of the groups are free other than the swimming lesson and arts and crafts which is 50p a week. Just keeping her busy is a godsend and keeps her distracted so we don't get the tantrums.

 

[Hannah]

Sorry for the typos, on my phone!