Parental Pressure

[Rovemongoose]

im 32, I have been living independently for years. It would drive me absolutly nuts to be back with my parents. They live in my hometown of Kirkcaldy. My mum has been badgering me since she came for a visit yesterday and had me in tears and basically making me feel like an incapable child. Apparently I won’t be able to cope without having them near, I won’t be able to have a support network here, my flat isn’t suitable (I was actually down for adoption before this happened and had a flat visit which I was told was suitable so she was promptly told she is talking crap). I won’t be able to work part time and have the child in nursery etc. So how do all these other single mothers do it who don’t live near their family??? They must not exist. I must be making it up. How would she cope if I lived in another country? I said, this actually has nothing to do with you, it’s my baby. She replied, well it’s my grandchild. And I’m being the selfish one? I’m actually really annoyed, it’s making me feel so inadequate. I am NOT moving....especially back to my hometown that is dying a little bit.

 

[DobbyForever]

Hugs.

First congrats!

Sorry your mom went off on you. I feel you. When you are a single parent, it’s easy for people to assume you just aren’t suited or can’t do it alone. I’m 29, own a three bedroom condo with no roommates, have a MS, and a stable job that pays decently. But I get poop too when I announced my pregnancy.

It is hard. Very hard. Having a support network nearby is so helpful. However, I have friends who are single moms who live on opposite sides of the country from their family. Like you said, they make it work. No matter where you are, it will be hard. So do what is best for you and your baby. And honestly some weekends I hate coming over because i’m so tired I want to cry but nobody will help me. I have to beg them to just go to target to get supplies for ten minutes because “why can’t you take him with you” or “you chose to have a baby”. So just because you are close doesn’t mean they will be full time help. And don’t get me wrong, they help me a lot lol.

I spend a lot of time with my family, so I can’t imagine not living near them. I try to limit how much help I ask for, but I am run down. My ex doesn’t do his visitation nor does his family even ask about our son, so it’s nice to build his relationships on my side.

But yeah we have this running joke in my family that if you need an impossible task done to ask the single mom because I get s* done.

 

[Rags]

You'll do it Rovemongoose, you'll discover that there's far more support around you than you realise and you'll adapt and your life will change and all of that will be fine because you'll have your bundle of joy and even when it seems difficult you'll work it out.
I'm wondering if your mum is worried that she's going to miss out on her grandchild and rather than just admitting this she's putting pressure on to you to move nearer? I'm not sure where you are now but Kirkaldy isn't exactly at the end of the country and is easy enough to get to, maybe your mum needs you to reassure her that she will still get to be 'granny' and that she won't miss out.

 

[Rovemongoose]

Sorry I totally missed the replies to this. Yeah she still hasn’t let up. I said to her that I would have the time to travel to see them more as I would be going back to work for 16 hours a week.....straight up shoots me down and says ( oh you won’t be able to do that). I just feel every little thing I say or do is wrong and because I don’t have straight answers to benefits etc etc yet and she is demanding I find out nursery costs and times etc (baring in mind I’m 5 months, baby isn’t even born yet). I just find her so stressful. She has no off filter. I’m seeing citizens advice on the 20th so will hopefully have a better answer for her then. She just needs to get a grip. Her anxiety is pretty toxic tbh and exactly why I couldn’t live near her, she would drive me nuts