partner not attending 12 week nuchal scan

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by bananatea, Apr 21, 2009.

  1. bananatea

    bananatea Well-Known Member

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    HI there,

    I'm new to this forum, I stumbled across it this morning and think it's the best i've come across so far :)

    Anyway, I wanted to ask is anyone will be attending or already has attended your 12 week scan, and if you had to go alone because of your partners/ baby's fathers work commitments or other reasons/excuses?

    My boyfriend promised me he would attend the scan, as I felt it was really important for us, and especially for me. Without going into too much boring detail of why he can't come (as he could of but he messed it up) I feel really let down and kind of sad that i'm doing it alone, as i've been waiting for this scan for weeks, just to reassure me that our baby is ok as I have worried myself sick over these bad cramps i've been having.

    We've been through a turbulent 3 months as the pregnancy was unplanned, and having only been together for 8 months (i'm 26,partner is 23) I wanted the reassurance of him now looking forward to the child and not seeing this pregnancy as 'the beginning of the end'. Were living together and all is fine, but just wish some blokes would realise how important this scan is for us women!:hissy:

    Anyway, sorrry for rambling. I have my scan tomorrow, where I will be 12.5weeks, however I think it's more like 12.3weeks. I just hope all will be ok.
     
  2. JayDee

    JayDee Sunshine and rainbow

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    Aw honey - it's a shame your boyfriend can't come with you to the scan.

    Is he actually sad that he can't come or (in your opinion) has he messed up on purpose so he doesn't have to come? Maybe he's actually gutted that he's missing out and is just hiding it well????

    I know mine would be gutted if he couldn't come, but our pregnancy was planned and we've been together ages so it's a bit different I guess.

    Hope all goes well with the scan and you get a good pic to show your boyfriend and everyone else x
     
  3. babystar

    babystar Guest

    :hugs: good luck tomorrow :hugs: sorry your OH cant be there :(
     
  4. Blondie2008

    Blondie2008 Mum to the amazing Bethan

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    Hay hun,

    Hope your ok. I dont blame you for being upset about this - i certainly would have been.

    Is there any way that you can talk to your boyfriend and make him understand how important it is to you. Otherwise take a relative or friend - dont go alone!

    I have to say that the first scan was the most important thing to have happened in the pregnancy for me. Eventhough the second was amazing - it was the first that i was really looking forward to.

    Hope it all works out for you hun xx
     
  5. bananatea

    bananatea Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou for the speedy responses :)

    No, he hasn't deliberatly organised it so he can't come. He to!ok time off work last week and this week up untill today, and even though he can do this, as he's an IT contractor, because he took this time off, it's not likely he can take the afternoon off tomorrow, as he put it 'unless you want me to be out of a job'. I think he did want to come, but i'm annoyed at him for putting himself in this position, as he's known for so long the scan date, and UUURGH. MEN!!!

    Yes, he knows how important it is to me, but nothing I can do now. His loss I guess. Just wanted to share it with him, but sod him(excuse my language).

    Yeah, I guess he can see the pic, but it's not the same. Oh well, ho hum. Could be worse really. These spots on my once clear face don't make matters easier.Bah.
     
  6. bananatea

    bananatea Well-Known Member

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    sorry, i just realised that last post made noooo sense..but you get my drift (I can't write legibly when huffing and puffing)x
     
  7. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    Actually my boyfriend drove me to my ultrasound and on the way there I had a terrible mood swing. My monstrous side of me came out and we began to argue. As soon as we pulled into the doctors I told him not to come in and to leave. He sped off and my mom (she had the day off) drove up to my doctors and did the ultrasound with me. I was super mad at him at the time but right after I regretted it. I wish he could of been there to see the baby move its head and to see its heart beat in its chest. So I know how you are feeling, except I am mad at myself about it.

    Maybe you could bring a friend or family member with you for the scan? That might make you feel better. Best of luck hun, hope your scan goes well! :hugs:
     
  8. JayDee

    JayDee Sunshine and rainbow

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    Ha - it does make sense to me, but I keep thinking one word and typing another so.....

    Sounds like he's just not really looked into it too well. I bet he's actually upset that he can't make it (doesn't help you but....)

    Just make double sure that he books the time off for the 20 week scan well in advance.

    I also agree, don't go on your own, take a friend or your mum or someone if boyf can't make it x
     
  9. celine

    celine Well-Known Member

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    My hubby didnt come with to my scan, I was a little sad as it was the first biggie - but its not the end of the world, he came to the next one and baby was even bigger then so more to see.
    But do take someone else with you if you can :)
     
  10. Kimboowee

    Kimboowee Complete

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    My bf didnt come to my first scan as i only got the letter a couple of days before and he was on a course. I took my mum instead! To make up for it we had a special day out for my 20 weeks scan, went for lunch and shopping!
     
  11. MrsO29

    MrsO29 Me-Hubby-2 kids-2 m/cs

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    My hubby only came to our daughters 20 week scan, and will only be coming to this ones 20 week scan too.

    He is usually working, but he could get the day off if he wanted, we just aren't that fussed!
    I wouldn't be too hard on him, I don't think it's the same for the men.
    My hubby said nothing felt real to him until the baby was actually born.

    I also wouldn't go alone. It's so nice to have someone to share it with.
    I usually take my mum.

    Good luck tomorrow xx
     
  12. bananatea

    bananatea Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I guess your right Mrso29. Guess it doesn't feel as real for the men, which was why I wanted him there. But i've asked my mum now to come along, so that be nice for her :) She will probably be more excited than me!x
     
  13. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    I know this similar excuse when i was mc last year. hhhhmph!
     
  14. elainegee

    elainegee Well-Known Member

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    my pregnancy wasn't planned but luckily for me OH could attend the 12 weeks scan as he wasnt working, but he is a builder and if work had came up he would have to of took it so i would of went on my own in that instance. enjoy the experience and you can brag about it too him afterward and when he see's your pictures he will of wished he was there!
     
  15. tasha41

    tasha41 Mum & Dad + 1

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    My boyfriend and I hadn't been together long and the pregnancy was unplanned.. Elyse is over a month old and we're still going strong (better than ever really).. had no relationship problems ever though TBH really..

    And he didn't come to any of my ultrasounds except for the 3D.. he worked, I didn't mind going on my own.
     
  16. MummyToAmberx

    MummyToAmberx Mum to 3 Girls 1 Boy

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    My OH wasnt there for both scans, due to work also and we lived vert far apart.
    MY friend came first time, my grandma came second. :)
     
  17. Buffy71

    Buffy71 Mummy to Harriet!

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    Hi hon. I think one of the things that's really worrying you of whether he's committed as you'd been together fir a short time. Imho I think he'd have been off before now, instead you are living together and have remained a couple through this turbulent time. He is clearly committed, just as mrs029 said, men just don't "get it" this early on. They just want their foxy wife/girlfriend back who has been replaced by us emotioanl, hormonal and spotty (me too!) versions.

    Good luck hon. Xxx
     
  18. JayDee

    JayDee Sunshine and rainbow

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    Glad you got someone to go with you - hope it all goes well today x
     
  19. bananatea

    bananatea Well-Known Member

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    Morning,
    thanks for the posts. You all made me feel alot better, however I will be now going on my own as my partner def can't make it , and my mum was going to come but it really is too far and too much walking for her to do as she is on crutches for a really messed up knee. So I told her not to come and i'll be fine. And I will be :) Everything will be fine, and it's something special for me to experience on my own, which kinda makes it even more special.

    So,,,got my blood tests and then the scan later on today, so fingers crossed. I'm so excited to see our baby :-D
     
  20. Pregnancy-No1

    Pregnancy-No1 Well-Known Member

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    Hi, sorry that your bf can't come to your scan if you want him there..... I thought I wanted my hubby there but it doesn't really bother me if he doesn't come - my husband is very excited about our little baby but he hasn't been to any of my 3 scans yet and luckly I know its not that he doesn't care its just not his thing... hahaha! I feel our little baby is the cutest thing he thinks it looks like a alien because of his/her big head im not taking it personally, I think its funny how different us woman are from men....

    Try and not take it to personal and still show him the pics and talk about your baby together :) hope you feel better soon!
     

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