passed over venting

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by hersweetleaf, Jan 27, 2011.

  1. hersweetleaf

    hersweetleaf mommy to a baby hulk

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    so, 2 years ago my husnabd and i moved into his mothers house, when she moved in with her fiance. Its been nice, but...i keep noticing things that needs to be done, maintence and overal general repairs to the house. Now we have a baby on the way, and with his sister getting married, nows the time to get the stuff done asap. but with his sisters wedding its been hell trying to get them to get anything done. We gave her a list per her request, of things that need to be done, there was only 8 things on the list, and i feel like one thing a month would be sufficant enough to get done in a timely manner and be less costly overall. However, me and my husbands feeling is that we're not too confidant things will get done in the timely manner. I mean, theres mold issues, wiring issues, carpet thats been here for 30 years that needs to be replaced, its one thing after another and after giving her the list yesterday im sooooooo frusterated with this. I cant help but feel less important and passed over now that we have a baby on the way and his sister getting married is way more important than our house getting baby ready. his mom even told me once that it was bad timing on our part because of the wedding, which isnt till august. how am i suppost to feel hearing that?!i mean, how do i not feel passed over and that us and our baby is not imporant. ive done what i could and complained and gave her the list, but shes the landlord, and has told me out right she cant afford much right now due to the wedding. what do i do? i personally dont feel like this house is babysafe, let alone healthy. its becoming more of a pain in the arse than a blessing to be honost being in this house. renting an apartment would be nice, but we just cant swing that with the economy and me not working and only having one income. im just stressed...if i could, id do all the stuff myself, but being pregnant i cant. i dont know what to do. im fed up i cant stop crying.
     
  2. jocelynmarie

    jocelynmarie Well-Known Member

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    That puts you in a really tough situation. I don't have any good advise for you, but I wanted to let you know I care :hugs:
     
  3. Kittifer

    Kittifer Well-Known Member

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    Well, if you can't afford to move out, could you possibly afford to fund some of these changes? It's the best compromise I can think of.
     
  4. hersweetleaf

    hersweetleaf mommy to a baby hulk

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    we could, i even offered. i said one thing a month, and if its too much for her we can chip in what we can. but at the same time, its her house, shes the landlord and if she ends up selling it in the future, we will not be getting whatever we paid for out of it. so its like, damned if we do and damned if we dont.
     
  5. Freya

    Freya Toddler and baby

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    Do you pay standard rent? If so your landlord should meet 'some' of your requirements such as anything leading to safety issues. If it's a case of updating decor, appliances or furnishings then these can feasibly wait. If you pay less than Market rate for rent because it's family, it's reasonable that you and oh pay for what you would like doing.

    If there's any chance of you finding some temporary work before baby comes, maybe grab it to get what you'd like or compromise with the mother in law.

    Hope it all works out x
     
  6. hersweetleaf

    hersweetleaf mommy to a baby hulk

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    im not comfortable discussing rent amount. its standard in these parts the amount we pay.

    and i have been looking. no one wants to hire a pregnant chick, let alone anyone in this economy.

    and its maintence stuff, not decore material items. its the wiring, the mold, the carpets, the plumbing etc.
     
  7. sweetpea01

    sweetpea01 Well-Known Member

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    Does your husband have time to help out with the repairs to help with expense..such as ripping out the carpet? ..are there hardwood floors underneath the carpet? If so could you restore them? I mean it doesn't have to be pretty, just clean for now. Depends on the mold issue ...how bad it is but I know that is very important to fix..maybe get some bleach and clean up whatever mold is there? Like I said I don't know what the extent of the repairs needed. I know it can be overwhelming so I hope that in some way yall can come to a compromise. Living on one income is hard and I am sure you guys don't have enough money to fund it all yourself but you might have to put some into it in order to get anything done especially since the mom cares more about the wedding right now..which I am sure is frustrating. Sometimes you can't change the way someone else sees things. If she sees this wedding more important than repairs then there may not be alot you can do about that. Maybe if you guys do some repairs then she will see what yall are doing and try to help out then? If you guys are renting the house from her and she is indeed your landlord then usually it is up to the landlord to do the repairs but when it comes to renting under a family member and there is no contract and it is all a spoken contract....things can get tricky. It almost seems to me as though there is something she isn't telling ya'll as far as the reason for not doing the repairs. Does she perhaps secretly want yall to do the repairs yourself for some reason? I mean, I don't really know what I am talking about because I don't know the whole situation.....I just hope it works out to where you guys can get a nice clean and safe house for the baby.
     
  8. sweetpea01

    sweetpea01 Well-Known Member

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    oops..sorry didn't see your answers before I posted
     
  9. hersweetleaf

    hersweetleaf mommy to a baby hulk

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    my husbands job is very tetious and stressful, so basically the only time he has is on the weekends, and he would prefer to relax.

    she is very...whats the word...thrifty with money. and yes, it does feel like she wants us to take care of this stuff, but i simply am not comfortable, especially since we have no written contract, and i have no idea if we will get what we paid for back from the house being sold. she says that part of our rent is going into the bank for a housepayment down the road, but i havent seen it or heard anything about it since moving in 2 years ago. i do have a very strong feeling shes using our rent for the wedding in which im pretty angry about, but im not 100% sure. its just a hunch.

    im thinking about going on craigslist and looking at handymen or something. anything to kickstart this. the sooner it gets done the better.
     
  10. Mama627

    Mama627 Mom & Preggo w/ #2

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    You mentioned that you would like to rent an apartment, but can't do it with the resources you have available which leads me to believe you're paying less than market value for the apartment. Perhaps then you could take care of the more pressing repairs yourself, or at least do something to make it livable while you're there. It's true that you won't get your money back on any repairs that you make to the home should your mother choose to sell, but your mother could probably be making more money if she rented the home to someone other than family.

    With the mold issues, get some bleach and clean up what you can. They sell some paint in home improvement stores called "Kilz" and it's specifically made for painting over mold. It kills it and seals the area. You wouldn't really be throwing your money out the window by doing that, as the house will be more aesthetically pleasing for you to live in.

    The wiring issues will likely require an electrician, which can be costly depending on what the problem is.

    The carpet can be cleaned either professionally or by you (rent a rug-doctor from the supermarket), and then you can just put area rugs over it if it's really worn and ugly. As a bonus, you can take the area rugs with you when you move, so it's not wasted money.

    You keep complaining that you don't feel important because your mother is spending her time and money on your sister-in-law's wedding, but the wedding was probably planned long before you got pregnant. I know that sounds harsh, but you really need to take a step back and look at this situation from your mother-in-laws perspective. Yes, her grandchild is being born, but she's already doing you and your husband a favor by giving you a place to live. Her daughter is also getting married and she's trying to do her daughter a favor now too by helping out with the wedding.
     
  11. jocelynmarie

    jocelynmarie Well-Known Member

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    First things first and I'd have someone check out the mold and wiring. Thats dangerous for everyone. Not just the baby. I watch a lot of those HGTV shows and just saw one where the wiring was bad (the lady happened to be pregnant too) and they had to rewire the whole house because it was such a fire hazard!

    Try and get an estimate and bring that to your MIL. Explain about the safety hazards involved. I understand that weddings are expensive, but safety should always come first, and it is her responsibility to make sure that the place she is renting to you is a safe place to live.
     
  12. hersweetleaf

    hersweetleaf mommy to a baby hulk

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    theres no way she will ever get more than what we pay with other people living here. the house is not up to standards and if it was inspected by a professional, she will have to redo alot more than what we need done in order to get it to code and have other people rent it out for more than what we pay.

    as for the wedding. you have no idea what this is like. his sister is constantly needing things that are way expensive, top of the line, etc. she will not accept anyting less. shes very spoiled and very demanding when it comes to this, everything is handed to her on a silver platter. she has a job but refuses to pay for anything wedding related. i understand this wedding is important, ive been there. i understand 100% that its a once in a lifetime thing (i hope). i dont feel selfish for wanting BASIC matience done on the house, it shouldnt be a hassle to get new carpeting etc. she shouldnt have to make a decision on, which one is more important.

    as for the carpeting, the padding under it is molding, it smells, its dusty, and its leaching color so much so that when i walk around with socks on, my feet turn orange. we have carpet cleaned it numerous times, but it doesnt do very much considering its THIRTY YEAR OLD CARPET!
     
  13. hersweetleaf

    hersweetleaf mommy to a baby hulk

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    thank you for being understanding and not thinking that im being selfish for wanting us to live in a safe enviroment. as far as taking a bid to my MIL, my OH thinks we are treading on thin ice with her as it is. she was taken aback with the stuff on the list. which shouldnt be because its all basic saftey stuff. i just dont get her way of thinking. she lived her all these years and never updated stuff, excpet painting over water stains on the celing. i just cant fathom how someone could live like this. i am trying to be calm and collected about it, but it boggles my mind that someone could live like this and not try to fix it. but i guess people bring their baby up in worse conditions right? so i should be greatful for what we have at the moment?....sigh.
     
  14. babywanted

    babywanted Well-Known Member

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    We rented from my husbands parents for a while in a house that was in terrible condition. When repairs needed to be done to the well, or the wring, or the furnace we funded the repair and took it out of our rent. So for example sake, if we paid 400 a month and the repair was 200 we would pay for the repair out of our pocket and then pay his parents 200 and attach a receipt for the repair in the amount of 200. That way they didn't have to come up with the money out of pocket and we didn't have to really pay for it either.

    I don't know if that solution will work for you guys but it's a thought. :shrug:
     
  15. hersweetleaf

    hersweetleaf mommy to a baby hulk

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    we've done that when it came to the pest/rat problems. but the cost exceeded our rents, and she ended up paying for the rest, and complained about it.
     
  16. leelee

    leelee Mammy to 2

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    If you are paying the going rate in rent then why not move out to somewhere else?

    If this isn't possible then I am afraid your husband might need to put aside his relaxation time at the weekend and help to make the place more habitable.

    Perhaps if you sorted the mould and the carpets your MIL might sort out the wiring?
     

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