Please don't judge harshly...**update pg 2**

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Frecks, May 31, 2011.

  1. Frecks

    Frecks Well-Known Member

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    My oh has had quite a serious weed addiction since about 13, and he always said he would give up if i became pregnant. I'm so proud of him, he's cut down so so much since iv been pregnant, his usage has gone down from £20 a day to not even a fiver a day. I know this is still bad and I have made it clear that he will not be holding the baby if he has been smoking. I have faith in him that he will be able to stop in the next 17 odd weeks, I can't show doubt in him because it will dampen the progress he's made so far.

    I just can't help being concerned still that he won't manage it. He smokes more on his days off, and iv said to him that they are the most important days not to smoke it because he will be with the baby. I think he's in denial a bit, he thinks that once our lo's here it will be easy to stop straight away. I used to smoke it occasionally with him but never anything substantial, I would never do it now, my lo has changed my life and I just wish that my oh felt this way too. I know it is unacceptable for him to smoke it anyway, but i also understand it is an addiction and he's trying his hardest to quit so please don't put comments about how bad it is that he smokes, I know it is. I just needed to get it out really xx
     
  2. babyhopes2010

    babyhopes2010 one boy one girl.perfect!

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    its a nvery difficult habit to break not sure if he could do it without professional help.
    my brothers very addicted to weed and now its affecting the child becos daddys stoned all the time :(
     
  3. Sarah24

    Sarah24 Mummy to Finley

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    I can't see how anyone can judge you hun, you've done everything right setting boundaries. It's the same with normal smoking - I always said I'd quit straight away but now I'm pregnant I didn't find it easy. It's a lifestyle change and IS hard. May take him some time, but he's shown he's trying. Just keep supporting him and reminding him of why he needs to stop. Good luck xxxxx
     
  4. PageJ28

    PageJ28 Active Member

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    My Oh doesn't smoke, but he has plenty of family members that do.(cigarettes and weed) I haven't gotten up the courage to tell him that I really don't want our daughter going over there (I know it will start an argument). Even if they don't smoke around her, the house constantly smells of it. Every time I leave the smell sticks to my clothes. I'm not going with him to visit as much as I used to.
     
  5. letshaveababy

    letshaveababy Mommy of 4!!

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    I'm not here to judge, as my DH used to smoke a lot, too. My BIL smokes probably as much, if not more than your OH, and my SIL says she is never having children because he says he "can't" quit.

    I'm on the fence about whether it is an addiction or not. It's not the same as, let's say, tobacco, in the fact that you aren't addicted as much to WHAT you are smoking, as the EFFECT it gives you (IYKWIM)

    He's just going to have to realize that his smoking days are over. It's dangerous for him to be around the baby after he's smoked not just because of the toxins, but also because he's not sober and doesn't have the reaction time or common sense to safely handle a child (regardless of age).
     
  6. Johns Girl

    Johns Girl Well-Known Member

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    The easiest way to over come addiction or habit is distraction and replacing his tome smoking with something he wants even more. Your little baby coming along might be the one thing in life he is TRULY willing to quit for xx
     
  7. momof2bb

    momof2bb Well-Known Member

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    I will strongly advice he gets a professional help. Alone to end an addiction like that is really hard he is vulnerable and might just go back to to it easily...
    I'm proud of him too... It's important to consider baby comes first as that little man is not just innocent also the result of your love...
    All the best of luck in your recovery journey.... You have to help him and being more understanding
     
  8. Frecks

    Frecks Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I am always supportive and will continue to be because i know its the best way to encourage him to stop but keep telling him he needs to stop, because I think none of this feels real to him still, thank you and thank you all ladies, I really appreciate the support, it just really gets me down some days because I'd hate for our son to grow up and know his dad smokes it, I grew up in a house where drugs were completely unacceptable and I would like that to be how our boy grows up xx
     
  9. aley28

    aley28 2 boys & a girl <3

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    Before I met him, my husband was a very big weed smoker. He said he smoked it every single day, though he never really said how much he smoked at a time. Enough to get "happily stoned" (whatever THAT means??)... and he'd been smoking it for years and years. Then one day he decided that he could continue on smoking weed for the rest of his life and work a crappy job, or he could stop smoking it and get hired on at a good company. He decided to go for a better job and said he just stopped smoking it. Put it down one day and never picked it up again, because he'd decided that having a good job with benefits and decent pay was more important. So it IS possible to put it down and walk away. He's been clean for 5 years now!

    That said, I think you're doing the right thing. Set boundaries and stick to them. He can't hold the baby if he's been smoking. He can't be around the baby if he's got pot out. Etc. Eventually, he'll hopefully decide that he'd rather be a good daddy than a stoner. And if you're supportive and do what you can to help him quit, it'll be all the better.
     
  10. kellyb

    kellyb Well-Known Member

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    I agree with letshaveababy. Pot, according to a lot of research I read, isn't so much of a physiological addiction (like nicotine), but more of a mental addiction. And being addicted to it, is fairly rare, all in all. I think it's great progress that he's cut down by so much. Remember that for a lot of men, the baby doesn't really become real until he sees it. For us, it's different, since we feel it! I think you've done the right thing by setting boundaries, and I think he's definitely moving in the right direction. As long as he doesn't show any other signs of not caring so much, this one probably won't be a big deal. I'd actually be much more worried if he was drinking all the time--that's a scary one.
     
  11. Zooy

    Zooy Pregnant with a toddler

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    I will come from the other side of things. I've been addicted to pot since I was 16, smoked everyday from the time I was 18. This has been an extremely hard pregnancy for me since I quit after finding out I was pregnant. I've smoked twice since then and I still crave it every single day. It really is a mental addiction more than a physical addiction.

    First step would be to cut it out on the days he works and only smoke on his off days, those days off become clear and your mind literally becomes clear from the fog. I think I have a different view of pot mainly because my parents smoked and a lot of my family smokes. It takes a lot of mental power to do it and constant support from you.
     
  12. jrc10

    jrc10 Harper's Mommy <3

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    My father smoked pot every day. He would take the last bit of money we had to get it, whether we had food or not. He wasn't much of a father, and a horrible role model. The only good thing that came of it was my brother and I never wanted to be that way.

    Good luck to you. Keep trying. I think everyone deserves a chance. :)
     
  13. joeyjo

    joeyjo Mum to 2boys, growing #3

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    He's done well to cut down as much as he has. Does he also smoke cigs? If not does he mix the weed with tobacco to smoke it? If so he is not only trying to break an addiction to weed he is also breaking a nicotine addiction too; a friend of mine found nicotine patches really helped her give up weed.
     
  14. kelownaprego

    kelownaprego Well-Known Member

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    in his younger years (LONG before me!) my husband got addicted to cocaine from partying, was a cronic pot smoker (he basically was stoned all waking hours and actually needed it to function) and smoked cigarettes. He has quit all three, the first two for many many years, cigarettes were the last, he quit when I got pregnant, but still swears that quitting pot was by far the hardest thing he has ever done in his life. I don't really understand because I am a total square who has never done anything but smoke and the few times I tried pot it just made me nausious and paranoid! But from how he talks I understand that it is not just some recreational thing that people do at parties, it can be very very addictive and have a hold on your life.
    I would just suggest support him and maybe if he's having trouble really quitting he needs to join a support group or something. From what my husband says, he knows he can never in his life touch the stuff again, he says he could not just smoke it once and be done with it, he just knows it would become a habit very quickly, so he probablly does need to quit 100% to actually be in control.
    Like I said I am kind of a square so I don't really have any real adivice, but it does seem like something that needs to be actually quit, not just cut down, because managing to 'just smoke a little' or 'just once today' seems like it would be harder on him. I know many people actually who have had this problem and were embarassed to get help because 'its just pot', but some actually had to go to legit rehab for it. If he needs help he needs to admit it. Anyways I Just mostly wanted you to know that it isn't weird or trashy or anything to be embarassed about, and if your OH wants any tips on quitting from my hubby you can always send me a pm and I will relay it on. Good luck and fingers crossed he will quit and become a total nerd like my husband did (you would never guess his shady past, I don't think I have ever even seen him drunk before!)
    :hugs:xoxo
     
  15. booboomagoo

    booboomagoo Well-Known Member

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    It sounds like he wants to quit, which is the most important part. I don't have any real tips for you, but I didn't want to read and run. Best of luck!
     
  16. AFatKindaThin

    AFatKindaThin Well-Known Member

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    I think your doing the right thing hun by supporting him, addictions are never easy. Hopefully when baby gets here he won't want to do it anymore. He has made great progress so far so hopefully he can overcome the last hurdle x x x
     
  17. sophusx

    sophusx Well-Known Member

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    I am so proud of him so far, he's doing really well - at the end of the day nobody can force him to do it and like a lot of girls have said he needs something different to entertain his mind rather than pot.
    Also, (not that I agree with either) normal cigarettes are more harmful to children in the long term than weed, not that this should in anyway be used an excuse but more to put your mind at rest a tiny weeny bit.

    I think you are doing the right thing and not pushing him too hard, as long as you stick to your rules of not holding the baby etc it sounds like he is going to do well!

    Good luck

    xxx
     
  18. I really think this depends alot on the person. Some people have a much more addictive nature. I used to smoke it etc with friends when I was really young, and one day I just decided that I didn't want to do it anymore, so walked awy from it all, but I hadn't been doing it that long, and I don't have a particullarly addictive nature to things.

    I think you are both doing great, and your hubby's attitude is in the right direction, which is most important. Like others have said, when baby arrives, it might make things more real for him. us women feel the baby moving all the tim etc, and have a connection from day 1 to baby, which makes it more real for us. Just continue with the fabulous support that you are already offering hubby.

    If you find that he is struggling still when baby arrives, and he is open to it, then maybe he could get some help from his GP.

    Good luck :hugs:
     
  19. Frecks

    Frecks Well-Known Member

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    I really appreciate all of your support thank you so much xxx
     
  20. Frecks

    Frecks Well-Known Member

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    just thought id let you ladies who were kind enough to reply know that yesterday he sent me a message to say that he'd thrown his bong away....SOOOO happy and proud of him :D:D:D xx
     

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