Please help me!

[daizymay]

Hello everyone,

I need your help! I am 20 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we have lived together all this time.. but he has just got onto an amazing course at uni, i live in london and the uni is all the way in scotland. We have always been very sensible about our relationship and so decided that as we are young we would live our lives seprately and have some fun. The things is i have just found out i am pregnant... i havent been able to tell him and he is going in three days. I dont want him to go all the way up there and worry about me. The first week is crucial for him to make friends and start getting into the swing of things. I had an abortion before and it cut us both up so much. I just dont know what to do!!!

I feel really alone and would love for you guys to help me out. Thanks for reading.

btw what ever happens even if it means i have to put the baby up for adoption i am not having a termination.

 

[DawnMN26]

OMG don't abort it! Sit ur man down & have a long talk. This life is more important than you man having to make friends etc.

 

[marcdale]

Have to agree with that, as a bloke I would be more pis*ed and upset if you didn't tell me and let me go up there. You need to tell him and if hes the right person for you he will do the right thing, but either way he will want to know.

 

[Armywife]

I really admire that you are putting your o/h first here, that is a very admirable thing to do. However i really think you need to tell hime before he goes, he has the right to know and won't necessarily worry, he may be over the moon. No one knows how they will react to pregnancy, even if a baby is planned so you may be suprised. Tell him you are aware his life is about to change already and that you are wary of giving him too much to handle but that you thought he deserved to know. Explain how you are feeling and let him help you with the decision. Pregnancy and hormones are difficult to handle, you need all the support you can get. Good luck honey xx

 

[vitriolic_vix]

You should tell him before he goes as its affects the both of you. I'm sure he would be mad if he felt you were keeping a secret like that

 

[wiiwidow]

Oh poor you, I can imagine how you're feeling...BUT you've got to allow your OH to make his own mind up on this one. You must talk to him about it especially in view of your past and how hurt you both were.

There are lots of options, 2 of which I can think of immediately, you go with him or he defers for a year.

Hope you work things out, but please allow him the opportunity to make his own mind up...he deserves that as do you. xx

 

[Armywife]

Just wanted to add that my hubby is away a lot and was away for a lot of my last pregnancy (not just the other side of the country but an entirely different country) and we managed just fine and we are doing this time too. You find a way to deal with these things when they happen xxx

 

[daizymay]

AWW you guys are brilliant!! I know for a fact that he wont be at all happy about it. we recently had a friend in the same situation and his feelings towards it were so different to mine. His family are very proper and he wants to be married and have good job for a few years and then have kids! I am very different my mum had be at 19. He has so many aspirations and and is extremely driven. not only that but he is looking forward to university so much. I feel like he would resent me forever. Part of me wishes that he had nothing to do with it just so i could go on with it all on my own and not feel like i was ruining his life.

 

[marcdale]

Well it does take two, so its not your fault. But you still need to tell him, I know I would want to know.

 

[mislaww]

Congrats on the bfp!

After a heartbreaking year of ttc and a loss, my hubby and I wished we'd gotten started right away - before we were married, before we had jobs, before we finished school, before we were even committed to each other! And it could have been worse. We just didn't know that at the time.

So planned or not, challenging or not, this might be the biggest blessing you ever get...

I agree with the others - tell him. He might be excited, he might be confused, but I'm sure he'd want to know. And it won't ruin his first classes.

Whether or not you go up with him, or he defers, or you live separately for a year (long distance isn't the end of the world) that's a decision you two can make together.

Good luck!

 

[Armywife]

Well, it is a lesson to him then. As Marcdale said it takes 2! He can resent you all he likes, it is as much his responsibility as it is yours. Sorry you are going through this, i hope it works out xxx

 

[Katie Mc]

What do you want and how do you feel, if he didnt want to know could you do this alone.

Tell him anyway he might just surprise you, goodluck

 

[Vickie]

I understand that you are not discussing having an abortion but rather that you had one in the past and don't want to go through that again but the rules about discussing abortions and terminations is very strict (as this is primarily a family forum for women who are pregnant, trying to get pregnant or who have children) so I have to close this thread.

Per forum rules and TOS:

While BabyandBump try to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations outside of the 'Ethical Prenatal Losses' forum.

To the original poster please do repost your thread without mention of abortion so that you can get more advice from these lovely ladies