So sorry you are going through this, but know that you are not alone. I was in the process of separating from my husband when I learned of my pregnancy. We tried 8 years for this baby and so it was a big shock when it happened. We both wanted to be parents so badly but my mental illness (very bad depression) got in the way of our marriage plus his alcohol and drug problems. Anyway like you I endured his verbal abuse after he found out about the baby, something I never ever saw coming since he and I desperately wanted to be parents for so long. We met with my therapist and she said I should live somewhere else. So that's what I did - stayed with a friend a couple of hours away, so so sick in the first trimester, staying on her couch longing for a real bed. He started seeing other women, even though he told me he wouldn't until we filed for divorce, since there was so much adjustment going on - but he lied, once again, and was cheating, once again.
My brother said to me that as time goes on and he meets his baby that he will probably come around (not that it's good for my marriage but good for the baby). And in fact he has. He is now very much looking forward to being a dad - he's 43 and I'm 40. I moved home and we lived separately and are going through the process of divorce since I had money before we were married and he's trying to take it and I can't deal with financial stress.
The reason for my story to you is that I understand mental illness a little better than some, unfortunately. Bipolar is very complicated and extremely difficult for the person with it as well as the person with them. I was diagnosed bipolar but have since only had major depressive episodes. I have things that trigger me like financial problems, marital problems and lots of stress - so now I'm trying to avoid them.
My advise to you is that you're doing the right thing by separating from him. You and I have so much to deal with being a single parent - but I know for me I need control in my life and the life of my child. I don't want him to be around someone who smokes pot every day and is drunk every weekend. I don't want this person to be stoned and caring for my baby...so for me, while it's sad that after being with him - the love of my life at one point - for 15 years, I realized that I and the baby deserve a stable, loving environment and that I have to put my and baby's needs first.
My husband is now regretting things, saying the other women didn't mean anything etc but I've not seen any change in his alcohol/drug use. Your SO has a very complicated illness that in my opinion is very hard to treat. I think you made the right decision to leave that environment. I agree with the other poster that time truly does heal. Even at 40 I still believe there is a good man for me out there and I will be in a loving, respectful relationship one day soon - I've dealt with this for long enough and so have you it sounds.
Good luck and please feel free to PM me anytime. Mental illness is so very hard and I think you made the right decision to move.
HUGS
