please tell me it gets better

[babyzoe]

DH and I had a BIG fight last night about the in-law situation. It was compounded when I found out that apparently SIL is bringing her son and staying there after the uncle and aunt leave. So now I have even more people staying at my house and NO ONE EVEN THOUGHT TO LET ME IN ON THESE PLANS. Who else is going to be romping around my house going through my personal things? I'm just distraught, I've tried so hard to just internalize everything but I just broke down last night. It's just too much. I feel like I've completely lost trust in my MIL and now I feel like I'm losing trust in DH. I mean...what happens when my baby is 7 years old and MIL comes over to house sit/baby sit. Is she gonna invite random people over then too? Is my child going to be safe around some man that I don't know at all? (I'm not saying that these people are molesters, but that's the whole point....I don't know!)

I just feel at such an impasse and I don't even want to spend time with them anymore I just want to get pregnant and then have nothing to do with those in-laws. And I know DH would never go for that, and understandably so. I just....I just don't know where we go from here. If the BabyZoe Public Hotel plans continue I'll be upset....but if MIL is told to tell everyone to cancel their plans, the rest of the family is upset. This could have all been avoided if DH would have just nipped this in the bud from the get go, instead of letting everyone make plans and only telling me after everything is finalized.

How do I continue on when I feel so enraged at these people?

 

[Hollynesss]

You are in a completely unfair position, and you are right, it should have never gotten this far. It is your home, and if you are seriously uncomfortable with having people you don't know very well staying in it in your absence, then it shouldn't even be a question, these people should not be allowed to stay. I get that these people are his family, but if the coin was flipped and your husband was uncomfortable with your distant relatives staying, I'm sure you would take his feelings seriously. It would be completely different if they had ASKED you, but nobody did, and that is not right.

If I were you, I would put all of my valuables in my room, hide them in the back of the closet, lock up the room and take the key with you. If they get upset, tough shit, its your house and your most private room!

You have been a champ about this, seriously. Try to enjoy your vacation as best you can, and make it VERY CLEAR to your DH that if he ever allows his family to pull this bullshit again, there is going to be some serious issues. You have a right to know who is in your home, and looking ahead, around your children. Try to relax, get your drink on, and let this pass. You have a right to be upset, but life is short, try not to let it consume you too much.

When you do get pregnant, it would not be at all out of line for you to have a talk with your MIL about how strongly you feel as the mother about having people you don't know around your baby. She was a first time mom of a newborn once, hopefully she will remember what it is like!

 

[Cntrygal]

I am absolutely no help at all, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. My MIL irritates the pee-waddens out of me more than not. In the larger scheme of things, I guess I'm "lucky" in the in-law sense. But it seems like its always one thing after another that gets under my skin with her. I have yet to get to a point that I just tell her off, but I've warned DH that when that day comes, it will happen. Does your DH see that he should have handled it differently? If so, maybe just get through this and know that if it happens again it will be handled differently.

Is there anything you can do to help yourself be at peace with the situation? Pack up any personal items and hide them away marked Christmas. Buy some plastic mattress covers and put them on the beds for your guests to use/buy cheap-o pillows for them to use for peace of mind? Maybe compromise with DH that when you get back you hire someone to deep clean your house?

I wish I could be of more help. Try not to let this ruin your vacation.