Post mortem results due next week

[Babydaydreams]

Hi

I lost my baby son at 21 weeks unexpectedly after my cervix shortened. My waters popped and he came minutes later. I didn't experience any kind of labour and only had pressure and general achey feeling before hand.

Well that was 9 weeks ago and we are due to see the head consultant next week for the postmortem results and hopefully some clue of why this happened and how to prevent it next time. I am literally dreading the appointment. The worse possible thing will be to hear that there was nothing wrong with my baby and that my body just ejected him for no reason. I feel so much guilt and so much anger too. I was at the hospital 24 hours before (being seen by same consultant) and no warning that anything was imminent but equally no offer of an emergency stitch or anything.

I have 1 or 2 questions to put it mildly!!

Please can someone tell me what there experiences were of this type of appointment. I am worried we will be rushed in and out and my concerns will be brushed under the carpet.

I am so heartbroken and fed up of everyone. I went back to work this week and just can't concentrate. I just want to speak to someone and find out some answers. No-one said anything to me the whole time I was in hospital (3 days) and I have had zero follow-up once I came home. I just feel abandoned and empty.

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

Hi hun, very sorry for your loss.

I don't know what happened in your case, but what happened to me was similar.

I woke up one morning at 17+2 and didn't feel well, DH insisted that I needed to go to the hospital and took me. They noted my shortening cervix and put in a stitch. The next day I was being handed my release papers when my water broke. They had to do an emergency stitch removal as to not damage my cervix (which was opening quickly) and my baby was born at 17+3. There was no previous indication that anything was wrong and I had a scan at around 17 weeks that showed everything was normal. I was also tested for infection and it was negative.

When we got our results they told us there were signs of chronic inflammation in the uterine lining, sac and waters. I was not infected and neither was my baby, but all around him was. My body expelled the infected material and took my baby with it. While we now had a reason, we don't know when or how the infection got there; was it before or after I went into labour? My baby would have suffered and eventually died in that environment.

At your appointment, your pain and grief should be taken seriously. They should try to address all of your questions and give you the time you need to ask them. You may want to write down some of your questions because if they do start giving you information it might be difficult to think. But it's also important to understand that you may not get answers or closure. I got referrals to counselors and was told what to expect if I should fall pregnant again.

As with all appointments, you are your advocate. If there is something you need or want you will need to speak up. If you don't know right now what you need, consider asking now who you are to contact if/when you figure it out.

All doctors and offices are different, so one experience can vary greatly from another. My doctor and his office staff treated me with compassion and respect. I was not made to wait in the waiting room with the other pregnant patients and was taken in to see the doctor as soon as I arrived.

I'm sorry you are going through this, it's not something anyone should have to go through.

 

[loves_cookies]

We didn't have a post mortem on my son, but my circumstances are similar to yours and I had a postnatal appointment that went through various other test results.

My waters went with no warning at 19+4. Went to the hospital and was already 4cm dilated and he was born 12 hours later. My was found to be Chorioamnionitis, me, the sac and placenta were all severely infected and whilst Alexander wasn't the cord showed inflammation so he wouldn't have survived much longer. I don't know how the infection got there and i' worried that my cervix was already opening which allowed infection in so i'll be asking them for regular checks when i'm pregnant again. Like you I feel incredibly guilty that my body expelled him to save itself, it goes against what you're supposed to do as a parent. It might be worth investigating some counselling of some sort? I'm still on the waiting list despite my referral being expedited to the top of the list, but i'm really hoping it helps.

Write your questions and feelings down beforehand and don't let them rush you, this is your chance for closure. I've previously had a 1st trimester loss and found that this time doctors were far more compassionate over the loss of my son. It's sad that there is no aftercare plan for miscarriages in general, doctors may see it everyday, but for us it's a major traumatic life event.

I returned to work after 2 months, but I found I didn't start to feel better until after the postnatal appointment. The first 48 hours afterwards were like being thrown back in time to when it had just happened, but after that I found I could start to look forward I guess. I'm nearly 3 months post now and there are still tough days, but I'm starting to have some good ones again too. It takes a while to settle back into it but I think working has helped me.

 

[Babydaydreams]

Hi hun, very sorry for your loss.

I don't know what happened in your case, but what happened to me was similar.

I woke up one morning at 17+2 and didn't feel well, DH insisted that I needed to go to the hospital and took me. They noted my shortening cervix and put in a stitch. The next day I was being handed my release papers when my water broke. They had to do an emergency stitch removal as to not damage my cervix (which was opening quickly) and my baby was born at 17+3. There was no previous indication that anything was wrong and I had a scan at around 17 weeks that showed everything was normal. I was also tested for infection and it was negative.

When we got our results they told us there were signs of chronic inflammation in the uterine lining, sac and waters. I was not infected and neither was my baby, but all around him was. My body expelled the infected material and took my baby with it. While we now had a reason, we don't know when or how the infection got there; was it before or after I went into labour? My baby would have suffered and eventually died in that environment.

At your appointment, your pain and grief should be taken seriously. They should try to address all of your questions and give you the time you need to ask them. You may want to write down some of your questions because if they do start giving you information it might be difficult to think. But it's also important to understand that you may not get answers or closure. I got referrals to counselors and was told what to expect if I should fall pregnant again.

As with all appointments, you are your advocate. If there is something you need or want you will need to speak up. If you don't know right now what you need, consider asking now who you are to contact if/when you figure it out.

All doctors and offices are different, so one experience can vary greatly from another. My doctor and his office staff treated me with compassion and respect. I was not made to wait in the waiting room with the other pregnant patients and was taken in to see the doctor as soon as I arrived.

I'm sorry you are going through this, it's not something anyone should have to go through.

Thank you for replying. I think my situation is pretty similar to yours as I felt unwell and half an hour after arriving at the hospital my baby was born. He lived for 2 hours which I'm learning is a long time for a baby at 21 weeks and this just hurts even more knowing that he looked so perfect and was strong enough to hold on that long. I know at the time the staff treating me said something about the fact they didn't think it was an infection but I don't think they had tested anything to form that opinion. Maybe I will find out for sure on Thursday at this appointment.

As I have read around it all over the last couple of months I have felt very angry that the consultant didn't even offer me an emergency stitch when he measured my cervix to be so short. I felt sure this would have given my baby a chance....but now I have read your story, I'm not so sure. I guess I could have still lost him and also potentially harmed myself if the stitch had torn. I had maybe 5 minutes between my waters breaking and my baby being born so no time to get a stitch removed, especially as there was no doctor or midwife in the room with us when it all happened! I didn't even get examined till after I had my baby.

I am hoping the consultant will be considerate and answer all my questions. I know he is the 'top' consultant in fetal medicine and runs his own private practice. I guess I am searching for a reason, I don't think so I can blame anyone necessarily, but more so I can hopefully prevent it happening again. I just find it so annoying that I almost have to be an expert on the subject so I can question any potentially duff info and fight my corner for better treatment going forward.

 

[Babydaydreams]

We didn't have a post mortem on my son, but my circumstances are similar to yours and I had a postnatal appointment that went through various other test results.

My waters went with no warning at 19+4. Went to the hospital and was already 4cm dilated and he was born 12 hours later. My was found to be Chorioamnionitis, me, the sac and placenta were all severely infected and whilst Alexander wasn't the cord showed inflammation so he wouldn't have survived much longer. I don't know how the infection got there and i' worried that my cervix was already opening which allowed infection in so i'll be asking them for regular checks when i'm pregnant again. Like you I feel incredibly guilty that my body expelled him to save itself, it goes against what you're supposed to do as a parent. It might be worth investigating some counselling of some sort? I'm still on the waiting list despite my referral being expedited to the top of the list, but i'm really hoping it helps.

Write your questions and feelings down beforehand and don't let them rush you, this is your chance for closure. I've previously had a 1st trimester loss and found that this time doctors were far more compassionate over the loss of my son. It's sad that there is no aftercare plan for miscarriages in general, doctors may see it everyday, but for us it's a major traumatic life event.

I returned to work after 2 months, but I found I didn't start to feel better until after the postnatal appointment. The first 48 hours afterwards were like being thrown back in time to when it had just happened, but after that I found I could start to look forward I guess. I'm nearly 3 months post now and there are still tough days, but I'm starting to have some good ones again too. It takes a while to settle back into it but I think working has helped me.

Hello, and sorry for your loss.

I agree it is a massively traumatic experience that we have been through. It all just seems to play in a loop in my head and I start to question every little thing - like should I have gone to hospital at first sign of pressure?! Aargh! so easy to beat ourselves up but no way to predict what was going to happen. Even my other half was reluctant to drive us all the way up to the hospital as he didn't think it could be anything serious. Its just shocking even now to think its possible to give birth without any contractions or big pain.

I had 2 months off work and this first week has been tough but finding this forum and reading about other experiences has really helped. I think I have talked my hubby to death about it all and I kinda gets the impression he isn't really up for talking at length about it anymore which I understand. He has been so good and he also suggested maybe I need to look into counselling too. My body has failed me so much in recent years and I honestly thought this pregnancy was the first thing to go right in such a long time. I actually let my guard down and now I'm kicking myself for thinking it could have turned out ok

The appointment for the post mortem is Thursday so only 3 more days at work till then, and I have booked the day and next day off as leave because I'm expecting to be quite emotional again for a few days.

 

[Mummy of Ange]

I went through a similar experience to this with my twins back in 2010. I had a normal routine scan on Christmas Eve and all was well. I was 23+4. I went to bed Christmas Eve and woke up at 4am and my waters broke. No contractions, no pains, just tons and tons of water on the bathroom floor.

We went straight to the hospital and I had both my boys, James lived for 8 hours and Jack for 15 minutes. They were both so perfect in everyway.

I had a follow up appointment in the March about what happened. Being honest it was a total waste of time in my experience. I was sat waiting about for an hour past my appointment time because the consultant was in theatre. he came in with his coat on and basically said I had a premature rupture of the membranes and nothing could be done. They said it happens spontaneously and that is why nothing was noticed at my scan 12 hours earlier.

I felt completely fobbed off. I got into my head that I couldn't carry babies because my body would just reject them. They were perfect in everyway, it was my body that made my waters go.

That was over 7 years ago and I have since gone on to have 2 daughters who are 5 and 3 and I am currently pregnant with No.3.

I was monitored very closely with my next pregnancy, they thought I might of needed a stitch in my cervix but I didn't, I had no problems at all.

As cruel as it is, these things just happen out of the blue. Its so difficult. I have never enjoyed a pregnancy since.

I hope you get the answers you are looking for. Thinking of you at this difficult time xx

 

[Babydaydreams]

An update.....

The appointment went ok. We didn’t see the head consultant like we expected but I think that was because he had been involved in my care immediately before my loss and they were worried we would see him as being to blame. His colleague was very nice and it was obvious she was thinking very carefully how to explain things and have a honest discussion.

Upshot is there was nothing wrong with our baby and it was down to the fact my cervix opened unexpectedly. Even though I was scanned the day before and the head was seen to be very low and I had a short cervix, the consultant hadn’t suspected at the time that anything was imminent.

For future pregnancies they have said I can have a preventative stitch and progesterone suppositories from week 12 onwards.