Pregnancy really doesn't feel like I thought it would...

[babyplease01]

Hi everybody,
I'm 23 and I'm almost 7 weeks, and I am SO CONFUSED about my feelings. I know, I know. Bear with me.
My symptoms haven't been bad at all. I'm super tired all the time and I don't feel great, but I've only thrown up like twice so far and I have good days and bad days. All things considered though, I'm probably pretty lucky. It could be wayyyy worse.
And I've always wanted a baby. I've loved this kid for years, and I'm absolutely crazy about my DF, so why don't I feel just deleriously happy?? My child is growing inside me, he/she actually exists now in real life, so why don't I feel like I'm falling in love?? Has anyone else felt like this?? Will it get better when the munchkin starts to grow and I can see and feel her??

Thanks for your time, and congrats to you all!!!

 

[squishmich]

Personally, that moment of 'not being real' still comes and goes for me, even at 8 weeks. I think that's entirely normal...you know, hormones and all.

Some days we're deliriously happy and other days, we're just...blah. I think the further we go down this remarkable journey and we hit milestones (like hearing heartbeat, seeing movement, feeling movement) it becomes more real and maybe you'll find your feelings change. I literally am terrified to feel it move, but I do know when I saw that heart beating on the ultrasound my own heart melted a bit.

To have off days is OK but if you're consistently having them, it might be good to talk to a doctor or professional about that. Wishing you all the best.

 

[babyplease01]

Thank you for your reply, squishmich. I don't think I feel depressed all the time, I just thought it would be different. I thought I would feel like a mommy and that my baby would be my world from day one. I am excited, I daydream about holding her and feeding her and the birth and all that. I'm happy, but it's like my emotions don't match what I really think. It's so confusing.
I have my first ultrasound next week. I'm hoping that heartbeat will change things. :/ Pregnancy is weird.

 

[CrystalJMM]

I know what you mean. I thought after TTC for so long that once it finally happened I'd be on cloud 9 for the next 9 months but I've felt little more than fear of something going wrong since I saw that .

Makes for a less than enjoyable experience but I'm hoping once I see that heartbeat everything will change. I hope the same for you. Maybe you have some fear that something will go wrong as well and this is your way of keeping yourself from getting too excited?

 

[babyplease01]

Absolutely, crystaljmm. I'm so scared of something going wrong. That's a good thought, maybe that's why. This really is terrifying, isn't it??

 

[squishmich]

Thank you for your reply, squishmich. I don't think I feel depressed all the time, I just thought it would be different. I thought I would feel like a mommy and that my baby would be my world from day one. I am excited, I daydream about holding her and feeding her and the birth and all that. I'm happy, but it's like my emotions don't match what I really think. It's so confusing.
I have my first ultrasound next week. I'm hoping that heartbeat will change things. :/ Pregnancy is weird.

Hey, no problem! That's what we're here for, right?!
I know, it's totally weird. If you haven't already started reading "What to Expect when you're Expecting" it's a great read. Talks lots about feelings and such. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Hope all goes well for you on your first scan. I know I was absolutely terrified going to my first scan, but after hearing and seeing all is well - it put my mind at ease and helped me to relax a little.

 

[babyplease01]

I am reading it. I'm reading everything. Constantly. Obsessively, even. That's really the only thing I can do!! I can't even buy too much stuff yet. And growing a baby is kind of a passive process, so that leaves way too much time to think. And I'm having way too much trouble thinking about nursing school, which is what I need to be thinking about. welcome to motherhood, I guess??

 

[CrystalJMM]

Absolutely, crystaljmm. I'm so scared of something going wrong. That's a good thought, maybe that's why. This really is terrifying, isn't it??

It really is. But we have to try and think of the joy too. This is such an amazing thing and the odds really are with us that everything will work out perfectly. But I'm here if you need to talk.

 

[misspriss]

I know how you feel, it's kind of hard in the early weeks and months. When you start feeling the baby, that makes it seem a lot more real. This being my second, I don't have all the time to think I did with my first (thank goodness!) but it still seems...I just don't feel it yet I guess. I mean I know I'm pregnant, but it will be different when I have a bump, and I can feel the baby and stuff. I missed out on a good part of that part of pregnancy with DS (he was born at 33 weeks). I can't wait to feel this one move!

 

[pansorie]

I wouldn't expect pregnancy to be a deliriously happy bed and roses time. We all have our ups and downs. This is my first planned pregnancy. My son was completely unwanted, sadly to the point I had scheduled an 'appointment', but ended up not being able to go through it. Best decision I have made in my entire life.

But even with this planned pregnancy I find myself wondering "wow, am I making the right decision here?" and then I realize, well, too late to question that!

I think it just comes with the territory, and hormones might have a huge play in your feelings of conflict.

 

[Maidenet]

I'm going to be honest here.

I was desperate for my girl and desperate for another.

Only thing being I'm not a maternal person. I love my daughter to pieces but I couldn't spend 24/7 with her. I'd go insane lol.

When I was pregnant last time i wasn't over whelmed with feelings of love. Not everyone thinks or feels that way
Just people are more likely to gush on about loving their bump and unborn child than say hey I'm not infatuated with him/her yet.

It's quiet hard to form a love for something you can't see yet as well xx

 

[babyplease01]

Appreciate the insight, misspriss. I've been thinking when I have a bump and it seems real that I'll feel like I think I should. But so far there hasn't been much that's been like I thought it would be. I just want my baby to be healthy and happy.

You ladies are awesome. I actually feel a lot better talking things over. Thanks so much to all of you!!!!

 

[babyplease01]

I'm going to be honest here.

I was desperate for my girl and desperate for another.

Only thing being I'm not a maternal person. I love my daughter to pieces but I couldn't spend 24/7 with her. I'd go insane lol.

When I was pregnant last time i wasn't over whelmed with feelings of love. Not everyone thinks or feels that way
Just people are more likely to gush on about loving their bump and unborn child than say hey I'm not infatuated with him/her yet.

It's quiet hard to form a love for something you can't see yet as well xx

Theres probably a lot of truth in that. I just expected to be totally infatuated and I can't understand why I'm not. I'm a VERY maternal person. (At least I thought I was.)

 

[Maidenet]

So did I if I'm honest. I was gutted I wasn't feeling it... Until I asked people and more often than not most people felt the same way xx

 

[whattoexpect]

With my daughter I worried pretty well 24/7 until I could feel her moving, then worried about whether it was enough/too much. LOL

I think it is part of motherhood. There is no rationalizing feelings for your baby, before or after they are born!

What you are feeling is normal and in time you may connect more with your bump or you may not.

I was one that didn't really fell connected to her until she was a few weeks old. She didn't come out and I was "so in love" like other women are.

I was so terrified that something would happen to her that I didn't let myself get attached. And I do feel like I missed out on some of that pregnancy, but its how I felt and there was no changing it.

I can tell you that there is nothing more powerful now than my love for my daughter....it just sort of clicked for me one day and she is the reason I breathe.

I am pregnant again and to be honest I feel much more relaxed this time. I do still think of the what ifs, but I also feel like I've been here before and its normal. If the unthinkable were to happen to my bean there is nothing more I could have done.

Best of luck to you!! I'm sure everything will be fine and you will find your connection when the time is right for you

 

[MummyToAmberx]

Sounds totally normal first 12w can be a big emotional rollercoaster

 

[JumpingIn]

I feel exactly the same way. I've wanted nothing more than to be a mummy for the past 3 years at least, and I was sure that once I was pregnant I'd be in a constant state of joy. Ha!

My whole life has shut down. I fall asleep at random times. I don't feel like socialising. The nausea is horrible. But more than that, it's not been joyful like I thought...I'm so utterly grateful to have our little bean and can't wait for all that's to come, I'm still desperate for our son or daughter...but honestly, a lot of the time this stage sucks. I too have been worried almost constantly. I'm finally relaxing since having seen the heartbeat and I was thrilled, but then my symptoms ramped up, stopped me working and studying and basically put my life on hold. Honestly, it's a struggle to do anything but housework in short bursts and eat ginger biscuits.

You're not alone! It doesn;t mean we're doing anything wrong...it means we were naive!

 

[babyplease01]

I feel exactly the same way. I've wanted nothing more than to be a mummy for the past 3 years at least, and I was sure that once I was pregnant I'd be in a constant state of joy. Ha!

My whole life has shut down. I fall asleep at random times. I don't feel like socialising. The nausea is horrible. But more than that, it's not been joyful like I thought...I'm so utterly grateful to have our little bean and can't wait for all that's to come, I'm still desperate for our son or daughter...but honestly, a lot of the time this stage sucks. I too have been worried almost constantly. I'm finally relaxing since having seen the heartbeat and I was thrilled, but then my symptoms ramped up, stopped me working and studying and basically put my life on hold. Honestly, it's a struggle to do anything but housework in short bursts and eat ginger biscuits.

You're not alone! It doesn;t mean we're doing anything wrong...it means we were naive!

Thank you so much, jumping in!! I'm sorry your symptoms are so rough. Love and hugs!!!

 

[babyplease01]

With my daughter I worried pretty well 24/7 until I could feel her moving, then worried about whether it was enough/too much. LOL

I think it is part of motherhood. There is no rationalizing feelings for your baby, before or after they are born!

What you are feeling is normal and in time you may connect more with your bump or you may not.

I was one that didn't really fell connected to her until she was a few weeks old. She didn't come out and I was "so in love" like other women are.

I was so terrified that something would happen to her that I didn't let myself get attached. And I do feel like I missed out on some of that pregnancy, but its how I felt and there was no changing it.

I can tell you that there is nothing more powerful now than my love for my daughter....it just sort of clicked for me one day and she is the reason I breathe.

I am pregnant again and to be honest I feel much more relaxed this time. I do still think of the what ifs, but I also feel like I've been here before and its normal. If the unthinkable were to happen to my bean there is nothing more I could have done.

Best of luck to you!! I'm sure everything will be fine and you will find your connection when the time is right for you

That's a really smart way of looking at it. I just really want to connect!! I always have, and it's so frustrating not to feel it!! I feel like i'm just..... inhabited. And my hormones hate me. :/ I can't wait to get my bump and feel my munchkin moving around.

 

[Eleanor ace]

It is really hard to feel connected to a little person you can't see, hear, feel or have any tangible link to- I thought that having a baby inside me would be enough to feel connected but it wasn't, in the early days. I desperately wanted my LO and was so in love with the idea of my baby, but it wasn't until I got my bump, started feeling LO move and could see him on the scans that it felt real and I felt connected to him. With my DD I didn't feel bonded during pregnancy which shocked me she was very much planned for and wanted and I worried it would mean I wouldn't bond with her when she arrived. But I did, as soon as I met her. It is easy to have expectations of what pregnancy will be like and how you'll feel but if it isn't how you expected it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or that you won't feel that way further along