Pregnant after miscarriage.... reactions to announcements are SO weird

[Lues]

I just half wanted to vent and half wondered if others have similar experiences.

I had a miscarriage back in June at around 6 and a half weeks. I'll be ten weeks on Monday and this weekend (over Thanksgiving) we decided to tell a few choice family members. We've had multiple wonderful scans so far and we feel really good about things. Our family had known about the miscarriage. (one or two had known we were pregnant, and when I had the miscarriage, word spread fast)

Everyone's reaction is SO weird to me.

I know most people don't know as much about fertility and early pregnancy as we do (after years of TTC, and treatment), AND I totally acknowledge that the fact is, NO ONE's reaction is ever going to live up to how excited WE are.

But I have to admit. It's disappointing. People are VERY guarded and their reactions are completely lackluster and even the little bit they do say seems forced. Almost no one has even said the word "congratulations". They just look at me with this half happy/half pity look say something like "that's great" and generally within about 90 seconds, the topic has been changed.

I know they mean well and I know they just aren't sure what to say. But I expected that when I told people I was almost through my first trimester, they'd get more excited, realizing our risk of miscarriage is so much lower now. But no one really reacts.

Don't get me wrong. I'M HAVING A BABY!!!!!! So really.... who the hell cares???? lol.

But to be perfectly honest, I can't help but be a bit disappointed.

Anyone else had anything similar?

 

[Amygdala]

I can relate. I had a miscarriage before my first (which family knew about) and when we announced the pregnancy at 10 weeks (at Christmas and after three reassuring scans), my SIL said "oh, I thought people didn't announce that kind of thing until 12 weeks, in case something goes wrong." I cried. But then she was equally unimpressed by our second announcement and I'm positive that her reaction to our third will be worse. :-/

 

[Lil_Pixie]

Yep.

We've had two mmcs since having our son and we're on a drug trial now to try to prevent another one so our family and close friends know all about it.

My family are happy for us in that they want for us to have our second child, but they are all avoiding it for the time being. They'll ask how I'm feeling but not mention that there's going to be a baby at all.

My mum suggested after my last perfect scan that I not get too excited just in case and my sister suggested even if everything is fine at our 12 week scan it's probably a good idea to not announce the pregnancy to other people or our son till after the 20 week scan just to be sure.

They're trying to protect me I suppose but it doesn't help me at all. This is our last pregnancy and I don't want to pretend it isn't happening till 20 weeks. And trying not to get excited wouldn't help me at all I'd we lost this one too. They have never suffered a loss and they have no clue really. They are supporting me how they feel they should and I just have to love them for trying for me and ignore them

 

[Lues]

Ugh yeah.

Yesterday... someone I expected to be over the moon had little to no reaction. Hoping to get even as much as a smile or "yay" I said that we are doing the Panorama blood test which means we'll find out the sex of the baby in just a week or two.

She said, "really? you sure you want to find out and get that attached?"

I just nodded and looked away. I mean, we've been trying for 3 and a half years now, I've had 4 scans and about 15 blood tests in the past 10 weeks. Believe me. WE'RE ALREADY ATTACHED!!!!

Again.... I want to point out that I know these people mean well, and that I also need to remind myself that no one is going to be anywhere NEAR as excited as we are.

But it's nice to vent a bit.

 

[joo]

First thing MIL said to me was,"Don't over do it this time"

Could have cried there and then. They probably (hopefully) just don't realise how insensitive they're being. Xx

 

[Lues]

Oh joo.. that's a bad one. As if we have ANY control. What a rough (and uninformed!) thing to say.

Agreed they don't realize.

I didn't predict these type of reactions at all, especially since we're at the 10 week mark. It's comforting to hear other similar stories as well.

 

[Rhiannon137]

People tend to not really think about the words they are saying. It's also normal for people to not be sure how you want them to react. I've gotten a few weird reactions, and it seems almost like people are not sure how happy they should be. Sometimes the best option is to just tell them the type of support/reaction you need - especially if it's family or close friends. Something along the lines of:

We're very excited and optimistic, and we wanted to share that with you. Denying ourselves joy now won't protect us from sadness later if that's what is meant to be.

 

[wonderstruck]

Most of the people I've told so far have been super surprised followed by excited/happy but a few have had weird/unexpected reactions. One of my best friends responded with "seriously?" then asked me if I was happy about it and proceeded to change the subject. I don't think people realize how personally our hormonal selves take their reactions lol. I'm just hoping and praying from a good reaction from my family. That's what I'm most nervous about.