Pregnant bridesmaid

[fask]

I need some advice.
I am the selfish bridesmaid that got pregnant. Well i was the bridesmaid.
My sister is getting married at the end of June when i will be 31weeks pregnant, she bought the dresses ages ago and i didnt plan on becoming pregnant at the time, but it happened.
The dresses are really tight fitting at the top then go out at the waste (corset style) so there is no way i could wear the dress.
Ive asked my sister if i could pay for a new dress she picked out near the time and she has said no. I wear that or i will just be a guest. But it is impossible. My other sister and her friend are the other bridesmaids.
We havent spoken for a week now which isnt like us as we are really close, i had my 1st scan on wednesday and didnt even hear off her about that.
Im not sure what to do. Am i in the wrong?
Help please : (

 

[NuKe]

YOU'RE the selfish one?? im sorry but i got married last year and if i was your sister the most important thing would be that you were my bridesmaid, even if you had to wear a sack. please try and not get upset. for some people it's about the show of it and not actually the sentiment of getting married. i think she's been horrible to you. if you think it would be better and less hassle to bow out now i think that would be wise, to save upset down the line. because there's no way you'll be fitting in that dress @ 31 weeks! do u think it would be worth having a heart to heart?

 

[fask]

Its very strange as its not like my sister at all.

She has turned into bridezilla! She hasnt even invited our aunties and uncles as she wants to keep money (my mum and dads money) over for a 2 grand honeymoon!

Dunno if i should contact her or just leave it and see if she ever sees sense, which i know she wont shes said she wants us wear identical dresses or the pictures will look crap!!

You think she would be happy to have big a fat bridesmaid

 

[kiki04]

That is downright awful for her to say that to you

 

[Jin]

Yeah I agree with Nuke. I got married in July and my MOH was 8 months pregnant. She just wore a long black maxi dress (that she had chosen because it was comfortable) and some flipflops lol. My colour scheme was ivory and burgundy so I just got my other bridesmaid and MOH a black shrug type thing. By the time they both wore that and had matching boquets ect they tied in quite well together, but even if they hadn't, the most important thing for me was that she was beside me on my wedding day.

You're not being selfish at all. These things happen and she should be happy for you as you are for her.

 

[citymouse]

You haven't done anything wrong!

I would advise to just tell her the reality of the situation--that you can't wear the dress, that you're sorry to have disappointed her, and that you will gracefully bow out of your bridesmaid duties if that's her preference.

Take the high road and you will never have regrets. She, on the other hand, will wake up the day after her wedding and be like, "OMG, wtf did I do?" and spend the rest of her life making it up to you.

Try not to take it personally, weddings do make people insane. It's not a good excuse, but I'm sure she doesn't mean to be hurtful. The less of a big deal you make about it, the easier it will be to patch things up later. If it were just a friend, I'd say you don't need that person in your life, but we all need our sisters!

Just think of all the pain in the neck stuff you get out of by not being a bridesmaid!

 

[mamaduke]

I'm thankful my little sister (1) had a kid before me and (2) isn't a bridezilla. My sister is marrying her son's father at the end of April. Early in the wedding planning stages, I found out that I was pregnant and due a couple weeks before their wedding. I had texted her to let her know that I had a welcome surprise that would make it a bit complicated for me to be in her wedding but a challenge I'd be up to. She came over, crying and worried that I was dropping out of her wedding. Once she heard that I was due just before her wedding, she was ecstatic.

This matron of honor will be wearing a maternity dress up on the altar, one that has a color that comes close to my sister's colors!

I agree with citymouse - take the high road. If it's all about how the bridesmaids look rather than *who* is up there supporting her, that's her choice.

 

[dustbunny]

Maybe she is worried that after all the effort she has put in she feels that her day will be overtaken by people asking you about your pregnancy, thus taking the attention away. I know it doesn't make her right or her actions acceptable but I can understand to an extent why she might initially be a little annoyed... especially if she is one for detailed planning. However if you have offered to buy a new dress which matches as best as possible the original and the other bridesmaids then I do not see why she would continue to be in a mood. Maybe you could do a bit of research into dresses and send her a selection of what you think would look good but stress that you have only sent her them to try and help out. I would try and speak to her or else the situation might snowball... it is easy to not talk and continue to not talk.

I hope I haven't sounded mean, it was not my intention and I do think your sister is throwing an unneeded hissy fit.

 

[emzy_11]

I am MOH to my BFF wedding in June and I will be 28 weeks. We always new I was planning to be pregnant and she has been fantastic. Lucky for me she has decided on different dresses for us bridesmaids all varying shades of blue. So I can go to my friend who is a dressmaker closer to the date and get mine made. All the dresses in the shops were hideous.
Unfortunately ur sister has her priorities wrong. It is not what everyone wears at your wedding but rather who is standing up there with you. After my wedding I have never looked back on the photos and thought about the dresses.... I always just smile at who is in the photos with me. She will soon realise what is important... It just may be too late by then though. Who wouldn't want a beautifull pregnant lady up there with them...????

 

[Mrs Eleflump]

Weddings turn even your loveliest family members into raving lunatics...I experienced this as the bride a year and a half ago. HOWEVER this does not justify your sister's behaviour one little bit! If either of my bridesmaids (friends, I haven't got any sisters) had announced a pregnancy during my engagement I'd have been bloody delighted and my only worry would have been whether or not they still wanted or were able to be my bridesmaid! Well, I would have worried about what to get them to wear, but not to the extent that I'd have said 'you're wearing this or you're not a bridesmaid'. We'd have worked something out!

Like Citymouse said, take the moral high ground, and you will regret nothing. Your sister, on the other hand, will hopefully come to her senses and realise that getting married isn't about how the photos will look (and really, would a slightly different dress and a baby bump actually make the photos look bad?!), but about her and her husband, and their lives together, and their relationship with their family and friends.

 

[beanhunter]

My little sister was meant to be getting married in sept when this little one would be around 10 weeks old and I'd been measured for dress and everything. However, our mum has been diagnosed with cancer that isn't curable so we've moved the wedding up to April so our mum will be there and I'll be 27 weeks pregnant and in a maternity dress. To be honest if she had wanted me to step down I would have done but actually having family there is the most important thing to us all.
Hope things work out for you both.

 

[Emma&Freya]

I wouldnt speak to her hun, wait until she speaks to you, its so sad that shes turned into bridzilla

 

[LisaL79]

I'd take the high road. Just tell her that you understand that she wants what she wants, and that you'll just come as a guest and help out however you can if she needs/wants it.
Hopefully if she hears that you're still offering to help out, she'll come to her senses and at least start treating you like her sister again.

 

[SamanthaYC]

I was a pregnant bridesmaid, but I was really early pregnant. Like 8 weeks, I believe? Everybody was worried I was going to throw up all over them...but I think the most important thing should be is that you are there with her, and she should realize that.

 

[Gia7777]

Im sorry you are going through this. Since she is so 'stuck' on the dress, is there any way that the dress can be altered to include a maternity panel?? Most bridesmaids dresses are very long and have to be shortened but instead of shortening it with a little redesign from an experienced seamstress it likely can be altered to accomodate your belly. And if this is your first baby at 31 weeks you MAY not have as big a belly as you would think.

 

[blkhairbeauty]

like said above, weddings turn people into monsters hun! Last year when i was prego my sister planned her wedding to be when I was 35 weeks pregnant. She picked the shoes out and when it came down to the day, i was so swollen i had to wear flipflops! She threw a HUGE fit about it. around a year later she told me sorry for being unreasonable.

I would just try and talk to her a little more about it, and if that doesnt work maybe try and alter the dress to where you can have panels put in to essentially "stretch" the dress but keeping it the same Good luck dear

 

[Wildfire81]

That sure does not seem very nice! It might be best for you to sit this one out, than to get stressed while pregnant. Just enjoy your cake! (boy, what I would do for some wedding cake *drool*)

 

[MiissMuffet]

Don't get upset hun, you are totally not in the wrong here x

 

[Lucky2BMummy]

You're not being selfish! you need to tell your sister and explain that you didnt do this to take that attention off her. If she really wants you to be in the wedding then she'll find a dress that will fit youa nd match the rest of the bridesmaids, and if she is upset then you'll be a guest. either way you'll be there to support her - make that clear!
I found out i was pregnant on the day my best friend (of 23 years) got proposed to. We live in australia and as her fiance is american, they will be getting married in the states. She is upset that i wont be able to come over for the wedding in march (i'm high risk pregnancy so cant fly) so she said she'll be having another wedding in Australia the week before my due date. I'm going to be a 39 week pregnant maid of honor! The dresses she's chosen are also tight so i'm gunna have to wear something different.

 

[Lucky2BMummy]

BTW you asking to wear a dress that would fit a pregnant lady is perfectly reasonable! unlike one of my bridesmaids who asked me to change my wedding as she wanted to go to a concert haha