Pregnant during the peak of your career?

[shudknow]

Hi,

I have been very curious about this and wanted to know opinions all of you here who are working and are in busy careers and how you ladies think this will impact your work/pregancy/caring for a new born etc?

I am an engineer and my daily routine involves a lot of meetings and a lot of work that needs to be done. On top of all of this, I also manage a few people under me. I am always concerned how my work will impact my pregnancy and beyond ? Specifically, I fear the work-stress getting to me. Having said that, I know I can speak to my manager and reduce my work-load but at the same time I am scared that I might lose onto this leader role that I am in right now. What if I come back from my maternity leave and see someone else doing my job and I am not put back to the same position that I was in? Something I am concerned about and wanted to know if any of you ladies have similar concerns?

And amidst all of this, I am 100% sure that I am not going to push out my TTC plans just because of this. Having a family and raising it is definitely more important for me but at the same time, the ambitious side of me kicks in creating this worries. Am I stupid to think so much or does it make sense?

 

[Mrs. Tigger]

Hi,

I have been very curious about this and wanted to know opinions all of you here who are working and are in busy careers and how you ladies think this will impact your work/pregancy/caring for a new born etc?

I am an engineer and my daily routine involves a lot of meetings and a lot of work that needs to be done. On top of all of this, I also manage a few people under me. I am always concerned how my work will impact my pregnancy and beyond ? Specifically, I fear the work-stress getting to me. Having said that, I know I can speak to my manager and reduce my work-load but at the same time I am scared that I might lose onto this leader role that I am in right now. What if I come back from my maternity leave and see someone else doing my job and I am not put back to the same position that I was in? Something I am concerned about and wanted to know if any of you ladies have similar concerns?

And amidst all of this, I am 100% sure that I am not going to push out my TTC plans just because of this. Having a family and raising it is definitely more important for me but at the same time, the ambitious side of me kicks in creating this worries. Am I stupid to think so much or does it make sense?

I am in a somewhat similar situation -- I also work as an engineer and lead a small team of engineers. I report to one of our engineering directors. I am not that worried about TTC as Denmark is such a family-friendly place and it is so very normal/common for women with strong careers to have pregnancies and take a lot of maternity leave.

My only real concern is making sure that I've set my team up to function well without my in my absence and staying engaged so everything is not completely different when I come back, as I will be taking 7 months total (4 weeks before and 6 weeks after). I expect I won't be able to check out 100% like many women do while on leave, but will probably need to have a weekly, or bi-weekly, call with my team to stay up-to-date. I build this entire area of our engineering team and the team itself from almost nothing over the last years so it is also a 'baby' of mine in a way ;-) I don't really worry about my work impacting my health while I am pregnant, but I do worry about my ability to mentally dis-engage as much as I need to while I am on leave so that I can focus on the health of myself and baby.

 

[shudknow]

I don't really worry about my work impacting my health while I am pregnant, but I do worry about my ability to mentally dis-engage as much as I need to while I am on leave so that I can focus on the health of myself and baby.

Tigger,

I think you put the sentence better than I did because that is exactly what is on my mind. I live in the US (on the east coast), so maternity leaves are pretty crappy over here unlike in UK/Europe. I am also concerned that the only other person onto whose shoulders I can off-load my work will be gone as well. So, there wont be anybody who can pick it up where I left off. Not sure how that is going to affect the work. At the same time, I feel conflicted that when I am expecting (if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant soon enough), I shouldnt be investing time in my work because I have learnt over the years that no matter what, work always gets done and there is really less room to panic most of the time.

 

[bohemiangel]

Just writing in to say that I totally feel ya! Our maternity leave here in the US ranks as one of the worst out of all the developed nations My boyfriend lives in the UK and he was astonished to learn that we get a max of 12 weeks, and the leave is unpaid.

Anyway, I recently reached that point in my life where I feel like I'm at a "fork in the road" in terms of having to choose family or career. I know there are a lot of Wonder Women out there who somehow manage to do both, but with the number of hours I work each week I just don't see how I could do it! I work in medicine and just finished my residency, then landed a great job in a successful private practice. I feel so fortunate for that, but.... you know what it's like once that clock starts ticking!! It was like a switch went off, and now I can think of nothing else except BABIES!!! I suppose there's always the option of coming back to work part-time after (hopefully) any babies are born, but like you said in your original post I also worry that I wouldn't be able to have quite the same position.

Guess I'm just feeling my priorities shifting here... I've always been a very goal-oriented person, and now my goal has shifted from running a successful medical practice to being a successful mom and wife (if that's in the cards, I mean!) Here's hoping!!

 

[mewolkens]

I'm a teacher. We only get 6 weeks for a vaginal birth or 8 for a c-section. I can only pray for an easy pregnancy while teaching. I know of one who had a trash can outside her door for four months straight since we aren't allowed to leave students alone, not even for MS.

 

[Noodlebear]

Where are you from? I know when I was on Mat leave I had 10 'keep in touch' days (pretty sure it was 10, anyway). If you have something similar and you're worried about taking a big break from your career, spreading these out throughout your maternity, maybe 1 a week or 1 a fortnight, can help you to stay more involved in everything and you won't potentially miss out on any changes/progress that's made.

 

[Mrs. Tigger]

I don't really worry about my work impacting my health while I am pregnant, but I do worry about my ability to mentally dis-engage as much as I need to while I am on leave so that I can focus on the health of myself and baby.

Tigger,

I think you put the sentence better than I did because that is exactly what is on my mind. I live in the US (on the east coast), so maternity leaves are pretty crappy over here unlike in UK/Europe. I am also concerned that the only other person onto whose shoulders I can off-load my work will be gone as well. So, there wont be anybody who can pick it up where I left off. Not sure how that is going to affect the work. At the same time, I feel conflicted that when I am expecting (if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant soon enough), I shouldnt be investing time in my work because I have learnt over the years that no matter what, work always gets done and there is really less room to panic most of the time.

Mr. Tigger and I are from the US originally -- we moved to Europe for many reasons, but one of them was because I wanted an environment/society that I felt was more conducive to allowing me to be a mother while still having my career. We also don't have much family in the US and weren't very close to them anyway, so it was a pretty easy consideration for us.

In Denmark, it is quite common for new moms to take a full year off with baby -- if you work in the public sector, it is 1 year paid leave total. In the private sector you can take up to a year (or rather, you and dad have a year to split between you, etc) but how much you are paid beyond the minimum paid by the state is up to your employer. The minimum maternity leave payment is not *that* much by Danish standards -- 2.200 USD per month before taxes (I know it *really* sounds like a lot, but Copenhagen is one of the most expensive cities in the world and when you are comparing that to a professional working salary, it is quite a bit less than what you would be bringing home normally).

I plan to take only the 1 month before (required) and 6 months after (6 months is the earliest it is common to be able to put your baby in daycare here). I feel like 1 year is too long to realistically expect to be able to be away from my job where I have so much responsibility . . . and also I don't get paid my full salary for the full year anyway (only the first few months), so financially it is better.

Interestingly, one of the people on my team at work that I manage has just had a baby, so I have had a chance to watch how it is all working out for her with our company, maternity leave, etc. I know it is not the same as I am doing management work and she doesn't, but I still have found it interesting. She chose to take 7 months as well, for pretty much the same reasons (in engineering, your product and technology and what is happening in the team/company can drastically change in a short amount of time).

I am not really worried about being "replaced" . . . more worried that there is no one to do my work when I am gone I sort of have a plan of giving my responsibilities to the two most senior people on the team I have built and trying to keep in touch with them every 1-2 weeks . . . and communicating with the rest of the department that our team is not going to be taking on / processing big/new projects during the time I am gone. It is something I do worry about . . . but I know there is a solution there if I want there to be one -- I just have to work it out carefully.

Side note: I went to the hairdresser today (the one I have gone to for the past 2 years) and saw she is pregnant. 5 months. I can't help the pang of jealousy (she has only been with her boyfriend like a year or so) . . . but I am also genuinely happy for her. I have actually found that since my time is getting closer now (going off birth control pills to regulate my cycles is a big step), I am having less issues with being insanely jealous/upset of other pregnant ladies I know . . . . now it is only mild jealousy, but also curiosity/excitement.

 

[shudknow]

Just writing in to say that I totally feel ya! Our maternity leave here in the US ranks as one of the worst out of all the developed nations My boyfriend lives in the UK and he was astonished to learn that we get a max of 12 weeks, and the leave is unpaid.

Anyway, I recently reached that point in my life where I feel like I'm at a "fork in the road" in terms of having to choose family or career. I know there are a lot of Wonder Women out there who somehow manage to do both, but with the number of hours I work each week I just don't see how I could do it! I work in medicine and just finished my residency, then landed a great job in a successful private practice. I feel so fortunate for that, but.... you know what it's like once that clock starts ticking!! It was like a switch went off, and now I can think of nothing else except BABIES!!! I suppose there's always the option of coming back to work part-time after (hopefully) any babies are born, but like you said in your original post I also worry that I wouldn't be able to have quite the same position.

Guess I'm just feeling my priorities shifting here... I've always been a very goal-oriented person, and now my goal has shifted from running a successful medical practice to being a successful mom and wife (if that's in the cards, I mean!) Here's hoping!!

You are right. The maternity leave provision here in the US sucks really really bad. I wish there were more options which would make it easy for working moms or families where both parents are working and are in highly-demanding jobs.

 

[WhiteKhocol8]

Mat leave here in Australia is pretty good. Six weeks before and six weeks after - so if you time it right you can get your holidays before paid too which takes it up to 14 or 20 weeks depending on when you are due. We always have babies being born mid march from staff - it is hard to do but worth managing if you have control over it. The school is required to hold our job for us for seven years - but most come back after two or three.

For me the situation is a little different. I am on contract so no mat leave til they make me ongoing. And I don't teach in normal classroom - I'm a Montessori teacher so my students have me for three years - swapping teachers mid cycle is tough on them. The school has also invested nearly $10K in training for me, too - so I kind of feel like I need to finish my training and get a strong classroom culture going before I hand over the reigns for a year or two.

It's tough - I work an average of a ten hour day, and I hate the idea of leaving a baby in care that long each day - but I hate the idea of struggling or just not being able to give the child the opportunities we had, too.

 

[Noodlebear]

I'm really surprised at how maternity leave works out in other countries.....

 

[EmilieMina]

In Germany we also normally leave work for a year but where I live woman often stay home longer, like at least two years and that is definitely possible. I know woman who stay at home until the children go to school and then the woman just works half time.

I plan to stay home the year that we all get easily but not longer. I know woman who get pregnant during that year and then come back two tears later with two kids...

 

[tverb84]

I'm pretty sure here in Canada both parents can get paternal leave.I don't know if it's paid though.

 

[Symphony7]

I will only be two years into my teaching career when I get pregnant. But I am trying to plan a birth after the school year lets out. Then I will not be going back to work until both children are in school so around 7 years. Seems like a hugely long time! But I chose this career because I would be able to go back to it after a long break and it won't be a problem. I'll just need to keep my license up to date.

I am not career driven though so for me I never considered working while raising young children. I really like teaching because I feel like I can easily get a job around here and at the same time I am not "left behind" if I take a break unlike a lot of other jobs.

 

[MissN8]

I like my career but also want to be a mum. I didn't think employers could do anything about your position when you are on mat leave? I will likely go back full time after mat leave couldn't afford not to anyway and hopefully the grandmothers can child mind a few days to keep the costs down a bit. Child care is so expensive!