Pregnant, then not....

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Thistledown, Jan 26, 2011.

  1. Thistledown

    Thistledown Well-Known Member

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    It's been a bit of a crazy month for me. I went from a surprise positive HPT on the 15th, to being told I miscarried on the 19th. I'm sure my story is similar to others, but I really just want to get it all down somewhere. Sorry it's rather long!

    First off, a little bit about me. I'm 31 years old, and my husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We haven't been trying to get pregnant, though we're pretty relaxed about prevention (I tried BCP when we were engaged, and it gave me migraines - unfortunately quitting BCP didn't end the migraines, but that's neither here nor there). We occasionally use condoms, but usually just go with the withdrawal method. I also suspect I have endometriosis (my sister does, and I have a lot of the same symptoms) but have never bothered to have it confirmed.

    I was due to start AF around the 10th this month. I tend to vary a couple days either way, so I wasn't terribly concerned when I was late. I was having some light brown spotting and sore breasts, all which I usually get a couple days before my period, so figured it would be "any time". My OH went back to work on the 13th (he works up at a mine, and is away anywhere from 4 days to a week at a time).

    January 15th: I finally checked my calendar and realized how late I was! I did a HPT that evening, and it came up positive. Very positive - the vertical line came up within a minute and was darker than the horizontal! To say I was surprised is an understatement. A couple hours later when the shock had worn off a little, I decided to go into a walk-in clinic and get a requisition to have a blood sample taken (of course, I would chose to test on a Saturday when most everything is closed). They did a urine test too, which came up "faint", so they gave me the form for the blood test. I decided I would wait to tell my husband until he was home (we mostly text when he's at work, didn't seem like a good way to break the news! :haha:)

    January 16th: I did another HPT 1st thing in the morning, which also was a definite positive. Then I went to the only lab open on Sundays and had my blood drawn. They said I'd hear back in "a day or two".

    January 17th: The clinic doctor called, and told me my HCG level was only 55. She wanted me to get another blood test done on Tuesday, 48 hours since the previous one. I also called my family doctor and booked an apt for Tuesday morning.

    January 18th: Went to my family doctor, and they also did a urine test. For them, the test came up negative. Family doctor added his name to the new blood work request, and I went to a lab for another poke. Also picked up more HPTs. Did one later in the afternoon (after not peeing or drinking anything for 3 hours, so hard since one of my pregnancy symptoms was having to pee a LOT) and it also came out negative.

    January 19th: Woke up with cramping. Did a HPT, this time a digital, and it came up positive and "1-2 weeks". But a few hours later I started bleeding. Called my family doctor, but he was already gone for the day. The receptionist suggested I go in to the ER. The ER did blood work, and were able to get the results from my previous 2 tests. My HCG levels had gone from 55, to 12, to less than 5. The ER doc told me it looked like a miscarriage, and asked if I wanted to come back for an ultrasound the next day. I decided I would.

    January 20th: Hospital called Thursday at 7:30am to tell me there was an opening for an ultrasound at 1pm if I wanted it. Showed up with a full bladder and they did an abdominal ultrasound. Tech said there really wasn't anything to see on the abdominal scan, and since it was so early going through the abdomen could miss something. But with my permission they could do a trans-vaginal U/S. I went ahead with the trans-vaginal scan (which really was a lot less unpleasant than I expected it would be). They sent the results down to the ER doctor, and I got the verdict in a couple of hours. There was nothing left inside other than a thickened endometrial lining (which they expect to see during menstruation anyway), and my ovaries and everything look normal (at one point several years ago I did have an ovarian cyst that sorted itself out, so it was good to know it hadn't just been another cyst or something).

    My husband came home around 6pm on Thursday. I was just shaking with nerves. He knew something was up with me, and he'd actually guessed I might be pregnant, since I was late when he left for work (clever, observant man that he is!) I had to tell him that I was, but not anymore.

    I'm still not really sure what I feel about the whole situation, everything happened so fast. It has got us thinking more about starting a family. We both want kids "some day", and my OH said we'll have to talk about it "soon" now. Mostly I was surprised when I got a positive result, but I was also excited. It went so quickly from "I'm pregnant" to "I'm pregnant, maybe, what's going on??" though, that when I finally had an answer it was a relief (even if it was disappointing and not a good answer). I spent the week so stressed, waiting for for different results, waiting for OH to come home to tell him what was going on, etc.

    From what I've been reading since, it was likely a chemical pregnancy, and when I discovered I was pregnant I was probably already miscarrying (low HCG and all). I do know there's nothing I did that would have caused it - I take a multivitamin every day that's got enough folic acid and not too much vitamin A, I don't really drink, I don't even usually take pain killers other than acetaminophen.
    I'm not really sure if the bleeding I'm having now is still the miscarriage, or if it would count as the 1st period? It's been very similar to my usual periods, but then AF is usually pretty heavy and painful for me anyway. :shrug:

    I actually DO take comfort in the fact that now I know I actually can get pregnant. With my suspected endometriosis, and not being terribly careful about contraception for so long, I was really starting to think I wouldn't be able to have kids. Knowing that it's possible is actually a weight off my mind. Now that my emotions are settling down a little, I'm starting to feel really broody. I think I'm going to be ready to try to get pregnant again whenever OH is ready too!
     
  2. catcatcat

    catcatcat Well-Known Member

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    Good news is you are meant to be more fertile after a mc so go for it and chances are you will be lucky next time good luck
     
  3. xSamanthax

    xSamanthax DD1, DS1 and 1 Angel

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    Aww hun i'm so sorry for you loss :hugs: I'm really glad you can take some comfort from it though so that you now know you can get pregnant, as soon as you and your OH feel ready to you can try again, like Catcatcat said your meant to be more fertile after a MC
     
  4. ldybeowulf

    ldybeowulf Well-Known Member

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    I definitely understand what you are going through. I'm am currently going through what I think is my 2nd m/c or chemical pregnancy if you want to get really technical. I didn't even get the BFPs but I definitely found the evidence of it the first time. I had even more symptoms this time including the dark hormone line. I see the ob/gyn in a couple hours and I'm hoping we can discuss something that will allow me to stay PG since it's obvious I can get that way. Btw, I am newly diagnosised with PCOS and on metformin which is how I was able to conceive again.

    The last time I saw the doc he didn't want to put me on clomid or anything until it had been a full year since ttc. I think I will be demanding something today because if I have to go through all of the body changes followed by a m/c for the next few months, I know I'm going to be an emotional wreck by the end.

    And I'm with you. I try to think positively and say that at least I know I can conceive, which is what got me through the first one. Now I just want the doc to listen to me and help.
     
  5. Thistledown

    Thistledown Well-Known Member

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    Thanks all for your responses. :) I'm trying really hard to keep thinking positively, but there are moments that are just really hard. I saw someone shopping the other day with a very tiny baby, and I just wanted to cry. Logically I know there was something not right for it to end, especially so early on, but knowing that doesn't stop me wondering at times if it would have been a boy or a girl, or feeling a little down walking past the baby sections in stores.

    ldybeowulf, I really feel for you! As impatient as I am right now for OH and I to have the "starting a family" talk and get on with TTC, I'm also a little worried how I'll react when I do get another BFP (when, not if! positivity!! :winkwink:). I'm afraid I might be a nervous wreck, dreading another MC. I can't even imagine how difficult it is to pick up and keep trying after a second one! Good luck getting your doctor to take your concerns seriously today!
     
  6. xSamanthax

    xSamanthax DD1, DS1 and 1 Angel

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    I feel exactly the same hun, i had my MC at 9 weeks and i'm always thinking, was it a boy or girl and looking at the dates and thinking i should be 11 weeks now, and things like that. I am trying to think positively and most days i do, its just the odd day i feel down
     
  7. ldybeowulf

    ldybeowulf Well-Known Member

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    I wanted to give you an update. I start Clomid tomorrow since that's actually day 3 of my new cycle. Doc thinks I need to make sure that my eggs are the best I can produce I guess plus he agrees I that I need all the help I can get thanks to the PCOS. I'm hoping one cycle might do it but I know it's a long shot. I would be kinda neat to conceive around Vday.

    As for when you start ttc, you will make it through. As I've told my DH and my doc, I will go through whatever I have to if it means I end up with a baby in the end. Is it easy? No. Is the end product worth the emotional ups and downs? Definitely. That's how I have to look at it and I thankful for a hubby that would do anything for me and a close female friend who also has PCOS and understands completely when my body goes nuts.
     
  8. Thistledown

    Thistledown Well-Known Member

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    ldybeowulf, it's great that your doctor is on the same page as you are! :) Sometimes that's half the battle, just getting the medical professionals convinced that something needs to be done, and now rather than later. Hope V'day is a lucky day for you!

    I finally broke down last night and had a bit of a cry. I spent so much energy keeping it together waiting on the next test result, or getting to the next appointment, it's still taking me a little while to process everything. Feel a little better for it, though, and OH said we'll talk more today. I'm not sure now if I'm looking forward to that or not - I suspect we've got drastically different ideas about when we want to TTC. :sad1:
     
  9. firstprincess

    firstprincess Well-Known Member

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    We conceived the month after miscarriage and we now have a stunning 15 month old baby girl. Good luck xxx
     
  10. ldybeowulf

    ldybeowulf Well-Known Member

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    Thistle - Sometimes having a good cry is the best medicine. I generally try to hold it all together so much that I don't even realize it until I find myself crying at a TV show or even a commercial. I figure that I needed it if such a small thing set me off and then I generally feel better after. As for your OH, even if you have different views on "when", you need to find out what that is and then maybe you can work on a compromise. I got lucky and mine was like me and didn't want to wait. Of course, we are both in our 30s and knew we couldn't really wait.
     

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