Pressure from OH to stop BF :-(

[BabyK'sMam]

To give you a bit kf background. I had my LO 7 weeks early and while he was in neo-natal I was expressing so LO could be fed my milk via the tube. Before he was released we established breast feeding which LO took to really well.

LO is now home after 3 weeks in hospital and I've been EBF for a week. I admit its hard work with feeding him on demand every 3 hours or so but the hospital and HV and everyone are really pleased that he's feeding well and is putting on weight.

Everyone except my DH.

For some reason he's putting pressure on me to give him a bottle. We have stacks of EBM in the freezer from when I LO was only taking small amounts in hospital and DH keeps asking if he should defrost a bottle to give him. He asks me at least once a day if he can give LO a bottle.

He said its to ease the pressure and stress of me feeding LO but I've told him he's doing the complete opposite. DH got angry and said I was being selfish being the only one feeding LO and as long as he was getting my milk from a bottle or me then what was the difference.

LO is doing really well to be breast feeding considering he's only 37 weeks gestation and I'm worried if we start messing with teats etc that it might screw things up.

Am being selfish or am I right in thinking if it's not broke don't fix it? What are the benefits of EBF, so I can sit my DH down and explain to him?

DH thinks that its just because I want skin on skin and he is "surplass to requirements" so my advise would be very much appreciated.

K x

 

[maisiemoo]

My LO was also born 7 weeks early. With the trauma that comes with having a preemie, to then think about and finding the time to express to get your milk going, as well as trying to establish BF in a neonatal environment is bloody hard work and emotionally draining!!!

You're not being selfish at all, infact introducing a bottle so soon could cause all sorts of problems such as nipple confusion. It's recommended to introduce a bottle (if that's what you want to do) at around 6/8 weeks to avoid confusion and by this time BF will be firmly established. By introducing a bottle, you could also affect your milk supply and you will need to express whilst your partner bottle feeds anyways. This kinda doubles the work.

My OH felt like this too when we first brought Olivia home. I think the neonatal environment creates a sense of helplessness and can affect bonding. Feeding is obivously a form of bonding and my OH was desperate to get involved for this reason. However, he soon came around and when he started to bathe Olivia, play with her, have lots of cuddles he became more accepting of the fact that feeding was the mummys domain

Oh just wanted to add, that preemies can be a little more prone to infection. BF will help protect your LO during the early weeks.

 

[Seity]

It sounds to me like he is being selfish putting his wants before what is best for the baby. There are plenty of things he can do. Diaper changes, baths, cooking and cleaning to ease your burden. I hardly think he needs to feed him as well. Once your milk is established and you get past those early growth spurts, you can always look into having him give one bottle of EBM at night, while you pump or get an early start on your sleep.

 

[maisiemoo]

I've just been chatting to my OH about your post (as it's something that we can really relate to) and he offerred to chat to your OH - if you think it would help. My OH was just saying how he felt the same way as yours and said "to go easy on him as it's difficult not being able to help as much as he wants to"... He felt the exact same about being surplus to requirements, but we talked about it and his role is now vital in the grand scheme of things... Although my OH is not physically doing the feeding, supporting me is just as important. My OH also said to tell your DH it does get easier and he can get more involved in other things as your LO gets a little older, e.g. we now have routine where our LO (now 16 weeks old) gets bathed every night at 7pm before a feed and then put down to bed, and he gets to do most of these baths and enjoys the bonding time this brings... In the very ealry days before we established this routine my OH would send me to bed and he would look after our LO, only bringing her in to me to feed, and then taking her back to the living room as soon as she was done so I could go back to sleep. A few times I would wake up at 2 or 3am and find them asleep on the sofa cuddling

 

[Nimyra]

I would say that it could affect your supply and also that you LO needs another couple of weeks at least getting good at breastfeeding. also its good for you and your mental health. Maybe he could do a post-feeding snuggle with LO. I know its hard for Dads but at the beginning babies really need their Mums. Its not just about the milk.

hope it works out.

 

[Cazzyg]

Maybe try getting your OH to help in other ways, cuddles, baths, nappy changes etc and emphasis how much he can help you and therefore his baby by supporting you and bringing you food nd drinks while you are feeding. Providing lots of cuddles while you have a bit of a rest etc, there are lots of things he can do other than feeding.

I posted something on a similar thread a while back - let me see if I can find it.

Found it

"One of the most important aspects of getting breastfeeding established successfully is having good support from family and friends. As Father and partner, your support is crucial.

The first 6 weeks are pretty tough, in my opinion. Breastfeeding is a skill that needs to be learned by mother and baby and we often overlook this. After 6 weeks, milk supply regulates and growth spurts become less frequent. When a baby is going through a growth spurt, he/she needs to feed frequently to stimulate the milk supply to increase. Typically a baby in a growth spurt will seem fussy and want to feed lots. As breastfeeding works on a supply and demand basis, the baby needs to demand more to get that supply.

It isn't recommended that bottles are introduced before 6 weeks because of nipple confusion and because it can interfere with supply. If your partner really wants to breastfeed, I would hold off on the bottles and do what you can to support her. Make sure she is eating and drinking well and looking after herself as much as is possible. Help out with the housework, bathing the baby etc. My husband was a great support to me and without that help, I wouldn't have managed to breastfeed successfully. His support did make a difference and I am truly grateful for it."

My H and I went through something similar, but as a prem baby, it's even more important that they get breastmilk. It helps with fighting infections as well as providing many other benefits. Bottles aren't recommended until around 6 weeks as they can get confused with the different teats and pumping rather than direct feeding can mess up your supply.

Good luck

 

[jess_smurf]

tell him until he lactates to leave you alone, wha it is with men wanting take over feeding my ex bf did this and used to wind me up, why would they want to feed them and why cant they be happy to let the boobs do the work

if all else fails kick him in the nuts everytime he asks (joking)

 

[Mrs Doddy]

aw hon it sounds like your H is feeling a little left out as it were. I am mix feeding half breast milk and half formula from a bottle at the moment as Jess will not take to me and wish she would, im not sure how long I can express and feed as we are feeding every three hours I am pretty much housebound. My h says although it would be best if I could breastfeed that he wouldnt then have anything to do.

im not sure that it would be a good idea to introduce the bottle if your baby is happy as you may risk fussy feeding - im not sure and I guess every baby is different.

 

[Celesse]

Daddy's are great at other things, like bath time!

 

[venusrockstar]

Here are some great sites that tell you the benefits of breastfeeding. It benefits both your baby and you...

https://www.infactcanada.ca/Some Benefits of Breastfeeding.pdf

https://www.breastfeeding.com/all_about/all_about_more.html

https://mamadearest.ca/en/info/benefits_breastfeeding.htm

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

Breast milk is the best thing for your LO. You're doing a fantastic job. If you dont want to give up and are happy to continue why should he have a problem with that? he should be happy you are BFing, a lot of women don't.

My OH was the same, i told him I wasnt stopping - simple. My lo refused a bottle from around 12 weeks and we never really pushed it. He has since never taken one but can get away with some EBM from a sippy cup now he's 6 months +.

Sorry my reply's a bit short im feeding A right now and hes getting all agitated with me typing!

 

[Bumpontherun]

Aww Sounds like you have both had a tough time. I think you've had some really good advice in the previous answers. I would agree that you just need to reiterate to DH how important BM is for your LO and even more so to a Preemie. TBH we introduced a bottle (of EBM) when Helen was 3 weeks old but she was a big fat term baby and I could tell that BF was going really well. In fact she never really took the bottle and DH stopped giving it after a while because she just fussed and wanted boobie anyway. I wouldn't take the risk with a preemie who has been tube fed for their first few weeks outside of the womb. To have got this far expressing and then taught LO to BF it must be pretty important to you and think how devastated you would be if you did have nipple confusion and feeding was affected.

My DH is a total BF nazi and was very behind me doing it but it was still hard on him at times, I think he felt really helpless when I was exhausted and Helen was feeding constantly. I think the idea of your DH taking LO for a night and only bringing them through to feed is a really good one. Also bath time, nappy changes, maybe walks together in the pram while you have a nap/bath?

Lots and lots of luck, it's great that your DH wants to help, it's just a shame he has kind of fixated on feeding as a way to do it

 

[25weeker]

When my lo was in neonatal and we had established breastfeeding during the day at night she would get a bottle. She never had nipple confusion from this. Once we were home for the first 6 weeks my husband would give a bottle of ebm at night so I could get some sleep because my lo would cluster feed for hours! Once she stopped the cluster feeding I solely fed her and now at 19 weeks corrected she will barely take a bottle!

If you are not comfortable letting your lo have a bottle you need to explain this to him and as others have said get him to do other stuff. You have both been through a rollercoaster journey and need time to adjust but eventually you will have a routine to suit you both.

Good luck x

 

[LogansMama]

I would wait until he is 6 weeks old *adjusted age* and then start with bottles of ebm. Tell your dh that by then bfing will be well established and it will be unlikely to cause any nipple confusion/preference. I think thats your best bet.

BTW - I think its really sweet that your dh wants to participate in the feeding process. I practically had to force mine to! So be happy you have a hubby that wants to take part!!