Pretty bummed out.../: (A rant, sorry!)

[ShakeItBaby1]

So ladies, I'm not quite sure how many of you know anything about me - but I'll post a little bit of my background.

I'm a "young" mom by some people's standards. I'm 22, I don't have a career, and I'm not finished with school yet. This pregnancy wasn't planned, and at first - I had no idea what I was going to do. My parents aren't exactly the type who would disown me, but they definitely weren't happy about it for awhile. To be truthful, my dad still isn't. My mom's over the moon that she's going to be a grandma, even if I am young, not married - anything. I could honestly care less about my dad, as he's the type that I could go to Yale, and he'd tell me I should've chosen Harvard blahblahblah. He was never really around when we were younger, because he was always out messing around on my mom, and never really wanted to be part of our lives - he'd just spend his money to make up for it.

Now on to the real thing that's bumming me out. I am the younger sibling. I have an older sister who's 26, no kids, not married - nothing. I don't even know if she wants to have kids, as she was always telling me she doesn't think she could handle being pregnant and all the weird things that go along with it. Well, when I told her I was pregnant - she couldn't really say much. She wasn't excited, but she wasn't mad. I can't really explain her reaction. It doesn't help that her & OH don't get along AT ALL. Now that I'm almost in my third tri-mester, I decided to bring it up to her tonight, and she said that it's not that she's not excited, it's just weird to think of her little sister being pregnant. Okay, I can understand that. She's also planning on moving to Chicago, so she admitted to me she's distancing herself from me and her niece. We're usually EXTREMELY close - but since finiding out I was pregnant, I can count on one hand how many times we've actually made plans. She also told me everyone is telling her she's kind of being an ass about it - but she doesn't "know what to do about it." I'm just so bummed that it seems she doesn't want to be in her niece's life, or be around since I'm pregnant.

Sorry it was sort of a long rant, but I have no one else to talk to. OH doesn't like talking about my sister because he literally - cannot stand her. My mom's told me that I'm worrying too much, and that my sister is excited...I just don't know. It's frustrating.

 

[megrenade]

I have 2 brothers in their 30's who don't have kids yet either. One of my brother's girlfriend has been TTC w/ him for a year or so and I can tell she's not happy that I'm having another baby.. well, happy.. but bummed. And it's kind of awkward, so I don't mention my pregnancy much.

I hope things get better

 

[CharCharxxx]

It sounds to me like their could be a hint of jealousy on her part? Maybe she has been TTC for ages but has kept it totally quiet? That's what I'd say it is Hun!
I had my daughter 3 weeks before my 22nd birthday I wouldn't say it's "young mum" I'd say It's the perfect time for me I had done everything in my life I wanted to and had a career at the time, havin my daughter was the best decision ever! I'm now 24 having number 2 I'm still not engaged lol I think your famIly will soon change as your little one is here I wouldn't worry, try and enjoy the 3rd trimester as its over so quickly, then deal with family stuff in my opinion! X xx

 

[ShakeItBaby1]

I have 2 brothers in their 30's who don't have kids yet either. One of my brother's girlfriend has been TTC w/ him for a year or so and I can tell she's not happy that I'm having another baby.. well, happy.. but bummed. And it's kind of awkward, so I don't mention my pregnancy much.

I hope things get better

I've learned to just avoid the topic. If she can't be happy for me, then I'd prefer to leave the topic alone. It makes me sad, but there's nothing else I can do. I hope things get better for you as well!

 

[ShakeItBaby1]

It sounds to me like their could be a hint of jealousy on her part? Maybe she has been TTC for ages but has kept it totally quiet? That's what I'd say it is Hun!
I had my daughter 3 weeks before my 22nd birthday I wouldn't say it's "young mum" I'd say It's the perfect time for me I had done everything in my life I wanted to and had a career at the time, havin my daughter was the best decision ever! I'm now 24 having number 2 I'm still not engaged lol I think your famIly will soon change as your little one is here I wouldn't worry, try and enjoy the 3rd trimester as its over so quickly, then deal with family stuff in my opinion! X xx

My mom has mentioned to me that my sisters said something along the lines of, "I was supposed to be first..." Which irritates me to no end. I'll have my LO about 3 months before my 23rd birthday.. I just still consider myself "young" because I don't exactly have my career yet - but I'm going back after my daughter's here. I see now that I'm over the party scene, and I couldn't be more elated about my daughter being here. I already love her SO much. My LO wasn't planned, but I'm glad I'm having her.

I think my sister is a little jealous, but I just am hurt because I'd be supportive no matter what the circumstances were.

 

[CT125]

I was very like this with my younger sister. I had had 3 m/c and had no idea my sister even wanted to have a baby, she had just finished university and was doing her teacher training.
Its not really excusable but I just couldn't be around her. It just felt too unfair. I hardly saw her during her pregnancy and even when the baby was born, I rarely visited. I just couldn't handle it. We're close again now, but it was only after I had my first that I realised what she had gone through, the huge change in life, how much of a life-shock it was. I have apologised to her so many times since for not being there and she isn't offended but I'm sure she was desparately hurt at the time. I feel awful about it =(
This is probably of little help to you, but maybe gives you some insight from your sister's side

 

[mummy2o]

I was jealous when my younger sister got married before me. She was just 18 at the time, and with someone twice her age. The relationship didn't last as he manipulated her and abused her, so I'm happy she left. I was the oldest and was suppose to do that first. Instead I ended up getting pregnant with DS (accident as I was on the pill and in my mind I wasn't ready for him at 21) and I don't regret him for one minute. Its just the way our lives played out. I think it will be easier for her once the baby is born and can see how adorable her niece is. I have a feeling my cousin got pregnant shortly after her niece was born as she was jealous of her younger sister. I guess sibling rivalry never ends.

 

[Gemmamuk]

I'm going through something similar with my sil. We've been best friends for years, and when I unexpectedly fell pregnant with ds1, she was amazing!!!

In march me and OH decided to try for #2, and one night while having a chat I mentioned it to sil and said I know everything isn't great (oh out of work, being a sahd) but we could afford to survive on my wages and were really excited.
She confided in me that she is desperate for a baby and was trying with her oh. Now - I made sure I seemed excited, and I kind of was. But her oh didn't actually know at the time she was trying, which I didn't agree with, but said nothing as I knew it would just backfire on me.
Added into the mix her oh is lazy and spends most of his time in bed, and they are living with fil, paying no rent/bills, and fil has confided in me he wants them out but doesn't know how to approach it?! She had no inclination to move, even if/when a baby came!
We continued to be close and had lots of girly nights in and excited chats.

Then on June 23rd I told her I was pregnant. Her face fell, she said 'well I guess you've won the race then!', and left with my son to take him out for the day.
Since then she has barely talked to me, talked very little about the baby, and ignores most of my texts/calls, unless she wants to take my son out.
I messaged the other saturday saying im feeling down and need girly time, so how does she fancy one of our duvet days with a dvd & pizza? This is something that pre-pregnancy #2 we did all the time. She text back saying 'no thanks, but can I take Alex out and have him overnight please?'.
I've always said I won't let my arguments get in the way of my sons relationships with people, unless I believe he's in danger, so I let him
Oh has said he doesn't really want ds around his sister much, as she's made a few very racist comments around him lately and he doesn't want our son picking up on her views
She told me she won't love the new baby as much as my ds, or look after it much as ds is her favourite???

She's been my best friend for best part of 7 years and im really upset, especially knowing its down to jealousy.

I'm sorry - are we meant to put our lives on hold and not have another baby until your lazy ass boyfriend decides to get out of bed and get a job and have sex (yes! He is too lazy for that too).
so how she ever expects to get pregnant when its a good month if they have sex once and she pays no attention to her periods/ovulation, is beyond me - but to punish me for getting pregnant is a kick in the teeth!!
She's become a really, nasty, bitter woman the last few months.
Horrible thing is I know full well that once baby is here she will be back wanting to be best friends again, and me like an idiot will let her get away with her appalling behaviour!!

Long essay from me, but in the long term, I do think that once your baby is here she may feel/act differently...
Xxx

 

[Paperhearts]

Part of it could be jealousy, for sure. But perhaps part of it could be that she feels like she's losing her sister? Maybe she feels like once you have a child to devote yourself to that she'll fall on the back burner and not be as important to you?

Maybe you could tell her how much you need her and how you want your daughter to have an aunt that she can love and rely on too.

 

[ShakeItBaby1]

I was very like this with my younger sister. I had had 3 m/c and had no idea my sister even wanted to have a baby, she had just finished university and was doing her teacher training.
Its not really excusable but I just couldn't be around her. It just felt too unfair. I hardly saw her during her pregnancy and even when the baby was born, I rarely visited. I just couldn't handle it. We're close again now, but it was only after I had my first that I realised what she had gone through, the huge change in life, how much of a life-shock it was. I have apologised to her so many times since for not being there and she isn't offended but I'm sure she was desparately hurt at the time. I feel awful about it =(
This is probably of little help to you, but maybe gives you some insight from your sister's side

I wasn't trying for this baby, we were actually using condoms. I could understand if she was TTC, or had miscarriages - but it's nothing like this. It's more the fact that she doesn't like being second. Sibling rivalry, I suppose. She told me "she hopes she's better once she's here," but it does little to reassure me. I'm sure shell be better once she has her own, but it still irritates me. Your comment did help.

 

[ShakeItBaby1]

I was jealous when my younger sister got married before me. She was just 18 at the time, and with someone twice her age. The relationship didn't last as he manipulated her and abused her, so I'm happy she left. I was the oldest and was suppose to do that first. Instead I ended up getting pregnant with DS (accident as I was on the pill and in my mind I wasn't ready for him at 21) and I don't regret him for one minute. Its just the way our lives played out. I think it will be easier for her once the baby is born and can see how adorable her niece is. I have a feeling my cousin got pregnant shortly after her niece was born as she was jealous of her younger sister. I guess sibling rivalry never ends.

As I'm the younger, my sisters always been the first at everything. She's always had the best of everything, and never had to struggle like me. She was an adult and had moved before my parents got a divorce. I've never felt jealous or spiteful of my sister, and have always supported her decisions and been extremely happy for her. I guess I just expected the same in my position. & I totally agree, sibling rivalry never ends!

 

[ShakeItBaby1]

I'm going through something similar with my sil. We've been best friends for years, and when I unexpectedly fell pregnant with ds1, she was amazing!!!

In march me and OH decided to try for #2, and one night while having a chat I mentioned it to sil and said I know everything isn't great (oh out of work, being a sahd) but we could afford to survive on my wages and were really excited.
She confided in me that she is desperate for a baby and was trying with her oh. Now - I made sure I seemed excited, and I kind of was. But her oh didn't actually know at the time she was trying, which I didn't agree with, but said nothing as I knew it would just backfire on me.
Added into the mix her oh is lazy and spends most of his time in bed, and they are living with fil, paying no rent/bills, and fil has confided in me he wants them out but doesn't know how to approach it?! She had no inclination to move, even if/when a baby came!
We continued to be close and had lots of girly nights in and excited chats.

Then on June 23rd I told her I was pregnant. Her face fell, she said 'well I guess you've won the race then!', and left with my son to take him out for the day.
Since then she has barely talked to me, talked very little about the baby, and ignores most of my texts/calls, unless she wants to take my son out.
I messaged the other saturday saying im feeling down and need girly time, so how does she fancy one of our duvet days with a dvd & pizza? This is something that pre-pregnancy #2 we did all the time. She text back saying 'no thanks, but can I take Alex out and have him overnight please?'.
I've always said I won't let my arguments get in the way of my sons relationships with people, unless I believe he's in danger, so I let him
Oh has said he doesn't really want ds around his sister much, as she's made a few very racist comments around him lately and he doesn't want our son picking up on her views
She told me she won't love the new baby as much as my ds, or look after it much as ds is her favourite???

She's been my best friend for best part of 7 years and im really upset, especially knowing its down to jealousy.

I'm sorry - are we meant to put our lives on hold and not have another baby until your lazy ass boyfriend decides to get out of bed and get a job and have sex (yes! He is too lazy for that too).
so how she ever expects to get pregnant when its a good month if they have sex once and she pays no attention to her periods/ovulation, is beyond me - but to punish me for getting pregnant is a kick in the teeth!!
She's become a really, nasty, bitter woman the last few months.
Horrible thing is I know full well that once baby is here she will be back wanting to be best friends again, and me like an idiot will let her get away with her appalling behaviour!!

Long essay from me, but in the long term, I do think that once your baby is here she may feel/act differently...
Xxx

I just can't believe some people. For your SIL to even say something along the lines as she won't love your second as much as your DS, and "No thank you."( My sister would never go that far. The worst was when I received my doppler, found my baby's HB, and all she could say was how weird & disgusting it was - which did completely Gut me.)Plus her OH sounds horrible! I wouldn't even try for a LO in a situation like that, no offense. Me & OH might not make a TON of money - but my little girl already has everything she needs (even if most is second hand,) and we don't ever starve. We both work 40+ hrs a week..

I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through! It really stinks, and hurts your feelings . Especially when it's from someone you expect to be on your side. I really hope she's better once my little girl is here. I want her to be part of her niece's life, and would never keep her away, but I can't make her come around or love her niece.