Pretty crushed right now

[Reidfidleir]

Hey all.

To sum it up I had the most amazing homebirth experience with my first baby. I want another homebirth as I have every intention of avoiding the hospital at all costs. I hate hospitals and I've heard so many negative experiences of people birthing at one. Yes I've read good stories too but there's usually at least a couple negative things that would have been avoided with homebirthing.

I had to pay out of pocket $3200 because state insurance didnt cover. I have been wanting a second baby for a while now and dot want any more than 3 years between them.
I got my hopes up because we have really good insurance now that my midwives had had success with in the past.
Hubby did research and said that doulas and planned homebirth a are not covered at all.
I am so crushed!!!
I just feel right now that if I cannot bring my baby into the world the way I choose I don't want a baby at all. The fear of risks with the hospitals and people bulldozing me and overriding my decisions as an adult outweighs the broody was at this point.
Insurance does cover birth centers but there are only two in my state. They are an hour and a half away, highly regulated by the hospital, and have a very high transfer rate. Not a great option.
The hospital my cnm (my acting gyn) is affiliated with has a birth centr but it is only one room. So basically if someone is using it too bad for you.

I just feel completely defeated and angry at the system. Why can't I birth the mos natural and safest way and the way everyone used to do it??

At this point we have a mortgage and a couple large loans we are paying off so it would be almost impossible to pay out of pocket this time around.

Does anybody have any words of advice? Sympathy? Anything is fine. Thanks.

 

[GingerPanda]

I'll offer you some sympathy. Homebirth is practically ILLEGAL in my state. It's illegal for midwives to perform homebirths without a special license, and the state of Kentucky stopped issuing that license in the 70's. So you bet your sweet bottom, there's not a whiff of hope that insurance will cover any of it.

 

[Reidfidleir]

Thanks. I hear you. It's just very frustrating that in my state it's perfectly legal but not all insurances cover. What gets me more mad is that one state away they require that almos all insurances cover midwives (for home) and birth centers. And that state has 5 birth centers!

It's like, sure you can have this.... Oh hahahaha just kidding. It's beyond your reach.

 

[MellyH]

That is definitely very frustrating, I'm sorry. I have been investigating this sort of thing since a birth centre sounds right up my alley (I am also not convinced that a hospital is the best place to have a baby!), but they're not covered by my insurance (BOOOO!) and are like $5000 out of pocket. Which is a hefty chunk of change, since like you we are about to have a sizeable mortgage. But what if I regret going to hospital for a long time? So you have my sympathy. I wish that it was different here.

My current best idea for a compromise is that I chose the health care provider with the closest hospitals having the lowest induction/c-section rates, and we will look into hiring a doula. That way I'll have an advocate and someone with resources to get me through the labour hopefully without having a c-section.

 

[HoneyBee144]

I'm really sorry, I don't have any advice but just wanted to offer xx

 

[GingerPanda]

I chose a doctor and hospital in Ohio that has a low c-section rate. The practice has midwives, but my midwife dropped me like a hot potato when I was going through my loss, and I got very attached to my OB/GYN. He says he will let me use the hospital's birthing center, and that if I give him my birthing plan, he will do everything possible to follow it. But now it looks like I might be having twins, so I might be out of luck!

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

I really struggle to understand the way US insurance works as here in the UK you have the option to go private (which costs a fortune) but generally you just pay your nation insurance which is taken directly from your wages and that covers more or less everything.

I feel your pain, after a really easy first labour (in hospital) if everything is ok with my 2nd pregnancy I'd love a home birth but is it not a bit drastic to never have another child just because you'd have to do it in hospital? Maybe I'm being naive, I'm not pinning all my hopes and dreams on a home birth it would just be a nice thing to do but if it's not possible I'm totally ok with a hospital birth.

 

[Reidfidleir]

I really struggle to understand the way US insurance works as here in the UK you have the option to go private (which costs a fortune) but generally you just pay your nation insurance which is taken directly from your wages and that covers more or less everything.

I feel your pain, after a really easy first labour (in hospital) if everything is ok with my 2nd pregnancy I'd love a home birth but is it not a bit drastic to never have another child just because you'd have to do it in hospital? Maybe I'm being naive, I'm not pinning all my hopes and dreams on a home birth it would just be a nice thing to do but if it's not possible I'm totally ok with a hospital birth.

I suppose it's a bit drastic to say that but it is how I feel right now. Especially how in almost all the birth stories I've read with a hospital that the parents were disrespected or ignored in one form or another. And the hospitals close to me aren't great.

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

I really struggle to understand the way US insurance works as here in the UK you have the option to go private (which costs a fortune) but generally you just pay your nation insurance which is taken directly from your wages and that covers more or less everything.

I feel your pain, after a really easy first labour (in hospital) if everything is ok with my 2nd pregnancy I'd love a home birth but is it not a bit drastic to never have another child just because you'd have to do it in hospital? Maybe I'm being naive, I'm not pinning all my hopes and dreams on a home birth it would just be a nice thing to do but if it's not possible I'm totally ok with a hospital birth.

I suppose it's a bit drastic to say that but it is how I feel right now. Especially how in almost all the birth stories I've read with a hospital that the parents were disrespected or ignored in one form or another. And the hospitals close to me aren't great.

If it makes you feel any better my hospital birth was fine, I didn't feel anything but valued and encouraged, I put in my birth plan I didn't want an epidural and even when I begged for one (which I did at every contraction) my MW absolutely refused to give me one but not in a derogatory way but more like "don't be silly your doing so well"

The only real complaint I had about my birth was the discharge time, DD was born at 6.07pm and I was discharged at 8.30pm so just over 2 hours, but then that said I wasn't a high risk pregnancy, I had a really straight forward labour and I didn't want to stay in any way, I just felt it would have been nice as a first time mum to have had that option if that makes sense, but in hindsight had they have asked me if I wanted to stay over night I'd have probably have said no anyway.

 

[Caite]

I don't understand the US system either. I just find it so alien that your insurance determines what type of health care you are entitled to. And it seems so silly that the different states have massively different legislation. Can you not change insurers? Would the midwives allow you to pay by instalments? Or could you start saving some money each month?

 

[KalonKiki]

With the way that my birth went I'm glad that I decided to give birth in a hospital and would never do a home birth because of it, but I'm sorry that your insurance doesn't cover a home birth. I may not be into home birth for myself, but I do believe that a woman should be able to give birth the way that she wants to. I think it's sad that practically no insurance here in the US covers home birth.

 

[tuesdaysbaby]

This makes me really sad and also mad for you! You should be bake to birth the way you want to, in the way that makes you comfortable.

This idea is so alien to me as it am from New Zealand and we basically all go with midwives down here unless you go private (paid for by medical insurance or out of your own pocket) or if you are high risk I guess, not sure too much about that as I haven't done it as yet! It makes me happy that I'm here and I can choose a home birth, birth centre or hospital birth and know that if I go hospital I won't be bullied!

I am so sorry and I do get where your feelings are coming from as I would feel very similarly.

Sorry no help or anything, just sympathy and hugs xx

 

[MamaByrd]

I definitely feel your pain. When I think about having children, I do not want to be anywhere near a hospital if possible.

I have TriCare, and they not only don't cover home births, but since I'm in the military myself, I would have to FIGHT tooth-and-nail to even be able for them to even approve me to have one! That's right, I have to get documents signed by commander's, releases completed, and take lots of briefings to get my birth APPROVED.

It is absolutely ridiculous that we can't choose how we want our own birth to go. The US' healthcare system is completely idiotic.

 

[ds0910]

Like another lady I will only give birth IN a hospital. Especially with my first delivery and the complications that came up. However you should be able to choose for yourself. I had a WONDERFUL experience with my hospital birth and I also live near crap hospitals so I drive an a little over an hour for my obgyn and to give birth. My advise would be to drive the extra time if the hospitals are better and to draw up a very detailed birth plan and be very straight forward with them from the start about this is what you want and you expect not to have problems or be bullied. Good luck and im sorry you are so upset.

 

[chulie]

I'm sorry you feel that way....I do agree people should be allowed to give birth how they want and it's insane you cant get what you want.......if you want to you can labour at home as long as possible and just go at the last second....and honestly....you clearly seem like a woman who knows what she wants..and I think sometimes people go into hospitals either not knowing what they want...or they just go with whatever and allow themselves to be pushed around because it's such a fragile tie.......if your as adament as you seem to be and make it very clear what you do/do not want(or make sure your partner is able to articulate that)...the hospital will more than compromise....I had a WONDERFUL hospital that I wouldn't trade for the world....(I'm in Canada)

I also feel like painting every hospital with the same brush is impossible........some hospitals are wicked and some SUCK! hahahaha....so you need to investigate what hospitals are in your area and talk to moms there and see what their reputation is...because I can say my hospital is wicked.....but I chose it BECAUSE of their reputation...there is another hospital like 2 seconds from my house...but I've not heard good things and I've personally had bad experiences so I decided to go further away to get the care I want......good luck!

 

[Caite]

Mamabyrd - why the hell does your CO have to approve you having a homebirth? That is absolutely ridiculous and actually pretty disgusting of the US military!

I agree that you should fight as much as is needed to get the homebirth that you want, but I don't think it should be the deciding factor in whether you have another child or not. Even if you have to go to hospital, let them know that you want a normal birth with no interventions, unless strictly necessary, and politely decline interventions which are just done as they are routine (such as continuous monitoring/CTG) unless there is a reason for them.

 

[Reidfidleir]

Thanks everybody I really appreciate your kind words and suggestions. Yes you're right I am quite adamant over things like this normally I'm a very easy going person however when it comes to the safety of my children and doctors I'm quite a stickler. Any more helpful hints on hospitals would be appreciated.

 

[diggory77]

I was like you, I wanted a natural water birth. I couldn't have this where I lived at the time as it wasn't practical so chose a wonderful midwife led centre (I'm in the uk). My waters broke and my contractions were slow to start. In the uk, if you go over 24 hours between your waters breaking and no active labour they want to induce you in a high risk unit under a dr. I refused as mine and our baby's obs were fine. I was put under pressure to be induced, but I waited up until 40 hours before I had Pitocin. She was born in 5 hours after the induction process started, completely drug free and naturally and had no problems whatsoever. Whilst I would never agree to being induced again, being in a hospital really wasn't that bad and my birth was straightforward even though I regret letting them bully me into being induced. They did however abide by my wishes to allow me to be active, they dimmed the lights and played my hypnobirthing music for me too.
Just remember they cannot legally do anything without your consent! Your body, your baby, your vagina! Those are the rules. Stick firm in your beliefs and I'm sure you will not let anyone come in your way of having the safest and most natural birth possible
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