Proper Shower Etiquette for those living out of state?

[Mommy's Angel]

I was wondering what the proper etiquette is for those out of state.

I'm supposed to give a list of womb "I'd" want to invite and for example I have two sisters in law who live out of state. One comes home often and she lives only a few short hours away. The other lives MUCH farther away, has a job, twins and is unlikely to come for the expense it would cost her and my bil.

I'm wondering what to do. Should I invite one sil without the other because I wouldn't want to put her on the spot? OR is etiquette to invite her anyways and let her RSVP?

I also have another common friend with my husband who is out of state but though she "may" come because her parents live here in the area, I also don't want her to think we're being greedy if etiquette is to only invite those who live in your vicinity.

Any help you can give would be appreciated as I wouldn't want to affend anyone.

Thank you!

 

[DLA]

I just had this conversation with someone when I was trying to figure out who to invite. We all agreed that it's best to invite everyone regardless of location. Apparently some people get very hurt when not getting invites. So i decided to play it safe and invite out of towners (with the expectation they won't come) and just let them send their regrets.

 

[purechaos109]

I was just wondering this myself!! I really want to invite some out of state people myself! I think I'm just going to send the invites even though I know they can't come!

 

[daddiesgift]

Im having this problem but I live in another country then my family! My friends tell me to send out an invite anyway, maybe ill get some presents but I worry wont they think im silly? They wont fly 9 hours for a baby shower!

 

[Shmead]

If they are good friends, I'd call them up and ask: "Do you want an invitation to my shower? I know you can't possibly come, but I wouldn't for a second want you to think you weren't wanted, or that I was just soliciting a gift.".

If they are family but not close friends, I'd use the family telegraph: for your SIL, have your mom call your brother: "Does Suzie want an invitation to Jenny's shower? Jenny doesn't want to leave her out, but doesn't want to look like she's grubbing for a gift, either?"

In both cases, they are sure to say they want an invite, but you've made it clear you don't really expect them to fly across the country, or even to provide a gift.

 

[IHrtSteve]

I'd say invite them. Wouldn't u rather feel like u should send a present, than feel left out?

 

[JMC82]

I would invite them but make it clear that you completely understand that they are unlikely to manage to make it but that you didn't want to leave them out. I'm sure they'll appreciate the thought. x

 

[DrGomps]

I think sending an invite, even if they can't come is the proper etiquette. Is the problem that you don't want them to feel obligated to give gifts if they can't come??

 

[Mommy's Angel]

I think sending an invite, even if they can't come is the proper etiquette. Is the problem that you don't want them to feel obligated to give gifts if they can't come??

Yes, I think just knowing we're all in tough times, I'm not holding anyone to buy any HUGE gifts if at all. Having a shower puts me over the edge as I'm SO used to throwing parties, not being the center of one (though the center is actually baby Amelia).


Thank you everyone! I think I'll just send the invites so they know they are included.

 

[pcake]

Its so weird- we dont really have baby showers here in the uk!! Obviously idont know much about them, but if i was in ur shoes id probably send a nice note in the invite saying something like "Would love so much for you to come, but really dont expect you to travel such a huge distance. Would be fantastic to see you, but if u cant we totally understand, and we can catch up next we see each other instead. Didnt want to put u in an akward position, so am assuming u wont be able to make it, but if u can u know ur always welcome!"

 

[Mommy's Angel]

Its so weird- we dont really have baby showers here in the uk!! Obviously idont know much about them, but if i was in ur shoes id probably send a nice note in the invite saying something like "Would love so much for you to come, but really dont expect you to travel such a huge distance. Would be fantastic to see you, but if u cant we totally understand, and we can catch up next we see each other instead. Didnt want to put u in an akward position, so am assuming u wont be able to make it, but if u can u know ur always welcome!"

I know, I heard the grandparents buy a couple things and then maybe after the baby is born people bring some things together.

I LOVE Parties, but it freaks me out to be the center of attention. Of course it's baby Amelia who's the center, but I still feel kind of odd. My husband is helping my mom and his mom along with some of the ladies at church. "usually" there are around 10 ppl or so at a shower. Combined, I have at least 60ppl showing. Don't get me wrong, I'm really grateful. Just nervous. I'm usually the planner and entertainer. Not used to be the center of attention so it takes me out of my comfort zone.

 

[Vanilla_girl]

I'm inviting my sister in law to my shower even though she lives4+ hours away. Oh yeah, she also hates me and hasn't talked to me in over 4 years, but oh well, she's getting an ivitation!