Question for moms of young girl toddlers

[SarahBear]

Violet is 17 and a half months old. Sometimes we dress her like a stereotypical boy and other times we dress her like a stereotypical girl, while other times she's a bit more ambiguous. I've noticed that many people who know her in the community as well as strangers who notice us saying "she," "her," and "Violet," seem unsure of how to treat her when she's not dressed as a stereotypical girl. Am I reading a bit too much into this, or do you all notice similar things?

And when she's dressed "like a girl," it seems to make some people more comfortable, but then they make stereotyped comments to her that I'm not fond of. I'm not always fond of the comments made when she's assumed to be a boy either, but I just wish people would put their gender stereotyping aside and let kids be kids!

 

[MumToEva]

Pay no attention to the at all! My girl is the same - she has a range of clothes in a range of colours, so sometimes she looks very much like a girl, and other times she can look quite boyish at a glance, though she has a fine face so anyone who looks at her properly tends to know she is a girl. If it's a comment that doesn't require a response I just say nothing. If it's something that requires a response I just respond as normal, obviously calling her she or by her name. Doesn't bother me in the slightest, though I've never noticed her being treated any differently because people think she is a girl than if people think she is a boy, so not sure how I would feel about that.

The odd time someone has mistaken her for a boy when she is dressed in pink etc, which amuses me - tends to be by elderly people for some reason.

Though I have done the same thing to someone at mums-and-tots - glanced at a child and assumed their gender based on the cardigan they were wearing, and then realised my mistake - did feel a little bad about it, though the mum didn't care.

 

[Natsku]

Just try and ignore any gender stereotype comments they make. Maria dresses in a wide range of clothes, no one really makes any comments on it (probably because the word for he and she is the same). Though she doesn't really look boyish even in boy clothes because she has a feminine face and long hair.

 

[Rachel_C]

I can't say I've ever noticed it. We've always shopped in both the girl and boy sections of clothes shops so the kids are often wearing GN or 'boy' clothes but nobody has ever spoken to them differently that I've noticed, apart from saying things like "What a clever/nice/friendly girl you are" etc when they obviously don't know the child's name so they stick girl/boy in there to make it friendlier.

When they were younger I occasionally noticed some people having difficulty choosing words if they were unsure if LO was a girl or a boy, but I've done that myself. You just don't want to upset the parents by getting it wrong - some people do look a bit miffed if you call their boy a girl and visa versa.

I don't think it matters much if a stranger tells your daughter she's cute or your son he's strong because that's a very small percentage of what they hear. As long as you balance it out yourself so that's not all they hear, it won't make much difference.

 

[AngelofTroy]

I know you asked for mums of girls specifically, but I imagine that it only makes people more comfortable because it can be bit awkward when you don't know which pronouns etc to use when you address someone, rather than people having a problem with your LO being dressed in 'boy' clothes.

I find that it's generally quite acceptable for females (kids and adults alike) to dress in more traditionally masculine styles, so long as people have some 'clue' to help them with the language side of things (picking up on a parent's use of 'her/she/good girl' etc) as for some reason it feels embarrassing to get someone gender wrong!

It's much less acceptable generally for males to wear typically female clothing in my experience.

 

[leahtaba]

My LO has very delicate features and blonde curly hair and most people know shes a girl. I dress her in blue rather often though cause she suits it, and people do sometimes see the blue and call her 'he'. I guess it just makes people second guess themselves so they might feel a bit awkward.

Gender stereotyping bugs me too, LO has red and green soothers with cars on atm and people keep asking why shes got 'boys soothers' ughhh!

 

[Bevziibubble]

A lot of people mistake Holly for a boy because she doesn't have much hair and doesn't always wear pink and girly clothes. She has lots of different clothes and I just put on her anything that takes my fancy and is suitable for the weather. My FIL was moaning to my husband that we should dress her in pink and dresses all the time because she's a girl and it's no wonder she gets mistaken for a boy. Wtf. I was pretty peed off at that view, but he is kinda stuck in the dark ages with a lot of stuff.


I hate the stereotypes for gender and even worse for toddlers. I think they should be able to wear anything without having to confirm with how a lot of society thinks boys or girls should dress. It's sad so young. I think my LO looks adorable in pink frilly dresses, but I also think she looks adorable in blue pants and Tshirts. It doesn't bother me at all when people mistake her for a boy. I just feel more bad for them as they're always so embarrassed when they find out she's actually a girl!

 

[RaspberryK]

Ds was called a girl once by an old man because he was wearing lime green?
Lol. I actually just laughed.
Xx

 

[the why bird]

My daughter still gets called a boy. She has short hair and tends to wear jeans and bright colours instead of pink. When people say 'what's his name?' and I say 'Daphne' they get all embarrassed but I always tell them not to worry - she doesn't care and being a boy isn't an insult!

I do know what you mean about the stereotypes being frustrating but like pp said, it's more important what she sees and hears from the people who surround her every day.

 

[AngelofTroy]

My daughter still gets called a boy. She has short hair and tends to wear jeans and bright colours instead of pink. When people say 'what's his name?' and I say 'Daphne' they get all embarrassed but I always tell them not to worry - she doesn't care and being a boy isn't an insult!

I do know what you mean about the stereotypes being frustrating but like pp said, it's more important what she sees and hears from the people who surround her every day.

I love your daughter's name

 

[Nat0619]

I can't say I've ever really thought about this. Ciara wears a variety of clothing and colours (not much pink now really) but they are all girls clothes. She has a very feminine face and very long, thick hair though (down her back at not yet 2) so obviously looks a girl.

 

[MrsPear]

I've never noticed it. Joni has long hair and she definitely looks like a little girl- no one has ever mistaken her for a boy even though she does wear plenty gender neutral stuff e.g. plain blue jeans and a bright tee-shirt.

I would say maybe people aren't sure whether a child is a boy/girl so they could act differently until they know? Just because they don't want to put their foot in it not because they think boys and girls should be treated differently. As for people who know her and treat her differently depending on dress code, it's not for me to say you're reading too much into it because I have no idea what your community and its culture is like, but in terms of round here, I go to plenty of places with Joni dressed in all manner of outfits (library, playgroups, soft-play, park, cafe, just out and about) and I really have never come across that. More people dress their girls 'girly' than neutral, but it's certainly not unusual round here to be more gender neutral so it's not like I would take Joni somewhere in green trousers and an orange tee-shirt and ALL the other girls be in pink flowery dresses- so I don't think people take any notice of that sort of thing here or act differently to children because of their clothes.

 

[freckleonear]

My daughter often wears boys clothes, less now but most of the time when she was a toddler. Strangers would sometimes mistake her for a boy but it didn't bother me in the slightest. I didn't even bother correcting them usually.

 

[jd83]

I agree with pp that the uncomfortable feeling is more from sometimes being unsure how to address the child, such as "he" or "she", as it can be embarassing if you get it wrong. Sometimes its hard to tell if they don't have a lot of hair, and young children can sometimes be hard to tell genders if not dressed in an obvious manner. That shouldn't stop you from dressing your child how you want to though, and I think its great that you choose a wide range of colors, styles for your lo

One of the pp mentioned having her lo mistaken for a girl in lime green outfit...Ditto here when in pretty obvious boy clothing, lol. Sometimes even being obvious with their clothing people still can't get it right.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

I dress my daughter in girlie clothes as I'm very girlie myself. She doesn't wear a lot of pink but lotsa coral, bright purple,...I have never dressed her like a "boy" but that's just not my personal taste.

It doesn't make any difference to me how other ppl dress their kids so I don't think you should let it bother you. Anyways kids get to an age when they want to pick their clothes Our neighbour's son is almost 3 and all he wants to wear is a pair of heart shaped pink sun glasses and a frilly hat! I think it's cute actually. If Sofia is older and wants to dress like a tomboy, I'm not going to stop her

 

[RaspberryK]

I agree with pp that the uncomfortable feeling is more from sometimes being unsure how to address the child, such as "he" or "she", as it can be embarassing if you get it wrong. Sometimes its hard to tell if they don't have a lot of hair, and young children can sometimes be hard to tell genders if not dressed in an obvious manner. That shouldn't stop you from dressing your child how you want to though, and I think its great that you choose a wide range of colors, styles for your lo

One of the pp mentioned having her lo mistaken for a girl in lime green outfit...Ditto here when in pretty obvious boy clothing, lol. Sometimes even being obvious with their clothing people still can't get it right.

It was the most bizarre thing, I'd got mine and my best friends ds with me they were just coming up to 12 months, in the double buggy.
Some bloke said oh you have your hands full and I was like only today but they're both really good together and he said oh I thought they were twins.
I said luckily not one is my friends and he says Oh silly me they can't be twins cuz this one is a girl. Pmsl.
Xx

 

[jd83]

I agree with pp that the uncomfortable feeling is more from sometimes being unsure how to address the child, such as "he" or "she", as it can be embarassing if you get it wrong. Sometimes its hard to tell if they don't have a lot of hair, and young children can sometimes be hard to tell genders if not dressed in an obvious manner. That shouldn't stop you from dressing your child how you want to though, and I think its great that you choose a wide range of colors, styles for your lo

One of the pp mentioned having her lo mistaken for a girl in lime green outfit...Ditto here when in pretty obvious boy clothing, lol. Sometimes even being obvious with their clothing people still can't get it right.

It was the most bizarre thing, I'd got mine and my best friends ds with me they were just coming up to 12 months, in the double buggy.
Some bloke said oh you have your hands full and I was like only today but they're both really good together and he said oh I thought they were twins.
I said luckily not one is my friends and he says Oh silly me they can't be twins cuz this one is a girl. Pmsl.
Xx

Guess he didn't get the memo that there can be fraternal twins? LOL

 

[DaisyBee]

Jordan is just starting to get hair. And her name is Jordan. So unless she has a bow in her hair or a very girly dress everyone who sees her or reads her name on a form says "he, him, your son, etc." When she is dressed all girly she gets lots of comments about her eyes and how pretty she is. I'm trying not to take it personally. We knew when we picked her name it would be an issue but decided it was something we were ok with dealing with.

 

[staralfur]

I don't know anyone who is so concerned with gender that they wouldn't know how to treat a little girl who was dressed in boys clothing.

What do you mean by "sterotyped" comments when she's dressed like a girl? Or a boy? I guess I'm just confused as to what kind of comments you're expecting.

 

[wannabemomy37]

when babies/little toddlers don't have much hair it can be hard to tell what their gender is sometimes, based on what they're dressed in, if you don't know them.
however, there are many ways to address the child without saying "he/she" at all...things such as sweetie, cutie, honey, etc. still acknowledge the child even if you aren't sure of gender (because really...is gender even that important?)
if your daughter has no hair and you dress her in "boys clothes" it's kind of asking to question people, really, and this is coming from somebody who would be fine dressing a girl in blue but I would also expect to be correcting people now and again, and I'd be perfectly fine with that.
I think you're worrying way too much and overthinking things. i'm sure at one point or another you made a mistake on somebody's (child or adult) gender...
If I have my hair pinned up and wear my boyfriend's sweatshirt and big sweatpants I'm sure I'd look like a "boy" also