Rainbow #2 Where Are You?

[KylasBaby]

So here I am. Again. Currently waiting for the proper bleeding to start. This was my girlfriend and my first cycle trying for #2 and it ended in a chemical. Honestly I didn't have a great feeling about it from the start. The lines were very faint. At the same points with my daughter they were MUCH darker. So I don't think I got too attached as I had a gut feeling it wouldn't end well. I'm sad, of course, but I just try not to think too much into it.

Still spotting at the moment, but it's picked up and there are bits of red. Just glad it's happening on it's own. I needed a d&c with my first loss. Cramps are pretty strong and my lower back hurts. Have a nasty headache as well which usually comes right before AF as well.

Haven't decided yet about when we will try again. Depends on when the first official CD1 is. Might be this cycle. Might not be for a couple cycles. We want to avoid a Birthday over the holidays so there will be sometime we won't try.

So yep. Stay tuned . . .

 

[KylasBaby]

Today is definitely Cd1.

It's bitter sweet. Sad I have to be back at the start and have lost another baby and to never know that child, but I'm glad it's ended quickly and not become a long drawn out thing. Not feeling too bad st the moment. Crampy and back pain aren't bearable, but the headache is the worse. Took some Advil which I don't like to do.

Will have to talk with OH when she gets home later, but we will probably try this month

In the future I'll stay away from October. Both my losses were due in a October. My mmc the 18th this cp the 14th no more October for me.

 

[KylasBaby]

OH is in for a try this month! Only issue is donor dude will be traveling the 22nd. If I ovulate as I usually do that will be the 24th/25th. He said he can do donations the 20th and 21st. Ashlyn's donations were 8 and 5 days before O so I know he's got some staying power! I put half a lemon in one water a day one month and ovulated "early" cd18 so I might try that again. Or apple cider vinegar. I used the acv while ttc dd. Ovulated cd20 with her but can't tell if that was early or not as my previous 2 cycles before that were super long and I wasn't tracking O.

 

[Lovn.sunshine]

Following. Hope this cycle works out!!

 

[KylasBaby]

Welcome! And thanks.

 

[krissie328]

I hope this cycle is it for you.

Yesterday was also CD 1 for me. Fx for us both.

 

[KylasBaby]

FX for sticky beans for us!

 

[wantingagirl]

Hi Hun

Sorry I didn't know hope it's soon for you! Still trying here hit the 3 year mark xx

 

[Bubbles1088]

I'm here!

 

[KylasBaby]

Hey guys. Haven't been on here for a while. Probably will be taking a break. Maybe indefinitely.

Lot of events recently have made me realized my feelings for OH have changed long ago and I don't think I can keep living like this anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do. We just bought a house and I don't have anywhere else to go where I can take Ashlyn, but I will have to figure it out. Doing a lot of soul searching

Thank you all so much for following me through my journies with my mmc and Ashlyn and my cp. you guys are amazing and I wish you all so much luck!

 

[krissie328]

I'm sorry things are not how you'd hope. If you need to talk we're always here.

 

[Lovn.sunshine]

Aw sorry to hear that. We're here for you if you need to talk/rant/whatever.

 

[KylasBaby]

Thanks ladies. I'm just at my limit. Honestly I probably haven't been in love with her for at least a year. When Ashlyn was very little maybe even when I was pregnant with her. She hasn't mentioned anything about he cp or asked me how I'm doing once and I think that's pushed me over the edge. I resigned myself to the fact this was my life a long time ago bc I have Ashlyn and she needs this and I have nowhere to go and can't afford a place for us on my own but I can't do this anymore. My stomach is in nots. I lost 5Lbs over 2 days last week when I couldn't eat anything. Anytime I try to eat now I can only get a couple bites before I'm nauseous. I'm only 27 I have so much time ahead of me I should be happy. Just not sure how to do any of it....

 

[Lovn.sunshine]

I'm sure it's going to be tough but you'll get to a happier place eventually. I agree, you're young, you have your daughter, you need to do whatever it takes to be in a better place. Your daughter will thank you for it later. All kids just want their parents to be happy, even if that means they are happier apart.

 

[confuzion]

I'm so sorry Kyla. You definitely have your whole life ahead of you to resign yourself to being with someone you don't love (and I'm sorry I wasn't here for support when you got your BFP and then dealt with a loss ). Please stay around and let us know you're ok. I know it's too hard right now but maybe you could stay with your mom and get some space until you figure things out? Maybe you'll feel differently when you reevaluate. Thinking of you.

 

[wantingagirl]

So sorry Hun message me if you need me you know where I am xx