Rant about SIL...Tell me what you think...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by maythisbelove, Nov 18, 2011.

  1. maythisbelove

    maythisbelove Well-Known Member

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    So my sister in law informs me that when the baby arrives she doesn’t want ANY friends or family at the hospital or at home until she says otherwise. This really upsets me. I get her reasoning to an extent, but did she not think it would upset a few people along the way? Friends not allowed coming for awhile is totally understandable, but FAMILY? REALLY? I am not allowed to meet/see my niece until she is three weeks or so old? I am only upset that I won’t be able to meet my niece. I understand her reasoning, but having family around her isn’t going to harm her or the baby. FIFTEEN MINUTES is all I asked. “Well I don’t want kids around her either since she isn’t vaccinated” UH HELLO If anything it’s MY kid at risk since my kid IS vaccinated. I asked her “Okay, so what if your brother was here, would he be allowed to see his niece?” She said “No.” I said “Okay, so once we have our baby, you won’t be upset that I wouldn’t want anyone around” She said “No.” WTFever, yeah you would. Having a baby is a special and wonderful thing. Not only is she her daughter, but it’s someone’s granddaughter, niece, cousin, etc. We want to meet her and join in on the special first days. babies change a TON in that first month. Why would you deny your family witnessing that?

    She stormed out upset at our disagreement. Now I have this feeling that all my in-laws are going to dislike that I disagree with this decision. I am allowed to have an opinion as she is as well.
     
  2. Kristin52

    Kristin52 Well-Known Member

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    I'm the same as your SIL, unfortunately. So I can completely understand where she is coming from. She's not saying she'll never let anyone meet the baby, she just doesn't want it right away.

    Maybe you two can agree on something, but she has the last say. Some people just like to be alone with their newborns.
     
  3. YoshiPikachu

    YoshiPikachu Mama to Hannah and Joseph

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    That would upset me also.
     
  4. bumpbear

    bumpbear First time mama

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    There seem to be a lot of people with this approach these days. I find it extremely strange to exclude family, but it's her child so up to her I guess and if I were you I would just respect her wishes rather than try to force my opinion on her. You can use the different approach in relation to your own child, and perhaps when she sees how much your family bond with your newborn, she will feel sad that she missed out (or maybe not!)

    I can understand not wanting other small children around the baby completely though - I have heard a lot of new mothers feeling concerned about germs etc because even doctors say that small children carry all sorts and are likely to pass illnesses on to each other very easily. Thats why they dont allow young children to visit at maternity wards. I have a lot of young nephews and nieces and will be happy for them to come and see our LO at home when she is a newborn, but will def limit extended contact for the same reason as your SIL. If any of them are coughing or sneezing, they'll have to wave from afar or stay away altogether - that goes for sniffling adults too!
     
  5. maythisbelove

    maythisbelove Well-Known Member

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    I get her reasoning, but did she not think people would be upset based on her decision? We are allowed to be upset! Yes the children around I understand..Excluding family "until notice otherwise' is what upsets me...:(
     
  6. lori

    lori Mom to Simon & Oliver

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    I understand where your SIL is coming from to be honest. I was so sick of everyone wanting to pop over after I had my son. Everyone wants to sit around and cuddle the baby while I serve them coffee... what a freaking joke. I wanted to same thing your SIL does, but I ended up caving because it just wasn't worth arguing with some family members. We let people visit us in the hospital (briefly and not right after the birth), and then I just refused to feel guilty for ignoring the phone for awhile.

    I'd say let them have their private bonding time if they're asking for it. Your niece will still be tiny and new even if you have a wait a few days.
     
  7. maythisbelove

    maythisbelove Well-Known Member

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    She isn't talking a few days hun. Weeks!
     
  8. Jlh05

    Jlh05 Mum to Pollyanna

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    Apparently she just can't plan anything yet. What if her water broke suddenely, maybe one of her relative will be there. Earlier I was making plan who will and when, but then I realise you just can't plan, you just don't know what wud happen, if my husband out to match, my parents out to holiday - they book it before I found I was pregnant my due date is on the say they fly in. Then my grandad would be the only choice to b there until my husband arrives. What if her oh is really sick does this mean he will b with her like u said she don't want anyone to b near her baby till its vaccine? Just saying my views, obvouisly everyone is different :) I've decided all I want is my baby out safely no matter who will be there :) x
     
  9. Kristin52

    Kristin52 Well-Known Member

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    Don't worry, you will see her. Arguing about it with her, will probably just turn her off to it more :shrug:

    You's will get it sorted hopefully. But make sure you respect her wishes, because otherwise that's probably just asking for a whole mess of trouble.
     
  10. Katie1

    Katie1 Well-Known Member

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    Weeks is definitely a bit much. You know... women for centuries have been having babies and have had family and friends around directly after it's born. I will let my family and friends hold mine when it's born. There is no way I would keep my blessing (and their blessing) from them.
     
  11. DukesAngel

    DukesAngel Well-Known Member

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    I plan on having nobody at the hospital and being alone with my baby for the first week. At the end of the day, you have to remember that this is HER baby and its HER wishes that she wants to be carried out. You will have a lifetime of years to cuddle this baby.

    My way around it is that the Saturday after mine is born I'm going to have a small get together/bbq at my inlaws house. That way everyone can meet and greet, I don't have to clean up any messes, and nobody is just dropping in on me. It also gives me time to get used to my new baby.

    Maybe suggest that? Hosting a get together a week after birth where you do all the work and only she has to show up with the baby?
     
  12. maythisbelove

    maythisbelove Well-Known Member

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    Yeah a lifetime of it, but everyone wants to experience the "first few days" hell even week of their life!
     
  13. jules22

    jules22 Preggers :)

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    I was the same with my son. I just had a friend who let everyone in the world come to her house and the baby ended up getting some random virus that someone had, and she didn't know it and gave it to the baby and the baby died. That is a totally random and probably a one in a million chance but sometimes you just don't want to take it. I do let my family members come though. I make them have a fresh shirt on and wash their hands. If their kids are sick I won't let them come.
     
  14. Thorpedo11

    Thorpedo11 Well-Known Member

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    I think every woman is different. Im not letting any of my family members come to the birth of my lil one. But i am going to inform them when the baby is born. (Im having my birth in a birthing center and there is a very small waiting room, and i get to go home same day) So after the baby is born family can come and see my baby. But thats only when i feel good. I sure right after i give birth and go home, i will want to rest and not deal with a bunch of people
     
  15. zephyr

    zephyr Mum of 5!

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    I think shes being very unfair! I can completely understand the first few hours, couple of days, heck even the first week, but a few weeks old is a bit harsh. I hope she changes her mind. Maybe she will want to share the baby with everyone afterwards when she sees how special they are!
    I'm delaying visits for a few hours after the birth and limiting them to what I am comfortable with over the first week, I don't think I could ever make everyone wait till a couple of weeks old though!

    Dukes Angel - that's actually a pretty good idea having a bbq a week later!
     
  16. mgmtb

    mgmtb Active Member

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    But why does she need to do something she doesn't believe in just to make you happy? and common you know that your older child of course is more immuned to all the viruses out there and could infect the newborn with a simple flu/cold. Sorry to disagree....
     
  17. maythisbelove

    maythisbelove Well-Known Member

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    It's okay to disagree and have your opinions. I don't mind at all! Thank you for responding.

    But does that mean I have to keep my toddler away from my newborn when I give birth in March? Does any mother with more than one kid keep the other kids away?
     
  18. jenniferttc1

    jenniferttc1 mommy of 1 baking #2

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    I totally understand why your upset. I find it a bit strange to not let baby meet friends and family, but then again where im from everyone is in the waiting room, waiting to meet the new baby. Never met anyone in real life that wanted to exclude baby from the world for more than an hour.
     
  19. Jaylynne

    Jaylynne Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I'd be a little unhappy with 3 weeks! I agree with no one with colds/sick and everyone wash their hands, but almost a month after birth is rather excessive for healthy adult family.

    My SIL was a bit protective of my niece when she was first born, but my niece was a bit preemie and in the NICU for a week so that I get. I never argued with washing my hands as that's just common sense and I didn't ask to hold the baby. I just wanted to see her. We had a miscommunication when my niece first came home from the hospital. My SIL had a family gathering/my brothers birthday to see my niece and I planned to leave my then soon to be stepson at our neighbors house so my fiancé (now DH) and I could come. She called and only wanted me to come- no fiancé and no stepson claiming she wanted to keep germs down. I was upset at no fiancé as he would just stand back to look and he's family! Then the night before the birthday I went on Facebook and saw pictures from my SILs sisters kids holding the newborn and kissing her. I was livid and didn't go to the birthday as if they didn't want my fiancé there claiming germs, don't let a 3 year old daycare baby kiss a newborn.
     
  20. SawD

    SawD Well-Known Member

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    your newborn will be used to the bacteria you are used to. Hers will be used to what she has been exposed to. Some one can come into your home and get ill, even if its virus free. They are not used dust/mold/animals.. ect that is in your home. This happens to me, even in the most clean of homes I often get ill. yet my home is messy. I wish it was cleaner i really do. Its nothing to be offended about. 2 weeks is not bad. 3 eh maybe a bit much. I do not know her so can not say. I am only letting 3-4 people meet the baby a week after he is born. then no one for at least another week. i have a low immune and could get very ill after such an event, let alone i plan on breast feeding so will not beable to take anxiety meds for awhile. too many people would send me into sensory over drive. for me its not just the childs health i have to worry about, but also my own. its a very trying and tiring time. when I am ready i will be bringing him out to meet people. When I am ready, not anyone else. anywho, good luck :) i hope things work out.
     

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