Rant alert - not enough sex to make a baby :(

[Laura27]

Right, that's my plan!! I'll cover myself in pheromone spray then waft over him while he's asleep!! Hehe!!

 

[BeachyFeelin]

Hey Laura - I know I'm late in the game but I just wanted to say that I feel your pain. I am in almost the exact same boat. My OH and I really don't have a whole lot of sex. Mostly because we are both so tired at the end of the day it's just the last thing on our minds.

It sucks when Ovulation happens during the week because he knows if I instigate sex it's because of that and he almost instantly gets turned off because he thinks that is the only reason I want to BD. I am not a very sexual person, so it's hard for me to instigate anyway. We also have completely different sleep schedules...I'm an early to bed, up early kind of person and he's a late to bed and sleep in kind of person so on the weekends sex is REALLY hard to come by.

The only thing I can say is to not let it get you down. Like some other ladies have said, I think you should accept the fact now that this may take some time. I know once I accepted that it became a lot easier. At this point I have stopped taking OPK's and only chart so I know when I HAVE ovulated. That way I know if we even stand a chance that month or not. Remember, it only takes on little spermy!! (I know that's so overused but it's true)

 

[BeachyFeelin]

Right, that's my plan!! I'll cover myself in pheromone spray then waft over him while he's asleep!! Hehe!!

I was obsessed with that stuff in college!! Haha...don't remember if it worked in my favor or not :/

 

[newlywed2013]

I tried to make sex fun, dressing up in little nighties and whatnot. The month I got pregnant we only had sex twice because I had a bad cold, and ta-dah!

 

[Laura27]

Thanks ladies, I feel better now I'm thinking of booking a couple of nights away for us to just be on our own and away from the stresses of working etc. I find it SO SO hard to compromise and see having a baby as my right now that he's agreed to it but I guess i'm not seeing it from his point of view

 

[ft108]

Jumping in here a bit late but to some extent I'm in the same boat, and don't bd as much as I'd like I guess because my oh is a lot older than me and he is tired during the week after work and having a long commute. So usually we only dtd saturdays and sundays. Since ttc for the last couple of months the days around ovulation I have managed to get in extra bds so for the last 2 months we bd'd the day before ovulation and the day after.

I don't talk to him about any of my fertility tracking despite being obsessed with it as I don't want him to feel pressured. On the days around my ovulation when I want to dtd and its a day we usually wouldn't i.e. it's not the weekend, when we go to bed I'll just make out like I'm really horny *sorry tmi alert* and tell him I'm going to 'pleasure myself' I'll get him to find some porn for me to watch on his laptop and most often that gets him in the mood but as of yet I've not pressured him into having to dtd with me then unless he wants to and in the last two months its worked out for me. Though having said that if he were 'able' so to speak but didn't act on it I probably would instigate a bd.

Good luck x

 

[clucas1988]

Since he agreed to TTC.... I'd do this! Tell him you're not TTC any more and say you're sorry , leave it a few weeks, buy some sexy underwear and oh look! You're pregnant! And he got what he wanted,and so did you! X

 

[kashzee]

I found with my husband when I spoke to him abt TTC he closed up [he was worried about financials!] so after that one experience I decided not to bring it up again and just go with the flow! I've realized that putting this pressure on both of us takes the fun away from sex-and yes I was putting pressure on myself, checking days I was ovulating and if we didn't do it I would get upset meanwhile looking back at it, it's not very considerate of the other person is too tired one day and you want to pressure them into it lol. Sperm lasts for a few days so trying for every other fews days is good.

So in conclusion, loosen up, have fun, stop stressing its better for you and you're more likely to conceive!

best wishes!

 

[amariee]

My husband has his moments where he just can't keep up as well, it gets very frustrating, trust me I know...It's like ok, well you can give it to me any other time but when I need you the most it's difficult.

 

[Laura27]

Thanks lovely ladies!! Nice to hear some people are in the same boat lol! However the sex is BACCCCCCKKKK!!!! I'm so happy, had a really open and honest convo about it last night (which he instigated) and he basically said he is sorry he isnt as excited yet but he's really looking forward to when i'm pregnant! And I apologised for putting on the pressure and said I hadnt meant to. Then as if by magic....a few glasses of wine and BAM....amazing sex!! Nowhere near ovulation at the moment but I dont care!!

 

[bubbles_cymru]

We don't either tbh. DTD once Saturday before Ovulation and once during ovulation. Hubby said he gets so disappointed when we don't conceive he just wants to be spontaneous and not chart ovulation etc which I kinda understand.

Such a frustrating time x

 

[Laura27]

It's really hard to see it from the mans point of view....they've got the whole expectation of success on their shoulders! Also, as soon as the decision to TTC has been made then the purpose of sex completley changes so it must be a bit of a turn off? They dont get the excitement of testing like we do and then actually carrying the baby!

I dont know about anyone else but my DH didnt even know there was a fertile window...he thought it just happened whenever! But I wont be trying to explain OPKs and the like to him again...he was like a rabbit in headlights and I ended up feeling really down that he wasn't as excited as me!

 

[bubbles_cymru]

...and it is easy to get carried away and obsessed with ovulation dates and temperatures etc. I am trying not to focus. He asked me last night when I'm due on and I said no idea, stopped tracking as you asked me not to (even tho I secretly know exactly when)

 

[Laura27]

Bubbles - my DH asked the same last night, I just responded saying I wasn't sure! I really want him to be as into TTC as I am but spending all my time and energy forcing him to be is making both of us stressed and ultimately delaying conception!!

 

[amanda111308]

I have had trouble with my DH the past few cycles and ultimately I ended up having a serious sit down with him and posted a calendar and said these are the dates and times we are having sex. He was annoyed at first and then I said you are disappointed every month when we don't conceive and I said its because we are not seizing our opportunities enough. Timing is important whether or not you believe that. I have talked to doctors and done my research on this and you need to believe me that once or twice is not enough especially when I am not fertile.

I don't go into details but I laid it out flat and factual for him and now we are faithfully doing the SMEP this month and I am currently typing this with my legs in the air post bd. This method doesn't work on every guy but my DH does better with facts and bluntness. Which I dished on cd8 before it was a fight about what we should have done and wasted another month.

 

[Kallie3000]

I've noticed an INCREASE in my husband's 'activities' with me since we started TTC. I asked him 'did you want me to tell you when we need to do the dance, or is that too much pressure'? He didn't want details, but he wants a baby too, so I think the fact that he has a) the desire and b) the understanding that it is a direct correlation between BD and a baby is what definitely increased his mood.
Should maybe you guys be thinking about going to counselling to figure out what the real reason for the holdback is? Like, maybe he has a lot of fears that you guys need to work through?

 

[Venus13]

It's really hard to see it from the mans point of view....they've got the whole expectation of success on their shoulders! Also, as soon as the decision to TTC has been made then the purpose of sex completley changes so it must be a bit of a turn off? They dont get the excitement of testing like we do and then actually carrying the baby!

I dont know about anyone else but my DH didnt even know there was a fertile window...he thought it just happened whenever! But I wont be trying to explain OPKs and the like to him again...he was like a rabbit in headlights and I ended up feeling really down that he wasn't as excited as me!

Oh my goodness your story sounds like mine, always have an issue with the sex timing, DH is so stressed with work but when we on the fertile week he seems so switched off, I try ask, initiate, etc... Nothing sometimes works. Land up so upset with him, very hard on the relationship.

Actually had a fight tonight because we have just come into the TTC stage again after our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. When I fell pregnant in December was during holidays and he was relaxed and drinking and we had lots of sex and I fell pregnant, no chasing him. So when I lost the pregnancy in February I thought oh no, another 6 months of chasing him! What I am hurt about now is that I have asked him everyday since Wednesday and he always says later or in the morning and still nothing, I am hurt because he knows how hard last few weeks have been and how badly I want to be pregnant again. So hard but I do blame him now.

Thought of maybe not telling him when I ovulate or when it's time to DTD but he knows it's for that I think, or I worry he says let's do it tomorrow and then I can't say tomorrow is too late! Aaarrgg! Why can't we TTC like when we first met and we would have sex all the time!!!!

Laura27 glad to hear you are resolving things.

 

[Zephram]

My OH hates the pressure and being told 'we have to have sex now to make a baby', he finds that a total turn off. So I don't tell him that, we've really only just started NTNP for our second, so I'm hoping he'll be in the mood at the right time this month! I think he actually has unrealistic expectations about how easy it is to have kids, haha, as with our first we literally go pregnant after one shag, we know exactly when it happened as we only had sex once in about a three week period due to being sick and busy. So I think he thinks it's an easy thing, where I know that we were probably extremely lucky the first time around and there's no guarantee it won't take months this time around. Because of this I don't think he knows he has to make an effort!