Rant: I can't even handle this today

[dakotadawn]

This has been the worst weekend of my life. Between driving hundreds of miles for absolutely no reason, to locking myself out of my house without my phone. Unfortunately, today I found out news that put the cherry right on top.

My best friend for eleven years (we haven't talked much in the past two years since I've moved and she's started making new friends) is pregnant.

Now, to put this in to perspective, we never thought she could get pregnant. She is still constantly drinking and doing drugs (still in her party phase) and and living at home with her mother. She was never there for me during my miscarriages, and my ex fiance and I breaking up... I honestly thought I would be married with children before she ever was...

I don't even know how to handle this right now. I've always been okay with everything because I thought that at least I have ONE friend without children still. I'm not the very last one... well... now I am. Now I have absolutely no friends without children.

I just need some friendly words...

 

[Caite]

I'm so sorry you feel like this . It does get a little easier to handle

 

[dakotadawn]

I know it will eventually, it's just really really hard today. I had a bit of a breakdown as soon as I saw it on Facebook. I called her, but she never answered, and my boyfriend lived 95 miles away so... I'm feeling a bit out of place right now.

 

[Mrs. Tigger]

 

[dakotadawn]

I mentioned to my father that she is expecting and he replied with, "Why do these girls even want to bring more babies into this messed up world is so far beyond me I don't know what to say. selfish. thinking about themselves being a mommy and not that the population is way way way too high as it is".

I could scream. He doesn't know about either of my miscarriages. I'd like to see what he would say when/if I do ever have children.

EDIT: he told me I'm being selfish for thinking that, "being a mommy over-rides taking care of the planet". (his words)

I think I can say that I hate everything today.

 

[Mrs. Tigger]

EDIT: he told me I'm being selfish for thinking that, "being a mommy over-rides taking care of the planet". (his words)

Well dang. I can somewhat see from his perspective, at least the concern for the environment (I too have a lot of concerns about the exploding population problem, which is why DH and I decided we don't want more than 2 kiddos -- if we have more than 1 at all -- because we feel that is what is socially responsible). But I don't get the reasoning that people should stop having kids completely . . . . if that happened, there wouldn't be anymore humans after a generation or two, now would there?

Some people are just silly -- and he sounds like one of them Also, some days are just crappy, and this sounds like one of them

Tomorrow is Monday, let's hope for a better week

 

[apreslaube]

Us too Mrs. Tigger - one and then adopting. We both feel very strongly about the morality and ethics about all that.

DakotaDawn, does anyone in your family know about the miscarriages? I would HOPE he wouldn't say that kind of stuff to you in that case. Oh my, I don't get the "party phase" to that extent at all. I hope this knocks her out of it - for the child and her sake!

::Hugs:: I'm really sorry you are dealing with that. Your time will come. When it does, it will be amazing. We are here for you!

 

[dakotadawn]

Nobody in my family knows. It was with my ex fiance' and the first was too early to even announce it, and the second was while we were splitting up and moving out. My father doesn't even know that I want children.

 

[Pirate]

It doesn't get easier, in my experience. It just sucks when you spend so much time wanting a baby and then spend so much time trying for a baby.

I really hope things get better for you and you'll be able to start trying soon!

And since I don't see many Pennsylvanians here, where are you from? I'm in Pittsburgh.

 

[dakotadawn]

Pittsburgh as well! Hello!

My boyfriend actually plans on proposing soon. He is keeping me on edge about it all, haha. In passing he mentioned trying in about four years, which is fantastic for me. He's going to Pitt right now for pre-med and whatnot, so he still has some schooling to do.

This thing with my friend really hit me a lot harder than I thought it would.

 

[Eleanor ace]

. I remember the feeling of WTT for my first and finding out friends were expecting, it really hurts. It must be hard when you are worrying about her capacity to parent well. However hopefully she will suprise you- a lot of women aren't neccesarily in the best place to have a child but actually being pregnant gives them the incentive to turn things around.
Could you try making some childless friends? Maybe starting up a new activity- an exercise class, a craft hobby- would give you the chance to meet new people and distract yourself from being surrounded by people with children. I found that a real help whilst WTT.
With your dad- he may well feel differently when it comes to his own grandchildren. I'm sure even if he doesn't agree with you having kids he will love them a tonne

 

[dakotadawn]

I moved to a new city in hopes of making childless friends. Not a single person has befriended me. I'm moving again in May to live with my boyfriend 100 miles away, so hopefully this new move will bring good changes for me.

 

[Pirate]

Pittsburgh as well! Hello!

What a small world!

 

[bornthiswayxo]

I hate it when I find out stuff like this! I've met many people who were worse off than I am when it comes to money and problems (I do have a few), and just rush into having children. It is infuriating :/


Good luck with moving in May!

 

[dakotadawn]

Thanks ladies. I needed the kind words I feel a bit better about it all today. It still hits me every once in a while and I get a wave of emotions, but it will get better. She and I talked a bit and I am truly excited for her, I just have to get past my own jealousy and mourning.

 

[dakotadawn]

Just now my cousin called to tell me she is pregnant. It never ends.

 

[fxmummyduck]

Aww, hugs to you. So sorry youre feeling like this but I think there are a lot of us here that understand. I remember waiting to get engaged and married later than all my friends and then they'd announce their pregnancies and I would just crumble for weeks at a time. I was so desperate to ttc and be a mummy. It will be your time eventually, and oh so special when it is. Good things come to those that wait. Just think what a great mum you will be cos youve had to wait and will appreciate everything.Best wishes hun, things will get better.

 

[darkriver]

I do understand how you feel. My 20 year old sister is on her third child and I was 25 years old before I was blessed with a child. Its very hard to swallow when your younger siblings have children before you.

 

[dakotadawn]

I can imagine it would be. It's kind of along the lines of my wedding that never happened (we ended up splitting up a few months before the wedding). My cousins (three, actually) got married less than a year after my ex and I broke up. The best part was my entire family helped them pay for everything, and joined in on everything, and not a single person ever congratulated me on my engagement.

My grandmother actually told me, "It will be your turn some day". Really? My one cousin said, "I bet you're probably living vicariously through me, and that's okay".

 

[darkriver]

I can imagine it would be. It's kind of along the lines of my wedding that never happened (we ended up splitting up a few months before the wedding). My cousins (three, actually) got married less than a year after my ex and I broke up. The best part was my entire family helped them pay for everything, and joined in on everything, and not a single person ever congratulated me on my engagement.

My grandmother actually told me, "It will be your turn some day". Really? My one cousin said, "I bet you're probably living vicariously through me, and that's okay".

I hate when people say that.