Rant: my life isn't moving forward

[BlueWater]

So an old work colleague announced she bought a house, couple months later she got married, couple months later she's pregnant. Her and her partner are both younger than me and my partner.

And then the other night she put a Facebook status "ranting" about those on benefits and how maternity pay isn't fair for those that work because those who aren't working get more benefits (BTW I'm not on benefits) and it just tipped me over the edge.

Here's me thinking she has this wonderful life a house, marriage and kids (and she and her husband also have a good job) and she has the nerve to moan about others!

The purpose of this thread is to confess that I feel a bit.... dare I say it... I feel a bit jealous... and sad.... I'm nearly 27 and although I've been in a relationship for 5 years I sometimes still consider myself single (in conversation it naturally comes out of my mouth that I'm single -idk why)

I still live at home, no marriage in sight and I'm kidding myself if I'm thinking I'm gonna have children.

I feel like my life is at a standstill.

And it annoys me seeing everyone on Facebook (more so those younger than me) with baby scans or getting married. -like I want that.

And no, it's not like I'm trying to keep up with the neighbours, I just pictured my life to move forward

ETA: OK I should also focus on my life's positives:
*I've a good job
*I've worked and still working hard on my degree
*I drive
*I have found the man of my dreams who one day will make my dreams reality
*I have nice dresses to wear
*and I like chocolate

 

[MummyKP]

Bluewater it's normal to feel a little jealous, I've been known to when seeing people announce pregnancies/just seeing a lady with a bump the past few weeks.

Your time will come I'm sure of it. Are you and your OH TTC/WTT/mentioning having a family ATM? Also, I am sure he will propose soon enough. These men keep us waiting (took my DH 8 years but we are childhood sweethearts and he didn't wanna propose when we were just 20 or something) and he won't show any signs that he might do it it'll come completely out of the blue for you.

You've got a good job, I'm guessing you're able to save some money seeing as you live at home, which is great (I'm jealous as we live in an expensive city 70 miles from home and our rent costs us an arm and a leg) as that money can go towards your future house/family

Lots of love xxx

 

[BlueWater]

Thanks. On the baby side we both "want" a baby but we're not planning for a baby. Sort of if it happens we'll be happy.
Although I'm working, OH isn't (I pray he gets something well paid soon) so with just my wage between us achieving some things seem distant.
As for marriage, OH just sees it as a piece of paper (changed his views since we first got together) so that's making me question my views on marriage.

When I was told in person about my work colleague buying a house I didn't even congratulate her! I was overcome with *it's supposed to be me*

 

[MummyKP]

I hope your OH finds something soon, that must be stressful!

Marriage is a funny old thing with men! It doesn't mean the same to them as it does to us women. In my own experience my DH has always wanted it but it just took him forever to ask lol but I know so many that feel the same as your OH, but still do it! What are your views on marriage?

Jealousy is normal, don't worry about that. When it's something you want it makes it all a lot harder! Your time will come, maybe sooner with a baby than you realise

 

[KatO79]

In my experience people who've had an easy time at life and gotten things easy are the quickest to be less understanding of those who have to fight/work extra hard to get those same things. Sometimes people who are so judgmental and condeming other have issues themselves and feel better by belittling others

I myself have taken 2 educations (one of them a Master's degree) but haven't been able to get a job since you need connections in this country to get a job in academia. People who have had those connections and had an easy time getting jobs don't understand my current situation and just see me as lazy or picky when I'm neither. I've applied for plenty of jobs well below my educational level but then I'm told I'm over qualified They have been quick to judge and blame me for this problem when the fact is I moved here age 16 so my parents didn't have many connections after I finished college. I've been TTCing for 1 year and 3 months and people who've conceived within those first 3-4 months have no understanding of my struggle. They tell me to "just relax and it'll happen" or some garbage like that. Even my SIL who used 5 years, mostly assisted conception, and finally conceived at age 46 doesn't show much understanding because "you're young and it'll happen."

Anyway I'm surprised that she dares moan about maternity pay because is she planning on not receiving any then I'd probably confront her on that one and ask her since she's so against it then she will be refusing to receive it herself? But it's probably not worth it, I just have a problem suffering fools sometimes Maybe you could go in on FB and set it to stop receiving updates on her profile so you can avoid reading her silly rants that sound like they're coming from a spoiled brat? I'm not sure how it's done but maybe you do?

As to marriage if your OH isn't interested in marriage you might need to decide what's more important: marriage or being with him. I know some people don't believe in marriage and just live together. One of DH's aunts has a relationship like that. Everyone to their own I always say. I personally enjoy being married and wouldn't be really into having that type of relationship but admit if DH didn't want marriage I probably would've chosen him in the end and dropped the idea of getting married because we're such an amazing fit

I think when TTCing takes a longer time and you're seeing others get their BFPs quickly, it's normal to experience some jealousy. I admit I feel it sometimes too, especially if it's someone who hasn't been trying for very long. But I normally quickly get over the initial jealousy and find a way to be happy for them and just hope next time it's my turn.

As to feeling your life isn't moving forward: it really is You have a good job, getting an education, have a boyfriend you love and will have a baby. That sound pretty good to me Don't go by everyone's standards. If I let myself compare myself to everyone else, I'd feel like I have a miserable and worthless life since I've become a homemaker and "not contributing to society" as they say here. I used to feel horrible about myself for not having a job but I've become happier not going by others standards, dropping the rat race and seeing all the positives in my life. Focusing too much on the negatives, well you'll never be happy then because there's always something negative you can focus on, even if you get what you want because there are negative sides to everything.

Hope you soon see how great your life is and enjoy all the positives instead of focusing on what you don't have because it'll make you a happier person

 

[BlueWater]

Thanks for your replies.

Marriage is a funny old thing with men! It doesn't mean the same to them as it does to us women. In my own experience my DH has always wanted it but it just took him forever to ask lol but I know so many that feel the same as your OH, but still do it! What are your views on marriage?

As to marriage if your OH isn't interested in marriage you might need to decide what's more important: marriage or being with him. I know some people don't believe in marriage and just live together. One of DH's aunts has a relationship like that. Everyone to their own I always say. I personally enjoy being married and wouldn't be really into having that type of relationship but admit if DH didn't want marriage I probably would've chosen him in the end and dropped the idea of getting married because we're such an amazing fit

Firstly to marriage, our background: I've always grew up around marriage - my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, all married, so for me I've always seen marriage as a natural progression, something that I know I will do, that's what the little girl in me wants. I'm indian so it's naturally my culture.
OH (who's white) he sees nothing wrong with not getting married, and living together without marriage is natural to him. He's grew up around divorce being common.

In 2011, he was all for marriage. We spoke about it briefly and that was that, just left the conversation there. In 2014, I brought it up, saying I can't stay with him unless he wants to get married. He said marriage is just a piece of paper and a waste of money. Even though I tried to convince him that I don't want the 'wedding' I want the 'marriage' two different things.

Anyway I've decided I don't want to break up with him because he wants kids and wants to live with me. So I've began to think about what marriage means to me, and why I really want to get married. I will write the pro's and con's in comparison to not getting married. Hopefully some time this year OH will listen to my list and he'll see why I want to get married. (I just hope I'm not pressuring him because that would be worse)

In my experience people who've had an easy time at life and gotten things easy are the quickest to be less understanding of those who have to fight/work extra hard to get those same things. Sometimes people who are so judgmental and condeming other have issues themselves and feel better by belittling others

I myself have taken 2 educations (one of them a Master's degree) but haven't been able to get a job since you need connections in this country to get a job in academia. People who have had those connections and had an easy time getting jobs don't understand my current situation and just see me as lazy or picky when I'm neither. I've applied for plenty of jobs well below my educational level but then I'm told I'm over qualified They have been quick to judge and blame me for this problem when the fact is I moved here age 16 so my parents didn't have many connections after I finished college. I've been TTCing for 1 year and 3 months and people who've conceived within those first 3-4 months have no understanding of my struggle. They tell me to "just relax and it'll happen" or some garbage like that. Even my SIL who used 5 years, mostly assisted conception, and finally conceived at age 46 doesn't show much understanding because "you're young and it'll happen."

Anyway I'm surprised that she dares moan about maternity pay because is she planning on not receiving any then I'd probably confront her on that one and ask her since she's so against it then she will be refusing to receive it herself? But it's probably not worth it, I just have a problem suffering fools sometimes Maybe you could go in on FB and set it to stop receiving updates on her profile so you can avoid reading her silly rants that sound like they're coming from a spoiled brat? I'm not sure how it's done but maybe you do?

I think when TTCing takes a longer time and you're seeing others get their BFPs quickly, it's normal to experience some jealousy. I admit I feel it sometimes too, especially if it's someone who hasn't been trying for very long. But I normally quickly get over the initial jealousy and find a way to be happy for them and just hope next time it's my turn.

Thanks a lot. It feels good to let some feelings out and feel normal, because I can't to my friends. My friends all say ''it'll happen, you're young, I had a baby at 40 etc etc''. I know we're not actively planning around ovulation, but come on, some people have accidental pregnancies, and I'm like really?!

Like I'm definitely not having a baby for benefits, but I just wish OH had a job. Of course it's hard getting a job, and getting a decent wage for that matter. I wish I could support us all on my wage but I can't.

As to feeling your life isn't moving forward: it really is You have a good job, getting an education, have a boyfriend you love and will have a baby. That sound pretty good to me Don't go by everyone's standards. If I let myself compare myself to everyone else, I'd feel like I have a miserable and worthless life since I've become a homemaker and "not contributing to society" as they say here. I used to feel horrible about myself for not having a job but I've become happier not going by others standards, dropping the rat race and seeing all the positives in my life. Focusing too much on the negatives, well you'll never be happy then because there's always something negative you can focus on, even if you get what you want because there are negative sides to everything.

Hope you soon see how great your life is and enjoy all the positives instead of focusing on what you don't have because it'll make you a happier person

Thanks for this, I know I should focus on the good in life. It feels like I'm focusing on what I haven't got (e.g. a baby) and it feels like that negativity is affecting the good in my life.
Problem is I can't help but think, ooo I'm 27 and I have no baby, no marriage, my partner isn't working, like how I expected my life to go. I've installed a ticking clock that I must have baby, marriage and a house before I'm 30.

Think I need to work hard to forget what I expected and 'wanted' from life, and focus on the here and now positive things.

But it's hard.

How can change the thoughts that I haven't achieved my long-term goals (marriage, house, babies) into something positive?

 

[KatO79]

Thanks for your replies.

Marriage is a funny old thing with men! It doesn't mean the same to them as it does to us women. In my own experience my DH has always wanted it but it just took him forever to ask lol but I know so many that feel the same as your OH, but still do it! What are your views on marriage?

As to marriage if your OH isn't interested in marriage you might need to decide what's more important: marriage or being with him. I know some people don't believe in marriage and just live together. One of DH's aunts has a relationship like that. Everyone to their own I always say. I personally enjoy being married and wouldn't be really into having that type of relationship but admit if DH didn't want marriage I probably would've chosen him in the end and dropped the idea of getting married because we're such an amazing fit

Firstly to marriage, our background: I've always grew up around marriage - my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, all married, so for me I've always seen marriage as a natural progression, something that I know I will do, that's what the little girl in me wants. I'm indian so it's naturally my culture.
OH (who's white) he sees nothing wrong with not getting married, and living together without marriage is natural to him. He's grew up around divorce being common.

In 2011, he was all for marriage. We spoke about it briefly and that was that, just left the conversation there. In 2014, I brought it up, saying I can't stay with him unless he wants to get married. He said marriage is just a piece of paper and a waste of money. Even though I tried to convince him that I don't want the 'wedding' I want the 'marriage' two different things.

Anyway I've decided I don't want to break up with him because he wants kids and wants to live with me. So I've began to think about what marriage means to me, and why I really want to get married. I will write the pro's and con's in comparison to not getting married. Hopefully some time this year OH will listen to my list and he'll see why I want to get married. (I just hope I'm not pressuring him because that would be worse)

In my experience people who've had an easy time at life and gotten things easy are the quickest to be less understanding of those who have to fight/work extra hard to get those same things. Sometimes people who are so judgmental and condeming other have issues themselves and feel better by belittling others

I myself have taken 2 educations (one of them a Master's degree) but haven't been able to get a job since you need connections in this country to get a job in academia. People who have had those connections and had an easy time getting jobs don't understand my current situation and just see me as lazy or picky when I'm neither. I've applied for plenty of jobs well below my educational level but then I'm told I'm over qualified They have been quick to judge and blame me for this problem when the fact is I moved here age 16 so my parents didn't have many connections after I finished college. I've been TTCing for 1 year and 3 months and people who've conceived within those first 3-4 months have no understanding of my struggle. They tell me to "just relax and it'll happen" or some garbage like that. Even my SIL who used 5 years, mostly assisted conception, and finally conceived at age 46 doesn't show much understanding because "you're young and it'll happen."

Anyway I'm surprised that she dares moan about maternity pay because is she planning on not receiving any then I'd probably confront her on that one and ask her since she's so against it then she will be refusing to receive it herself? But it's probably not worth it, I just have a problem suffering fools sometimes Maybe you could go in on FB and set it to stop receiving updates on her profile so you can avoid reading her silly rants that sound like they're coming from a spoiled brat? I'm not sure how it's done but maybe you do?

I think when TTCing takes a longer time and you're seeing others get their BFPs quickly, it's normal to experience some jealousy. I admit I feel it sometimes too, especially if it's someone who hasn't been trying for very long. But I normally quickly get over the initial jealousy and find a way to be happy for them and just hope next time it's my turn.

Thanks a lot. It feels good to let some feelings out and feel normal, because I can't to my friends. My friends all say ''it'll happen, you're young, I had a baby at 40 etc etc''. I know we're not actively planning around ovulation, but come on, some people have accidental pregnancies, and I'm like really?!

Like I'm definitely not having a baby for benefits, but I just wish OH had a job. Of course it's hard getting a job, and getting a decent wage for that matter. I wish I could support us all on my wage but I can't.

As to feeling your life isn't moving forward: it really is You have a good job, getting an education, have a boyfriend you love and will have a baby. That sound pretty good to me Don't go by everyone's standards. If I let myself compare myself to everyone else, I'd feel like I have a miserable and worthless life since I've become a homemaker and "not contributing to society" as they say here. I used to feel horrible about myself for not having a job but I've become happier not going by others standards, dropping the rat race and seeing all the positives in my life. Focusing too much on the negatives, well you'll never be happy then because there's always something negative you can focus on, even if you get what you want because there are negative sides to everything.

Hope you soon see how great your life is and enjoy all the positives instead of focusing on what you don't have because it'll make you a happier person

Thanks for this, I know I should focus on the good in life. It feels like I'm focusing on what I haven't got (e.g. a baby) and it feels like that negativity is affecting the good in my life.
Problem is I can't help but think, ooo I'm 27 and I have no baby, no marriage, my partner isn't working, like how I expected my life to go. I've installed a ticking clock that I must have baby, marriage and a house before I'm 30.

Think I need to work hard to forget what I expected and 'wanted' from life, and focus on the here and now positive things.

But it's hard.

How can change the thoughts that I haven't achieved my long-term goals (marriage, house, babies) into something positive?

Maybe try and really telling him you don't want ahuge wedding, just the closest family and friends and a little ceremony. My DH and I kept our wedding fairly small with about 40 guests. But you could of course have even fewer guests. I'm sure with his background, he's afraid of taking the plunge because his first experience of marriage was his parents' and they perhaps had a really bad relationship. He's afraid of going through that again.

As to TTCing, I know the feeling. We've been BDing around my fertile days for 16 cycles of nothing and I'm sure this 17th cycle will be a failure as well Some people are extra fertile and are lucky to be able to get pregnant quickly without really trying. It's not fair but life isn't always fair I know how annoying it is when people say things like that but in the end, they probably mean well and are trying to reassure you.

Hope your OH gets a job soon! I know how horrible it is to be without a job, I'm just lucky that it isn't so important for us and Dh will be able to support both me and our baby.

Perhaps you've heard the old saying "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" or "We make plans and God laughs"? I think in reality there are a lot of things that are out of our hands, however much we hate to admit it I doubt few have a life that goes exactly how they planned/expected it. It doesn't mean you're a failure, just that some things may take longer or perhaps your life is taking some turns you didn't expect but that may be good or interesting. You don't need to make it positive, I'm just saying focus on what's good and going right in your life instead of being so focused on what isn't happening according to your schedule. Just because things aren't happening when you wanted them to doesn't mean necessarily that those are bad things. I'm sure you'll acheive them in due time, just enjoy the positive things you have in the meantime

 

[crazycatlady5]

So an old work colleague announced she bought a house, couple months later she got married, couple months later she's pregnant. Her and her partner are both younger than me and my partner.

And then the other night she put a Facebook status "ranting" about those on benefits and how maternity pay isn't fair for those that work because those who aren't working get more benefits (BTW I'm not on benefits) and it just tipped me over the edge.

Here's me thinking she has this wonderful life a house, marriage and kids (and she and her husband also have a good job) and she has the nerve to moan about others!

The purpose of this thread is to confess that I feel a bit.... dare I say it... I feel a bit jealous... and sad.... I'm nearly 27 and although I've been in a relationship for 5 years I sometimes still consider myself single (in conversation it naturally comes out of my mouth that I'm single -idk why)

I still live at home, no marriage in sight and I'm kidding myself if I'm thinking I'm gonna have children.

I feel like my life is at a standstill.

And it annoys me seeing everyone on Facebook (more so those younger than me) with baby scans or getting married. -like I want that.

And no, it's not like I'm trying to keep up with the neighbours, I just pictured my life to move forward

ETA: OK I should also focus on my life's positives:
*I've a good job
*I've worked and still working hard on my degree
*I drive
*I have found the man of my dreams who one day will make my dreams reality
*I have nice dresses to wear
*and I like chocolate

I know you feel, maybe me sharing my story will help you feel a bit better. I'm 29. When I was 27 I also still lived at home and had been dating my boyfriend for not 5, but 6, years! I felt like he was taking forever to propose and how could I ever have kids if he wasn't proposing etc etc! I am now 29 and we are married and I no longer live at home! I hope that helps a bit, I just really connected with what you were sharing as I felt the exact same way not that long ago...

Anyway, now we are ttc and I'm also struggling with jealousy when I see friends and family getting pregnant so easily. Hope my time is soon!

 

[CMLittle719]

Aww I totally see where you are coming from. It is very normal to feel that way. Im 20 and I even get jealous because after HS I didn't go to college. I worked my @$$ off for 2 years and now I have a home, and a husband...everyone else around me is getting prego without trying or wanting kids and it frustrates me and DH. I pray you get all you deserve. It is hard to always look on the bright side, but I promise if you just put our faith in God he'll put you down the right path.

If you really want to get married move out and have kids, I would talk to him. Tell him how you feel.. maybe hell get it then or want it too...