Really feeling crap and need some advise...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by shellbelly, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. shellbelly

    shellbelly Well-Known Member

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    Hi everyone,


    So I had Thu and Fri booked off work, so did my OH. It was my birthday Thu and we had our 20 wk scan. Woke up feeling so happy and my mate came round to give me a card and she stayed whilst i opened my pressy's which was really nice. After she had gone my OH gave me a birthday card, baring in mind it was our first xmas together just gone and he didn't bother to get me a card.
    Anyway the birthday card he gave me was really cheap and it was obv he hadn't made an effort, i also found the wrapper for it hid under the bed and it had a sticker on it, cost 95p! He didn't even get me a present.

    Then i went in the bath and he sat in bed and went on his laptop. Later we went for the scan and they spent ages looking and firstly said it was a girl, i was so happy i cried as that's what i wanted, then dr said, actually we really can't tell so don't go out and buy any pink clothing!!

    It really disappointed me and they still charged us for the scan pic and it was crap!

    So then OH took me for lunch. After that we came home and he went straight on the PS3! So i went to bed early on my own about 7!!!

    What a shit birthday, plus i had an argument with my mum!

    Anyway the thing is, since i got pregnant my OH never ever tries it on with me anymore. He never pays me a compliment and it makes me feel crap.
    I am always trying it on with him and he's hardly ever in the mood. Anyway Fri i found out that he had downloaded porn to his phone. It makes me feel so shit, cos he doesn't want me but he would rather have a wank!!
    I have tried to talk to him about it but he is just nasty and laughs it off, it's like he's changed completely and doesn't even care that he makes me feel bad.

    I don't know what to do? I am usually a really loving caring person that loves cuddling and kissing and being close with the person i'm with but at the mo he just makes me feel like i don't want to be anywhere near him cos he won't show me any love or affection.

    I just feel so lonely and always thought that when i got pregnant it would be with someone who was really loving and supportive.

    xoxo
     
  2. Babybear1985

    Babybear1985 Mother of 1 & Expecting

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    awwww huni, bless ya....

    first of all the whole card thing....i think thats just a man thing....a card is a card to most men....my oh usually buys me nice birthday cards and valentines day cards but i reckon thats more cos the shops round here only do hallmark haha...nah i think some guys think about these things more and others dont so i wouldnt take it too personally....with regards to the birthday presents....and generally the day you had...well yeah thats not on....but if you dont let him know how you feel he will think its not a problem so you need to sit him down and talk.....

    with regards to the whole not going near you thing...my fella has been the same....on the physical side of things he wont, but on a mental side of things he has explained why and that he feels a bit strange about it when i have his daughter inside me....lol so there again i think you need to talk to him and let him explain....its very likely its not you its just the situation....and the porn....its natural for men...although mark has never been really one for that kind of thing but alot of blokes are and its very commen...most women prob just dont know about it haha

    i think sometimes as women becuase we are going through the pregnancy and everything is changing we forget sometimes how much is changing for our fellas.....i learnt this just from talking to mark and being open about things....he has his own worries too about me being pregnant...

    communication hun its the key....know its corny as hell and im only 25 so cnt believe im even saying it.....lol

    explain how you feel and sit him down and you might find out reasons to your questions which will make you feel better xxxxxx
     
  3. Macmad

    Macmad Happy mum of 2!

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    I'm not good at giving advice but sending you hugs!
     
  4. shellbelly

    shellbelly Well-Known Member

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    Thanks guys. I have tried talking to him but he just gets pissed off with me and gets angry and we end up arguing. I have just got to the point where i think i am not going to be as affectionate with him and i'm just not gonna initiate sex anymore. I am tired and sick of him making me feel crap. He doesn't even help me around the flat, i do everything and he just watches me struggle. I'm just gonna think about me and bump xoxo
     
  5. nalini878

    nalini878 Well-Known Member

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    hi hun,

    my oh is the same with the not coming near me and the porn. we have only had sex twice since trying for the baby, and Ive talked to him about it. He is just too worried and feels wrong, so he says. Im trying not to let it bother me for the time being. if nothing changes after then I will go mad!! xxx
     
  6. BabyMama2010

    BabyMama2010 Well-Known Member

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    My DH is the same! Christ, men are such babies themselves at times arent they! He hasnt come near me since I got my BFP, he says it feels weird to him. It doesnt really bother me too much as I cant be that bothered anyway! lol & yeah, he likes his porn. Used to drive me insane but I suppose its better than him going out & getting it elsewhere!

    Nalini - haha, how alike out DH's are!! xx
     
  7. sophie22

    sophie22 Well-Known Member

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    to be honest i think he sounds a complete well, something unpleasant. in my relationship it has been me not wanting to have sex, my bf is feeling bad about it, i can tell, but i just dont want him anywhere near me. im hoping its just pregnancy because i didnt feel this way before i was pregnant!
    with regards to your birthday, i have had my fair share of guys like that, however they did atleast make the effort to get me a present. usually i find its just because they dont think of things like we do, its not a big deal to them. but i would expect a present! i think you are right to feel the way you do xxxxx
     
  8. Babybear1985

    Babybear1985 Mother of 1 & Expecting

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    well if you have tried talking to him then he just sounds like hes just being an arse and you do right in just thinking about you and bump....bit blunt and straight to the point i know sorry but im one for trying to resolve things by being open and talking but just cos it works for me and my OH doesnt mean that it does for everybody else...such a shame cos hes missing out on a lovely time, you will only be pregnant with this baby once! xx
     
  9. shellbelly

    shellbelly Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all your comments girls. It's aboit 6am, been awake since 4! Tried it on with him yet again last nigth and he said he was to tired, but i recken he had sorted him self out already! Then in middle of night we both woke up and he said he couldn't sleep, so yet again i tried it on and he just turned away from me!

    I am so feckin fed up, and angry with him, just don't want to be near him right now. He still hasn't bothered to get me a present and i doubt i will get one!

    I can't go the next 4 months of this pregnancy feeling like this! :( xx
     
  10. Tiffa130

    Tiffa130 first time mom

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    Honestly some guys are just dolts when it comes to birthdays.

    I have a wonderful OH, he's very understanding & cooks/cleans & massages since getting pregnant.

    But when it comes to birthdays he is hopelessly clueless. Last year he let me keep my rent money !!!! After getting pissed for a few days I explained that I was upset because he didn't put thought into it & he could have spent 1/4 the money and I would have been happy IF it was something he put thought into.

    It's weird because he's always so great at Valentine's day (which I could care less about) and it's 7days before my birthday LOL

    Maybe give yourself a few days to be emotional & then calmly tell him how you feel & how a little affection can go a long way.

    Good luck ;)
     

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