Really gutted OH changed his mind :-(

[Girly123]

Well my OH has always said he wants to be married before we TTC which is fair enough. We have been together over 5 years and engaged since New Year with our wedding booked for August. He has said for a long time now though that we could start a month or two before the wedding if we wanted. I tried to get him to try 3/4 months before but he said defo not and max 2 before about a month ago. Tonight we were talking as he is now saying defo not before at all.

I said if I was due to ovulate a week or two before wedding could we try just during that time before rather than wait a whole extra month but he said no . I am gutted as I just don't understand why not.

If we tried in July the baby would be due in April ish time which I like and try in August it would be due May ish and if miss August month so it was September cycle it would be June. I have always wanted a winter or spring baby ideally rather than summer so a bit gutted. I know OH does as well and has said waiting until Dec/Jan would be better. I agree and I think I would stop trying in Oct/Nov but it makes me want to try in June/July/August so much more.

I hate to think we may have to wait another 8/9 months until Jan next year.

I came off the pill 2 years ago and it just seems like a constant waiting game arghhhh x

 

[apreslaube]

I would never encourage someone to TTC before marriage. There are many reasons that I won't go into for that, as I am not looking for any sort of ranting discussion. That being said, remember that it's pretty darn common to not conceive on your first try. Just because you start TTC in a certain month doesn't mean that 9 months later you'd have a baby. Some women try for a pretty long time. Are you really set on seasons for birth that you'd wait longer? I can't imagine doing that. I want to start trying now, but I know that that would be absolutely insane since I'm looking for a new job now. Once we are able (Dec/Jan) we'll be trying. I would say focus on the wedding and getting emotionally and spiritually ready for marriage (in a good, non-stressed way!).

 

[mylilbirdie]

Is the month the baby is born in really that important? It's normal for getting pregnant naturally to actually take up to a year of trying. Doctors say that each month leaves you a 25% chance of conception. Alot of people are lucky and get pregnant quickly, I'm definitely not one of those lol.

I think your fiance has the right intentions in wanting to wait. I don't know what your circumstances are, but I'm sure it isn't any ill will against you. I think he just wants to do the right thing, and that's rare these days.

I know how desperately wanting a baby feels and wanting to do it NOW. But if it's JUST for a birth month.... I guess I don't get it. Either way I wish you luck.

 

[Eleanor ace]

. Try to focus on the positives of waiting until after your wedding.
1) Once the wedding is over it is normal to feel a bit flat- all that build up and excitement and then it's over. If you have TTC to look forward to that will be so fun!
2) Morning sickness (or worse, hyperemesis gravidarum) during your wedding wouldn't be fun! If you were in the early weeks/months during your wedding there is a good chance you would be feeling nauseus or fighting off being sick which you don't want when you're walking down the aisle, trying to enjoy the reception etc. And if you got HG you might be in hospital on a drip which would obviously put a spanner in the works!
3) That pregnancy glow is a big fat myth for a lot of women . Vain as it is I'd rather not have greasy hair/spots/a puffy face/bloated stomach etc in my wedding photos!
4) Pregnancy can be pretty exhausting, I was in bed at 6.30pm most days between weeks 6-12 with my 1st. Not good if you have an evening reception planned that you want to enjoy!

 

[Girly123]

Thanks for the replies girls. I know exactly what you are saying and no the birth month isn't important if it means I can have a child at some point, just 'ideally' (hard as I know pregnancies don't ever work out exactly as planned) I would like a baby in those months. My reason is simple. I am a teacher and seeing the difference in progress children make between being born in sept-dec and those born June-August is HUGE!! No I know it isn't a set thing and there will be many children uneffected but from experience of working in every year group from the 4 year olds to 14 year olds there is a clear educational difference when children are nearly a whole year older than others in their class.

I also want to try early as i have had so many problems since a car crash and they have always said I may not be able to carry a child full term or get pregnant and then actually caring for a child with my medical problems is going to proove tough. I am 28 in September and for years the drs have all said don't leave it past 28 so I am fully aware of this date coming up quickly.

Please don't think I would only have a child in those months, that isn't what I meant. It is just an ideal. We all plan a time for a reason. If we wait to try in Jan next year then I would try non stop until we got BFP. As OH and me would prefer not to have a summer baby I think not trying for specific months on the first year trying wouldn't be such a bad thing.

I also have my first gynae infertility session with dr at hospital booked for early June which OH is coming to and I started my first pills to help my fertility back in Jan with my OH approval, so I don't want to waste options we are given now.

I know he loves me and wants to do the right thing, I was just so excited and now let down I guess xx

 

[JACKDOLL]

Hey, I would get onto baby making asap....I am married 3 years and still waiting to become pregnant. After loads of tests me & oh has unexplained infertility, it is very frustrating, had a cycle of IVF which failed and now on NO2 cycle. You spend a lot of your life trying not to get pregnant and once you want a baby sometimes it doesn't happen overnight. I'm with my hubby since I was 17 and on the pill since then, sometimes I wonder why I did I use a contraceptive for so long, maybe I should have let nature take its course! 11 years later still going strong but no baby... Starting to actually come with terms now that we could be childless...
I always hate when people put baby making on hold and plan to become pregnant this month because majority of the time it doesn't work out that way, so my advise would be talk with hubby and start trying now....
Good luck xxxx

 

[Pearls18]

I understand how you feel, I have fallen pregnant first time both times and know plenty of people that do, they say on average it takes 12 months but I think that is counting those with long term issues, nearly all my friends fell pregnant within 3 months of trying, I'm not trying to get anyone's hopes up but it's normal to want to start trying around the time you would like to conceive but just have the understanding it may not happen. But as you say with your health issues I think it makes sense to start sooner rather than later, you might be more relaxed too if you are a but more NTNP before the wedding rather than actively TTC after?

I would say though that I wouldn't recommend being much more than a month pregnant on your wedding day, some people really suffer in first trimester and even though I didn't get physically sick I had horrible nausea which I would have hated on my wedding day, but I totally understand as a teacher you have an idea of the best times, although am I right in thinking summer is the best time for maternity leave for a teacher? Just as a postive spin my babies were conceived in December and March so we have September and December babies, I'm well aware of the positives of this.

I find men don't like to talk in too much detail in advance, discussing when you can have a baby often feels like it is happening right now. You might be better off waiting until around the time you want to try and broaching the subject then? I'm a planner too though so I wouldn't be good at my own advice!

 

[Vickster1]

I'm absolutely desperate for a baby so I don't understand how planning for a certain month would even come into it. Also, odds are that you're not going to get pregnant straight away anyway. I'd say start trying as soon as you both agree and stop thinking too much about the month that the baby would be born.

 

[fxmummyduck]

Personally I feel some of the above comments are a little harsh. I understand you planned for something with your oh and he pulled the rug from under you and naturally, you feel disappointed. I can also see your reasons for wanting to start ttc a little earlier are very valid ones.

As for being pregnant on your wedding, I was, as we decided to try in Feb, we were married early April so I was about 7 weeks or something. Was sick and nauseous morning and night, honestly it didn't ruin my wedding day. Maybe I was lucky, I did feel like I was glowing despite bad morning sickness.

I suppose im just saying it's up to you how you feel about that, talk with your oh another time and explain how you feel good luck whenever you start ttc.

Also, a teacher too and I agree with preferring not to plan for a summer baby.

 

[Pearls18]

I'm just trying to find the part of the OP's post that said she isn't that fussed on a baby, only really wants one if she can have it in a certain month to the point she's thinking too much about it.....oh wait, she didn't say that, some posters must have been reading a different thread to me.

 

[girlinyork]

I had horrendous all day sickness with my DD up until 11 weeks. I wouldn't have coped with all the food around me on my wedding day. I'd have thrown up into it

I can understand your disappointment though. Don't fret over birth month - you're a teacher and I bet you could bring your baby up to speed easily enough. I think a lot of how children do in school is also to do with how committed their parents are to an education - both in and out of school

 

[Girly123]

Thanks girls. Mixed opinions on my plans and I understand that. Sorry if I seem to offend anyone saying 'ideally' I would prefer not to have a summer baby. I would love to have a baby it is just an ideal but life isn't that. I agree I need to leave it now until maybe late July and then I will speak to my OH again. It will be hard with my dr appointment coming up in early June though so may have to mention it then. We shall see.

I agree with the morning sickness etc on wedding day and it worries me but then I know a few girls who have been pregnant in early stages and heavily getting married and they have all had great days no matter what. This month is the first time I have had a proper period on my own for 10 years and it means I could have ovulated. So now I am praying if I ovulate again I will keep on doing. I am scared after 10 years of not that it may never happen that is all.

Thanks for your help though you have all made me see sense and I I've my OH and will wait until we are both ready. He needs to be 100% there for it to work xx

 

[Girly123]

Also the maternity for teachers I personally would think that having a baby due late sept/early oct is best. As then I could have the summer holiday to enjoy the last months of my pregnancy and get ready for the baby, go back for 2/3/4 weeks in sept and then have full maternity leave starting back at work for the last half term/few weeks before the summer holiday the following year to then have the whole summer paid as well lol.

But again that is an added bonus and a reality that probably wouldn't ever work out like that lol x

 

[Eleanor ace]

I don't think there is anything wrong with prefering to have LO in a certain month- we all have an ideal situation in our minds and your reasons are sensible. As a teacher you really do see how different a just-turned-four year old is to a rising 5 (or whatever age group you teach) and it's natural to want to give your child any head start you can in life.
I know that if, when WTT for our 1st DH had said we could start ttc at a certain date and then changed his mind I would have been devestated, however sensible his reasons. And with the potential complications you potentially face conceiving you are bound to feel 100x more upset about it .
Could you take your OH with you to your doctors appointment and ask your doctor to run over starting a family in your circumstances? Hearing why your doctor feels that medically it is best not to leave ttc for too much longer might help your OH to see things from your persepctive. I would never advocate pushing someone to start a family when they aren't ready, but your OH wants a family soon (by the sound of it) and could potentially face difficulty in achieving this, so it sounds like it would be good for him to get a refresher on the medical side of things so he can make an informed decission (even if that i still to wait until after the wedding).

 

[Pearls18]

Also the maternity for teachers I personally would think that having a baby due late sept/early oct is best. As then I could have the summer holiday to enjoy the last months of my pregnancy and get ready for the baby, go back for 2/3/4 weeks in sept and then have full maternity leave starting back at work for the last half term/few weeks before the summer holiday the following year to then have the whole summer paid as well lol.

But again that is an added bonus and a reality that probably wouldn't ever work out like that lol x

I think it's something to do with the pay, if you're due summer time then your "unpaid" period falls over the summer but then it means you can *technically* start work at the start of the summer holidays and get paid for it but you obviously don't actually go back until September. I've got a few teacher friends and each of them have said July and August are the best for leave, they have inside jokes about it lol but from what you say that's similar so maybe it's the same just after summer too. But I agree, I personally would aim for autumn as I know the difference it's meant to make.

 

[Pearls18]

Yeah what you say now I think makes sense, I don't know why they say summer, unless it means you can start the leave before the summer holidays and then go back after the next summer holidays so it's over a year of leave...confusing myself now, good luck either way lol.