really interesting article "the overprotected kid"

[AngelofTroy]

I found this fascinating, even my memories of my own childhood in the 90s are largely of outdoor, unsupervised play. I hope Micah gets a chance to take risks. It's strange though how despite no significant increase in danger, and even though I consider myself to be against wrapping kids in cotton wool, I just can't quite imagine giving him the freedom I had, roaming nearby fields with friends for hours with no supervision at primary school age… why is that? I loved my childhood, so what has changed that makes us all so fearful??

www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/03/hey-parents-leave-those-kids-alone/358631/

 

[RaspberryK]

We only had unsupervised play at that age in the street in front of our house it was a quiet cul de sac.
Or at my grandparents gatehouse in Scotland where it was so remote and we were allowed within the walled grounds of the castle.
I wasn't allowed out of my cul de sac to play til I was 13/14 and only under the guise of walking my nanas dog. Unless it was to benefit my mum in any way like walking to the shop or my brothers to school and to my school.
I'm 27 now...
Xx

 

[AngelofTroy]

We only had unsupervised play at that age in the street in front of our house it was a quiet cul de sac.
Or at my grandparents gatehouse in Scotland where it was so remote and we were allowed within the walled grounds of the castle.
I wasn't allowed out of my cul de sac to play til I was 13/14 and only under the guise of walking my nanas dog. Unless it was to benefit my mum in any way like walking to the shop or my brothers to school and to my school.
I'm 27 now...
Xx

I'm 26, and also lived in a quiet cul de sac, we were lucky I guess, as there were two fields that led off of our road and a whole tribe of local kids that we spent our time with in those fields or in the road on bikes and playing football. I guess my parents were always aware of where we were and we came back and checked in, but I just remember not feeling 'watched over'. We'd go camping every summer and although we'd do loads of great things as a family, my brother and I would run off first chance we got and find friends to play with on the site. We're still in touch with some! I remember being about 9 and my brother is 3 years younger, and playing in the river that ran through the campsite while my parents put up the tent in the next field over... we got soaked, came back and got told off and changed clothes in the car... 10 minutes later we found a rope swing... and we'd got soaked again! my poor parents, we had to find a launderette that holiday as we got through the suitcase of clothes in the first 2 days!

 

[alicecooper]

I allow mine play out as long as they don't leave the estate (which consists of Bole Close, and Fairfield Court, plus that field in front of our house). The 8 year old and the 6 year old have total freedom within the estate. The 4 year old has total freedom on Fairfield Court and the field, but he's only allowed onto Bole Close if he has an older sibling with him.

https://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b8/xena_uk2000/house_zps99c0704f.jpg

There are a LOT of children that live on our estate. Almost every house contains at least 1 kid, and all play out together all the time. All the neighbours know whose kid is whose, and everybody seems to feed everybody else's kid as well (ice creams, sweets, drinks etc.) It's like Ramsey Street (neighbours) haha!

 

[AngelofTroy]

I allow mine play out as long as they don't leave the estate (which consists of Bole Close, and Fairfield Court, plus that field in front of our house). The 8 year old and the 6 year old have total freedom within the estate. The 4 year old has total freedom on Fairfield Court and the field, but he's only allowed onto Bole Close if he has an older sibling with him.

https://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b8/xena_uk2000/house_zps99c0704f.jpg

There are a LOT of children that live on our estate. Almost every house contains at least 1 kid, and all play out together all the time. All the neighbours know whose kid is whose, and everybody seems to feed everybody else's kid as well (ice creams, sweets, drinks etc.) It's like Ramsey Street (neighbours) haha!

Sounds amazing!!

 

[whatwillbex]

I had a great childhood. In the summer my mum would pack me a lunch and I would go on my bike for rides with my friends all over inc country lanes etc. Mad when you think about it. Maybe there wernt as many cars on the road im 29 the youngest of 4 so maybe my parents did all the worrying with them. lol
We lived in a cul de sac too which I think helped. I cant imagine given her tht much freedom haha even though I had it.

 

[MumToEva]

Thanks for that - it is interesting! I would have said I was a reasonably laid back parent, but when I read Alicecooper's post I realise that I'm not really! (Not criticising in any way Alicecooper's, just got me thinking about myself, that's all!) We live at the entrance to a development and I get nervous when I see the children (4 years and upwards) flying down the hill into the development lying down on their scateboards - I regularly look out my kitchen window and am nervous about cars coming in too quickly and someone getting hurt! My children are too young yet, but I know I will not let them do it when they are 4 or 5! Yet I give my 2 year old lots of freedom to play inside the house, and in our own garden (providing I am in the kitchen with the door open). I grew up in the country so think that's partly why town living with children makes me nervous! Think I'm not as laid back as I thought!

 

[RachA]

Interesting article.

My children (6 & 4) are allowed out in our back garden unsupervised pretty much whenever they want. They also have a tendency to hop over the fence into next doors garden to play too but they do have to ask first.

We live on a side road but it tends to get busy as it's a cut through from the main road. I've just started to allow Daniel to cross our road to go to the people who live over the road but that's as far as it goes.
I think there's something in safety in numbers-the only children our twos ages are next door. If there were more of them I think I would be ok with letting Daniel play out the front of the house. But he would have to stay on our road as there are two very busy roads around the corner.
I couldn't let Esther out on her own as she can't talk properly and therefore wouldn't be able to tell anyone anything if she needed to.

 

[Noodlebear]

I don't agree there there isn't an increased risk to children these days and I think that's where our fear stems from. There's a park literally a 2 minute's walk from my house that's right next door to a doctor's surgery (which just makes me feel better as there are always people in and out). I couldn't say when I'd feel happy letting him go there but I think I'd be more relaxed about letting him play out here than where we lived before.

 

[jd83]

I don't agree there there isn't an increased risk to children these days and I think that's where our fear stems from. There's a park literally a 2 minute's walk from my house that's right next door to a doctor's surgery (which just makes me feel better as there are always people in and out). I couldn't say when I'd feel happy letting him go there but I think I'd be more relaxed about letting him play out here than where we lived before.

I think the risks are the same as they've always been, but I think in recent years there has been a lot more awareness made of the risks due to so many media outlets available now, which makes parents a lot more hesitant to let their kids do what we did as children. There's so many more modes of getting the info out there now that its kind of constantly in your face, making it seem like much more of a risk, too. Facebook, twitter, TV, radio, etc...parents didn't used to have all these different things constantly talking about and showing them the risks of letting their kids play without parental supervision.

i wouldn't say I'm relaxed, I can't even begin to think about when I'll let my kids play outside without me watching. Yikes. We have a large community pond off our backyard that worries me about drowning risks (I have a good friend whose son drowned, so I'm paranoid about that), live on a private street without sidewalks so its pretty risky for them to get hit in the road by speeding cars (they speed all the time) since there is no sidewalk to walk on. And although we picked the housing development because it was so nice, middle class, etc thinking it was low crime, we've since come to realize it gets hit quite a bit by criminals from lower income communities. Which again, is made so constantly aware to me by social media. I wouldn't even know how much houses got broken into without all the facebook updates, so I can see how in the past people didn't worry over that type of thing. But now that its in my face, I can't ignore it, and worry about my kids being out and coming in contact with these criminals. Honestly, sometimes social media is such a burden! LOL

 

[Noodlebear]

Before we moved I hated taking LO to the park or walking down to the shop because you could almost guarantee that there'd be a bunch of rowdy, horrible teenagers lurking around. That just didn't happen when I was a kid, they'd have been told to clear off and they'd have gone. In terms of serious and horrible dangers it's more to do with awareness but if my son decided he didn't want to go out to play because of the big kids or I didn't want him going out because of them I don't see that as being much different.

 

[jd83]

Before we moved I hated taking LO to the park or walking down to the shop because you could almost guarantee that there'd be a bunch of rowdy, horrible teenagers lurking around. That just didn't happen when I was a kid, they'd have been told to clear off and they'd have gone. In terms of serious and horrible dangers it's more to do with awareness but if my son decided he didn't want to go out to play because of the big kids or I didn't want him going out because of them I don't see that as being much different.

True. I agree its no different if the child doesn't feel safe either due to older rowdy kids.

 

[AngelUK]

My goodness I was out on my bike all day every day, deep in the woods and clambering down into the little river ravines that are all over the landscape in the part of Switzerland where I grew up. Our suburban village was still very rural then and there were cows with bells in a field above our house (all built over now) and even my way to school led just through fields with ancient trees and cows. So idyllic.
My mother didn't worry over much I don't think but I agree that the dangers were the same but the awareness wasn't. Just think of what we have learnt recently about how Jimmy Saville conducted himself during the 70s and 80s. Things like that happened more than we probably realise but no one knew it cause there was no internet and such things were largely hushed up - unless they were cases such as Ian Brady and Myra Hindley.
I think that if my boys were to grow up in Switzerland where I did, I would worry less for them. But living in London is a totally different ballgame.

 

[SarahP13]

That playground looks amazing! I think I like the combination of the kids having freedom and creating games but with a little adult supervision.

I used to be gone for hours around where I grew up- climbing trees, collecting (and returning!) frogspawn from the stream down the road, picking apples in the 'secret garden' we had round the corner etc, but the idea of my girls doing that terrifies me! I will try with every bone in my body to allow them freedom but I know it'll be hard. In fact my best friend (and godmother to DD1) has promised me she'll take them off for the day when they are older without letting me know what they're up to so I can't worry!

We live on a single track lane that is very busy so DD1 has already to learnt to walk on the side and to stop when a car passes. There's a shop at the end of the lane (less than 5 min walk) so I think I'll start by letting her walk there for milk on her own (when she's 7 ish I guess). Then she can walk 8 mins in the other direction to Grandmas on her own- at least I can check she got there ok! Unfortunately there is a busy road to cross on the way to school, with no crossing points, so it'll be a while before she is allowed to walk completely on her own there.

 

[SpringerS]

I really, really worry about what kind of generation of adults are being created when we don't give our kids freedom to free play as it's an essential part of growing up. Unfortunately I think things may be getting even worse than they were as I'm seeing more and more threads on different parenting websites criticising parents for not supervising their children in soft play centres.

 

[Noodlebear]

I really, really worry about what kind of generation of adults are being created when we don't give our kids freedom to free play as it's an essential part of growing up. Unfortunately I think things may be getting even worse than they were as I'm seeing more and more threads on different parenting websites criticising parents for not supervising their children in soft play centres.

I totally agree.

 

[scoobydrlp]

I had lots of freedom to play and roam when I was a kid, but I also had an older brother who was close enough in age that we played well together, and tons of neighborhood kids to play with too. Strength in numbers. I feel confident in saying that by the time LO is 6 or 7 I will be comfortable with her doing her own thing as long as there are other kids around in case something happens. I hope to have another child within the next year or two so that my kids are close enough to enjoy playing together.

 

[ktod]

I think one of the scariest things is the fact my parents had no idea where I was. We used to just go anywhere (I'm sure my parents assumed it was staying on streets close by) if I had gone missing I don't how on earth they were supposed to look for me!!

I suppose a part of it is 'safety in numbers'. It's not as if the children are out alone. They have other people with them which does offer a degree of protection.

 

[housewifey]

My brother was a year and a bit older than me and as long as we were together and said roughly where we were going then my parents would let us go out as long as we wanted. We came home when we were hungry or hurt (scraped knee) We knew not to talk to strangers or accept any sweets or anything from anybody. We played in rivers and climbed super high trees to make rope swings over the river! Honestly it saddens me to think that my daughter won't have a free childhood like mines! That park looks amazing btw!!

Also my OH has little brothers and sisters- they didn't know what Kirby was (the game when you bounce a ball back and forth across the street, off the kirbs?) They had never played hop scotch, the don't know how to skip with a jump rope?! They come in from school and sit on the xbox, wii, laptop until dinner and then rush through dinner and homework so they can get back on them before bed Makes me sad!

 

[Natsku]

Interesting article, that playground looks cool!

Maria plays out front by herself now, I figure the benefit of her getting some independence and maybe meeting some of the neighbour kids outweigh the risks by far. I intend to let her roam the forests and if we can afford it, get her a little rowing boat when she's around 10 or so to go out on the lake on. She'll be walking to school and back by herself from the start (7 years old). I am intent on letting her have as much freedom and independence as possible as I think its so important for their development and I have the luxury of living in a small town that is pretty safe.