really long one sorry but need advice from other mums

[mumof2girls]

Hi,

I have a 6 month old dd, a 4 year old dd (Grace), and 8 year old step son(jack) and 14 year old step daughter(jasmine).

Jasmine has been a total nightmare for the past 2 years, me and my husband have been together for 3 years and married for one and living together for 18 months. Things used to be really good with Jasmine and now its awful, I darent even speak in my own house half the time or even feel like I should be there. All she does is lie and steal constantly..... she has even stolen my knickers!!! She steals money all the time, she called me and her dad "a joke", she wont come home on time, is horrible to her brother but not to my dd (her step sister). She is cheeky, rude, selfish and I cant take anymore..... I and my husband have seriously tried everything we possibly can to make her happy. The girl has everything..... tv, ps2, computer in her room, stereo u name it shes got it! We have tried the usual taking away priviledges, grounding, talking, shouting NOTHING WORKS WITH THIS GIRL! Its coming to a point where I think my marriage will end because of her. We are currently going to therapy with her and even the therapists say our family is very happy and they love the way we interact with our kids and that the only child that seems unhappy is Jasmine..... the worst of it is when she behaves like this she never says sorry because she isnt sorry in the slightest and no matter what you say it doesnt bother her. She has had no contact with her bio mum due to mum being violent etc but for the past 6 years her dad has been there for her and although she has been through a lot it is not an excuse for this behaviour.

Jack has now also started lying and constantly hits my 4 year old daughter, and sometimes really scares her. My Grace is no angel by any means she is cheeky and sometimes tells the odd lie but nothing compared to the other two. I get on well with Jack and can handle his behaviour but I dont know what to do about Jasmine.... both me and my husband are at a complete loss with it all. Please someone give me some advice on what I can do before I walk away from it.... I dont want to do that as their mum did that and I dont want to be there mum if they dont want me to I just want them to be happy and have a good life! xxx

 

[babybaillie]

Hi im sorry i dont have any advice. But i do sympathise with u. My oh of 9 years has a 12 year old daughter. Then we have a 4 year old daughter and another daughter on the way.

His daughter is rude, she ignores our DD, shes cheeky, she ignores me in the house. She talks so common and swears, yet my OH does nothing about it. She sees her mum every 2nd weekend if she turns up and she lies to her mum about how i treat her. My OH even believes her crap. Yet if i meet her in the street at lunchtime or home time when im alone she talks away like im her best friend!!!! Like u ive been at the end of my tether for a long time. She even cuddles her dad now and draws me dirty loks?!?! WTF and when we are all out together she always goes straight between us to so we cant walk together. The way i see it is eventually she will grow up and move on then me and OH will have the rest of our lifes together. So as i have no advice for u, i can only say think of the future when she grows up and moves on, or changes her attitude. The older they get the less time they spend at home anyway.

Best thing is my OH can see no wrong in her. Or makes excuses for her. she gets away with murder. Theres no arguin with them so i just say nothing now. Or say nothing then explode when ive had enough......

Step families are a nitemare and if id known then what i no now, id have walked away 9 years ago.

 

[Shinning_Star]

AWW, thats harsh I'm sure you wouldn't! You have your own four year old and bubba on the way now.

It is hard though, I have some issues and mine is only eight. It's not quite as drastic as the above situes but I have no doubt it'll get there. We also have her most of the time and she see's her Mum at weekends. I have a lot of trouble with deceit, manipulation and whatever we say we're gonna do as a family she tells her mum and her mum does it first. All sorts of problems of course alot of it comes from her Mum, making her very competiative and my DF is exactally the same can't see any wrong in her cos she does exclwlently in school and has onwderful reports and isn't out and out naughty like my son. My son gets alot more flack. I've condemend him to even try and make Olivia our daughter like it.

I have no advice precisely tbh, and maybe i'm a fool for suggesting it, but wld it be worth her seeing her mother? I don't know but maybe she' appreciate you as a family more? I know my son bio father was violent and we have no contact, and I hope it stays that way, he's also only five so I wldn't even consider it at this age. And maybe you shldn't even consider it, but just a suggestion.

I guess it's a case of sticking with your rules, taking everything in her room away from her until she can proove her responsibility?

I'm also guessing alot of it is probably to do with hormones. I know girls are most defo the wost

I hope something works itself out, I sincerely do and when you do write it down for me so I can use it in a few years time.

Huge heaps of luck to both of you!

 

[mommy43]

can i just say my daughter put me through that exactly 2yrs of hell even being brought home by the police coz she thought shed stay out till midnight was a complete nightmare she has a stepdad but was brought up by him from very young age she seems to have grown out of it now toutch wood as has been said stick to guns no matter wot even if she breaks all the rukes keep enforcing them n punishing her when she does there were times when i was crying with frustration n didnt no what to do next nothing worked n my daughter said some down right nasty things to everyone in the family just take each day as it comes n stay strong it will pass eventually

 

[Dinoslass]

Teenagers can be so difficult.
I do understand and I can see why you would like to give up on it all, but please don't. Just stick in there, be a loving family and try to ignore her as much as possible. Sometimes it does help when they feel they are not part of it. Not always though and from what I read she is beyond anything. But on the plus side, she is 14 and only 4 years away of being an 'adult'. And girls even grow up quicker than boys so maybe in to years time she will start acting a bit more normal. It must be very hard though. Do you two still have any time together, like going shopping or so? She might like that and having a bound might help. Also maybe start treating her as a bit more grown up, give her some responsabilities. I don't know either, just try to think about some things. Has she ever said why she acts the way she does? At least she is nice to your 4 year old, so she can't be all bad. But lying and stealing is dreadful. Could it be attention seeking?
I wish you good luck anyways. Hopefully she will turn out to be a normal pleasant girl in the long run.

Hugs