I haven't posted on here in a while as so much has been going on. Back in August I posted my husband and I had separted due to him having bi polar - he turned out to be faking this and at the beginning of September I found out he had been having an affair with a 21 year old (he is 42) since we came back from our honeymoon in May this year. My whole world fell apart we had only just got married and I trusted him with out any shred of doubt, he left the family home and moved away to live with this girl who is unemployed and has no intention whatsoever of getting a job, basically she is using my husband as a meal ticket. He pays for all her nights out, clothes etc . During these 14 weeks we have been fairly amicable, he pays maintenence for Phoebe which I had drawn up by a solicitor in a financial agreement. We have conversations on the phone and in person like nothing has happened and we are still husband and wife, around 4 weeks ago he tried to come back and spent a week wooing me, moved this girl out and said we would be a family again. A few days later he changed his mind and moved her back in. She has been there ever since with still no job, does not get out of bed until 2pm every day and has no idea my husband comes to see Phoebe as she hates us. We have an agrangement where he comes every Friday and spends the day at mine playing with Phoebe, however I do know he comes to see me more than he does her. Stupidly I end up back in text and phone conversations listening to him tell me how much he loves me etc and she is not going to last much longer. As much as I know I am being treated badly I cannot let go of him, if I was reading this I would be telling the poster to get shot of him but we had a really close relationship and I cannot help but love him. Stupidly he has stayed around here a few nights - nothing has happened but we sit and talk just like old times which at the time I love but the following day regret sets in because I fell like im setting myself up for a fall again which I usually am. We have been getting on well in the last few days, I have considered taking him back but wonder if it will ever work, last night she found out here was here last week and got a taxi at 2am and left telling him to go back to me. Again I was stupid and thought this was finally it she was gone and we could maybe try and fix this mess. By 5am she was back again promising to get a job etc etc. I text him and told him if she stays today that is it for us and I will walk away, he keeps telling me he is going to sort it but I know he wont. I told him I am now sick of being hurt, we are 4 months down the line and I just cant see this ever getting any better. I just dont know how to let go, we had such an intense relationship and were so close the thought of not speaking to him or getting a text from him kills me. AT the start of all this he was useless with contact with Phoebe but has stepped up to the mark, I want them to have a relationship but the thought of being stuck like this for the next 16 years fills me with dread. I want to move on but part of me doesnt and I dont even know if I can or want to. I am starting counselling next week to try and get through this, emotionally I am fine I have thrown myself into work and Phoebe and I am not the wreck I was at the start of all this however why cant I let go of him? We cant divorce until March next year which will be our one year anniversary - UK law says we have to be married a year before divorcing but TBH I dont want a divorce. I just have no idea what to do anymore, there is loads more to this but I am rambling.