Recent miscarriage

[deontel93]

Well, me and my fiancee has been dating for about 7 months and we've been talking with each other for years. So we decided to try and have a kid. She lives in Atlanta [I'm from there] and I live in NYC and she recently came to visit me. The trip was going great and I was happy to be around my her especially while she was pregnant with my first. The day before she left was the day I proposed. We went to the BK bridge and she said her panties were wet as though she peed on herself even though she knew she didn't. We went to a starbucks nearby to use the restroom and she found out she was bleeding. She was hoping that it wasn't anything bad and I was as well. I didn't want to think of anything bad happening and neither did she so we tried to focus on our last night together here. We went out to eat then headed home and I proposed. Our night was going pretty well but she was still bleeding and we got more worried. When she woke up, the blood clots got bigger. She came into the room crying that she lost the baby and that she saw it in the toilet. I didn't cry, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I didn't want to speak. All I wanted to do was make her feel better. She was so hurt and I felt so bad seeing her so sad, especially since she was leaving for home later. I didn't want her to go. I thought it wasn't safe and that she needed to be in the hospital but we didn't know how that would affect her plane ticket. She was to go to the doctor in the morning to ensure that the kid wasn't lost so I was optimistic that it was still there. They didn't find a heartbeat but they're doing another ultrasound in 2 weeks to make sure if it was lost or not. Typing this sucks because I was looking forward becoming a father. I'm still hoping for that chance that we didn't lose our child but it seems as though we probably have. I haven't talked to anyone about this. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to feel. She's not here with me and it's depressing. She feels as though I let her down and I feel crappy because I hate that she feels that way. Knowing we're still happily together is keeping me from destroying my walls because I really want to take my frustrations out on something. I've smoked, I've drank, I've worked out but nothing has made me feel any better. I can't feel happiness right now. I've tried consulting with her but it's hard because I want her to be happy and I know it'll be long before that happens. Just typing this along is giving me mixed emotions. Idk if I should cry or break my laptop so I keep a straight face and try to pretend as if I'm not dying inside right now. I feel so negative about myself now, I feel like everything I do now just may be for nothing. We're going to continue trying but we're giving it a little time. I'm willing to try as many times as needed because I love her so much. I just don't want her to feel as if she's disappointing me if we fail again. I want us to stay strong through times like these because I love her and want to make her the happiest woman alive. I proposed to her because I think she's perfect. I feel as though she'd leave me because of a miscarriage happening and that thought scares me. I don't really have anyone to talk to but her about these things so I was hoping I could get some help from someone here. Idk if my hiding of emotions to something like this is healthy or not, idk how I should feel. I just know I want to be happy with my wife to be and create a wonderful family with her. Someone help me please *sorry for the long post*

 

[jumpingo]

as i got to the end of your post, all i could think was "tell her that. tell her you love her and that you will be there no matter what, that you want to have a baby with her, even if it ends up not being this one. tell her you think she's perfect."

i can only imagine how hard it is for both of you, being apart, as you go through this.

she may feel like she has disappointed you, as well. it's not uncommon for women to feel like a disappointment, or a failure, when they don't/can't do the "one thing" they are "supposed to be" able to do.

miscarriage is horrible. it's heartbreaking. i lost my first baby at 9weeks and 4 days this past december and i am still struggling to get up and face the day. everyone is different. my husband has to go to work everyday. he doesn't get the "choice" to cry and be sad about what has happened. THAT is hard for him. he's not a very emotional guy, but he's said stuff that lets me know he is just as heartbroken as i am. it's hard to have 2 people falling apart. we each have out moments, and in those moments, the other person has to be the strong one. even when we don't feel strong. you are stronger together than apart. if you can manage, let her know how you feel but also being someone she can lean on might be what she needs. (i have no idea if this is helpful or not; i am just writing this as it comes out and going to try not to go back and edit) it's obvious you care so much for her and the child you two have.

i avoid saying "i'm sorry" to people regarding miscarriage because after awhile i wanted to yell at everyone, "all your sorrys won't bring my baby back." but i hate that you have to go through this. there are not very many men on these boards, but there are a few - i hope you can find support and comfort here as many of us have.

keep us posted!

 

[AmandaW525]

I am so sorry for your loss but glad you felt like you could come here for support. My husband and I live together and it's still difficult. We both grieve in different ways and he felt like he had to be strong for me. I think it's good to let your emotions out and cry if you want to. i can only imagine how difficult it is to get through this when you are apart but you both are going through something that only the two of you understand. Make sure you constantly tell her how you feel as she probably needs your support as well. It helped me to talk about it and get it out in the open but not everyone is the same. Allow yourself time to grieve as time is the only thing that helps.