Recovering after miscarriage - some questions

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by colsy, Oct 27, 2008.

  1. colsy

    colsy Mummy to 2 li'l pudd'ns

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    Last week I lost my first baby. I was only six weeks pregnant, so I am trying to think how lucky I was to lose him or her now rather than when he or she was much older. I have read some horrible, horrible stories on here of girls losing their babies when they are real little people. I have had a nasty week, but maybe nothing like as nasty as those poor girls have had to go through.

    I've got a few questions that I hope some of you might be able to help me with. When I posted about my loss on the pregnancy bit of this forum, everyone was so lovely. It really helps talking on here ... none of my friends or family know what my partner and I are going through, because we don't want to tell them ... but talking to people on here, who don't actually know me, seems a good compromise.

    Q1. I have been bleeding, quite lightly apart from the first day, for about five days. I keep thinking the bleeding has stopped, and then in a few hours there'll be a little bit more. I'm also still getting very occasional crampy abdominal pains. Is this all quite normal?

    Q2. Sorry to be so graphic, but has anybody else needed to poo a lot after miscarrying? I'm needing to "go" loads, and I also get quite crampy spasms each time I go. I'd like somebody else to tell me they've had this as well, cos I really don't want to have to talk to the doctor about this!

    Q3. Although I am sad and cry a little bit each day for the baby I have lost, I also want to start TTC straight away. I almost feel guilty that I am thinking about TTC so soon, as it's almost like I'm saying "Oh well, there goes one, now let's try for another one", but that is not what I mean at all. I just accept that my first baby wasn't meant to be and I would love to try for another baby, and I so hope the story with the next one is a happy story. Do other people want to TTC so soon?

    Q4. I have read and read and read all sorts of stuff on the internet about whether it is safe medically to TTC so soon after miscarrying. What are your thoughts? I know that only I will know whether I am ready emotionally, but what about medically? If I am bleeding a teensy-weensy bit still, are we safe to have sex?

    Thank you XX
     
  2. Jessa

    Jessa Guest

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I, too, lost a baby through a natural miscarriage at 7 weeks in August so I know exactly what you're going through. You came to the right place for support because all the people here are really great.

    Now, to answer a couple of your questions:

    Q1. The bleeding is quite normal. I bled for almost five weeks after my miscarriage, had no bleeding for another week, and then got my period. My doctor said that light bleeding was to be expected (even the starting and stopping repeatedly), but that if it became heavy I was to go back in and see him.

    Q3 & Q4. My husband and I started trying again as soon as I stopped bleeding. Again, my doctor said that people are usually told to wait just so that when they get pregnant again it's easier to date and to give them time to heal emotionally. If you feel you're ready emotionally, then go for it. If your body isn't ready, it won't take and you'll keep going.

    I know it's a difficult time, but you will come through it and be okay on the other end. You'll never forget, but you'll stop thinking about it everyday.

    Good luck.
     
  3. sweetcheeks

    sweetcheeks Member

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    I am really sorry for what has happened to you. I recently m/c at 6 weeks also so I know how awful it is. I don't like talking to anyone about it and I can't even bring myself to say the "M word". I just keep calling it a loss because that makes it sound like it wasn't that big a deal, when to me it really was.

    Anyway...

    Q1 - My bleeding always stopped during the night and continued for about a week.

    Q2 - I didn't experience this but everyone is different. I don't know if it mght be something to do with the hormones (they have a lot to answer for after all!)

    Q3&4 - They say to give 1 clean cycle before you try again. personally, I think this is a good idea because at least then you know everything should have come away although I'm not sure how medically accurate that is, it's just my thoughts on it.

    I hope you are feeling better soon and my heart goes out to you. It really does suck big time.
     
  4. mugzy

    mugzy Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    So sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a baby at any stage hurts :hugs:

    So to answer your questions:
    Q1 I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks last year, and bled very lightly for a couple of weeks. I also had cramps.
    Q2 Do you get the same thing with periods? I get a bit of a stomache upset with normal periods, and since a miscarriage is sort of an amplified period it could just be the way you react to hormones. You should talk to your doctor if you're worried though.
    Q3 Perfectly normal to want to try again. I felt the same way after my mc last year, and feeling it again now after the loss of my baby Victor.
    Q4 I would wait till you've stopped bleeding as there is a chance of infection before the bleeding has stopped. Other than that, if you feel ready go for it.

    Hope you feel better soon and good luck for that :bfp:
     
  5. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    It is normal for your bleeding to last for quite awhile. I think mine were about 10 days, with the first three days quite heavy....heavier than AF for sure. I am sure everyone is different tho. Question #2, I didn't notice that in myself, but, I am not sure I would notice anyways...Question #3, I always started TTC right after my first AF following a m/c. Questions #4, I just asked this question with my specialist, and he said that there is no risk so long as it was a natural m/c (no D&C or ectopic).
     
  6. cerilou

    cerilou Well-Known Member

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    Firstly I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

    I had 2 mmc, the first in July and the second in September. I was 6 weeks with both.

    Q1. Everyone is different. You could bleed for a few weeks. Unless you are having bad pains/fever, it should pass. If you are in pain, go and see your GP.

    Q2. It could be your body just having a clear out. Again, unless it's painful, don't worry too much.

    Q3&4. This is the most natural feeling. Ultimately you want a baby and sometimes it helps couples to try again rather than give themselves time. It's a very personal choice and only you and your partner can make that decision. I didn't wait after my 1st mc as I was told that it made no difference. I fell pregnant straight away but that unfortunately ended in mc too (my GP thinks it could be my age - I am 37). At that point we decided to have a break, just to get my head together and I can honestly say it was the best decision I made as I feel so much stronger now but if you feel up to it now - there's nothing to stop you ttc straight away. They do recommend you wait for the bleeding to stop to reduce the risk of infection.

    Whatever you decide to do, we will all be here to support you.

    Good luck
    xx
     
  7. misstrouble

    misstrouble Slowly going Insane!!!

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    Just want to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my lo five weeks ago at 8 weeks. Don't feel guilty about wanting to try again - if that is what you want then go for it. Nothing will ever replace the child you lost but the ttc/new pregnancy helps makes things a little easier to bear. Give yourself time to grieve and do what is right for you. Take care :hug:
     
  8. mjbazz

    mjbazz Well-Known Member

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    hi everyone just been reading some stories and im in tears i today lost my little baby i was 12wks gone and absolutly cut up it was a missed miscarriage and died at 7wks i have opted for a natural way for my baby to come out but i cant stop crying
    i am 20 and this was my first pregnancy please help
    x x x
     
  9. moomoo

    moomoo Mumma to 2 & 1 in heaven!

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    im in chatroom if you want to chat hun xx
     
  10. colsy

    colsy Mummy to 2 li'l pudd'ns

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    I am so sorry for what has happened to you. I can't offer any help apart from to say that I think it does get easier. I lost our baby (6wks) just over a week ago. I am still feeling very raw from the horrible experience, but in the past couple of days I have at least been able to smile at nice things. I went out last night - my first evening out with people other than my partner since it happened. It was quite difficult, as people knew I'd been "ill" but didn't know why. So I had to keep saying "yes, thank you, I'm a bit better" when they asked how I was.

    So what I am trying to say is that a week ago, the idea of going out of the house and talking to other people was just something I thought I'd never ever do again, and yet last night I managed it and for most of the time even enjoyed it.

    I don't think I will ever forget my miscarriage, but I do think I will learn to accept. And I hope so much that you can say a similar thing when you are ready to.

    :hug::hug::hug: XX
     

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