Returning to work

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by the_key2005, Dec 14, 2009.

  1. the_key2005

    the_key2005 Proud Mummy To Kai

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    Hi All,
    I need advice, tips and encouragement. I am due to return to work tomorrow after a mmc. I am so nervous and worried. Besides my immediate boss and HR no one else knows why I have been off work for so long. I am so fragile and worried that soon as my colleagues start asking I will break down in front of everyone :cry:. DH has kindly offered to drop me off and pick me up, poor thing can tell how stressed I am about it all. How did the rest of you deal with getting back to work? any tips on how to make it through 8hours of the day without completely falling to pieces? I don't necessarily want to tell everyone what happened, so any tips on how to politely fob them off will be really handy. Also words of encouragement are definitely welcome, lord knows I surely do need them. I know I can do this, no really I can..... eeekk!! :cry:
     
  2. hannah76

    hannah76 Well-Known Member

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    i'm going back to work today too... going to hide in my office a lot and tell people i was sick last week - oh, is that my phone ringing? *runs away* like you, only my boss knows why i was off so i'm just hoping she isn't in today to say "sorry for your loss" or i'll start bawling... all we can do is our best to take care of ourselves and be gentle. update us on how it goes!
     
  3. truly_blessed

    truly_blessed Loving being a new mummy

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    I'm back today after 3 weeks off, last day in work was 20th Nov then I had 12 week scan in the afternoon showing a 5 week pregnancy which I knew wasn't right. I had D&C on 23rd Nov and had sick note until 1st Dec then went straight on holiday and first day in today.

    My boss knew and I've seen a couple of people today who knew I was sick but didn't know why so they've both said 'are you felling better now and how was your holiday'. I did get a bit upset with both and told them why I was off (they were both female). Both had their own stories to tell of either their pregnancy problems (one unable to have children) or others they know with problems (a friend whose baby was born before being fully developed and passed away at 9 days) so it wasn't that bad. I do find, however, that the more I talk about it, the easier it gets to talk about (same when my mum died). It's life and it happens, not sure I'd be able to hide it from people but we'll see later in the day. I think most of the men won't say anything to be honest and the 2 lasies I have told will probably pass it on.

    Hope you cope with it ok.
     
  4. Charlotteee

    Charlotteee Married Mum/Stepmum of 4

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    I'm due to go back tomorrow. Been off since last tueday, started miscarrying on the monday night. All my office know that i've lost it because i stupidly got excited and told them all and i was only 5 weeks. Lost the baby at 6 weeks. But luckily my office are all men, and they prob wont say anything unless i mention it.

    I don't mind talking about it. It makes me feel better than havin it all inside and then just lashing out because im so angry and upset.
    I hope your first day back is ok. Keep me posted tomorrow and i'll let you know how mine went aswell.

    Just hold your head up high hun. And try not to think to much about what anybody else is thinking. Its none of their business the cheeky buggers :)

    Lol xxxx
     
  5. the_key2005

    the_key2005 Proud Mummy To Kai

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    Thanks girls. I just spoke to my Boss to tell him I will be in tomorrow. He was very suprised and wanted to make sure I felt ready for it. He has been real supportive bless him. He's even asked if I'd like him to 'fend off' potential questions from everyone, as he has guessed that I would rather they were all sensitive to what happened. I told him I would get back to him about that. Am a little nervous about what he will say exactly but maybe its best that he does do it. I will let him know now. I will definitely keep you posted on how am doing. Oohh what I would give for my own office, yet another reason for hating open plan offices. I have this image of myself hiding under my desk all day *sigh*
     
  6. Diggydog

    Diggydog 1 angel, Mummy & WTT

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    Hey hun,

    I went back today too after having a week off, i had told everyone as though i was nearly 12 weeks. When i found out at the scan my baby had no heartbeat i told my manager straight after i found out as i had parked my car at my work. i told him to let everyone know what had happened so they wouldnt question me about it when i come back.

    I didnt excpect everyone to avoid me though or not even ask if im ok. I could feel them looking at me feeling sorry for me though. One person come upto me didnt say a word but kissed me on the cheek, and walked off again, which made me cry as i knew he was saying sorry!

    I did have on girl tell me that someone from work is expecting a baby girl, i wasnt impressed that she told me straight away on my first day back.

    I hope your first day back goes ok

    maria xxx
     
  7. the_key2005

    the_key2005 Proud Mummy To Kai

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    oooohhh Maria. I just read your post and am in tears. Hang in there hun you are more then half way through your working day. 90% of my colleagues are male ( I work in IT), most of them have been texting me through out my time off worried about me and why am off but I could'nt bring myself to tell them. So I know for a fact if I get a hug or a 'sorry look' am going to melt into a pile of goo. Am hoping once I get back into my old routine things will be easier and the day will zoom past.....I need ice cream!
     
  8. bevan88

    bevan88 Well-Known Member

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    My first attempt at returning to work was 9 weeks after my miscarrage began-- i went back on reduced hours and like you work in an open plan office. I found my self very emotional which is out of charcter for me i tend to keep my emotions in check in public.

    Everyone knew i was pregnant as i was 12 weeks when found out mmc. so when i returned some were asking how the bump was coming along???

    Its scary going back because you dont know how you will feel of react to things.

    All i can say is dont be too hard on yourself-- it sounds like your employer is being alot more supportive than mine has and is being(long story).

    Stay strong and positive and take as many breaks as you can it will get easier, and if you find you are finding it too much dont be afraid to ask for time out your boss sounds understanding.

    Good luck with it iam sure you will be fine!

    I think the worst thing about going back is actually acknowledging that you are moving on from the loss and that thought and feeling alone can stir up many emotions.
     
  9. Charlotteee

    Charlotteee Married Mum/Stepmum of 4

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    Hi Sweetheart,

    How is your first day back?
    Mine has been surprisingly good. I've actually laughed :)

    I hope your ok xxxxx
     
  10. the_key2005

    the_key2005 Proud Mummy To Kai

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    omg so here is the update. I was a complete mess this morning whilst getting ready for work, but finally made it in. Nearly had a panic attacked when I made the long walk to my desk (yeh am very dramatic lol). Anyway so got to 10am and was thinking yeh great this is going ok, although all the guys seem to be ignoring me like I have the plague, I figured I can handle this. Then at 1036 things changed. One of the guy's came over and with a 'awww poor thing' look on his face said 'didnt think you were going to be back today if I had I would have got you some chocolates, you sure you ok', the flood gates opened and that was the end of that. Poor thing now have to spend the whole day in a white shirt and tie stained with foundation and mascara. I obviously offered to pay for drycleaning and wrote him a note for his Mrs so he wouldnt get into trouble, bless him.
    Am kinda glad it happened and its now over with. Four more hours to go then we have to do this all again tomorrow. One thing I willl say is that it wasnt as bad as I imagined it to be.
     
  11. hannah76

    hannah76 Well-Known Member

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    glad it wasn't as bad as you thought... the worst is over now! take care of yourself now that you've made it through the first day :)
     
  12. smidgen

    smidgen Mummy 2 Finlay & 4 angels

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    well done you for managing to get through the day. I don't know when I am going to go back. I've been off for 3 weeks as had some bleeding but now its been confirmed mmc and i have to go in on thur for D & C. Don't know when I will be up to going back, but dreading it. I've asked my boss to tell the team why I am off - am hoping that will result in fewer questions being asked when i do eventually go back
     
  13. the_key2005

    the_key2005 Proud Mummy To Kai

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    Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I was able to make it through my first day at work. However I got home and was in tears for most of the night at the thought of having to do it all again tomorrow. I felt so emotionally drained. It does help to have you Boss let your colleagues know what happened before you go in. it saved me alot of questions but the hugs and gentle hand squeezes were all too much for me. Am not even sure if I can endure another day of it tomorrow. I may have to rethink returning. Maybe it was all too soon. Will sleep on it for now. Thanks again ladies.
     

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